Open Engagement Party, Intimate Wedding Ceremony? Can It Be Done?

Tinnieweenie83

So my fiance and I have been going back and forth for a few months about whether to just elope or do the whole shebang with a traditional wedding ceremony. The problem is we are both the youngest of our families and no other siblings have had formal weddings. While both of our mothers love the idea of a big wedding, we're not sure we want to dish out the funds for a one day (yes it's meaningful, but one day nonetheless) event.

My question is, can we have an engagement party so that all the friends and family can take some part in the special day and then keep the wedding to a very intimate/family only event? We we're thinking of having a brunch/lunch kind of party at a restaurant so it would kind of be like a reception just not as formal. That being said we do not intend on having any kind of bridal showers or formal reception. The ceremony/honeymoon will actually take place on a cruise ship (7 days in length) and we didn't want to impose those travel arrangements on our friends/family thought we know some would have gladly done it.

Thoughts? Reservations?

KatWAG

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-engagement-party-intimate-wedding-ceremony-can-it-be-done?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5edac970-8dee-4a63-ac2a-b796b60c13ecPost:d8d356b0-7408-4e42-8edf-526709db5b3a">Open Engagement Party, Intimate Wedding Ceremony? Can It Be Done?</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance and I have been going back and forth for a few months about whether to just elope or do the whole shebang with a traditional wedding ceremony. The problem is we are both the youngest of our families and no other siblings have had formal weddings. While both of our mothers love the idea of a big wedding, we're not sure we want to dish out the funds for a one day (yes it's meaningful, but one day nonetheless) event. My question is, can we have an engagement party so that all the friends and family can take some part in the special day and then keep the wedding to a very intimate/family only event? We we're thinking of having a brunch/lunch kind of party at a restaurant so it would kind of be like a reception just not as formal. That being said we do not intend on having any kind of bridal showers or formal reception. The ceremony/honeymoon will actually take place on a cruise ship (7 days in length) and we didn't want to impose those travel arrangements on our friends/family thought we know some would have gladly done it. Thoughts? Reservations?
Posted by Tinnieweenie83[/QUOTE]

No. Everyone invited to any pre party events must be invited to the wedding.

SB1512

Why don't you have a brunch with friends and such when you return.  You can call it a brunch to celebrate your recent marriage.

Peledreamsofrain

Hoestly, the ceremony won't cost you much so cutting attendance there isn't a moneysaver. Your main source of moneydrain will be the reception. And before you may ask, no you can't politely teir or eliminate people from a reception while having them at the ceremony.

OliveOilsMom

PP have given great advice. 

Have you thought of having your ceremony/honeymoon on the cruise.  And then having a big brunch celebration after you return.  You would eliminate the majority of reception things, like the big poufy dress, first dance, bouquet throws, etc.  It would just be a party to celebrate your recent marriage.

QueerFemme

Nope, no engagement party with guests if you are planning to elope.  No pre-wedding events. No showers, no b-parties, etc.  Have a celebration when you come home, but you'll still have to properly host those people with food, drinks, etc.  So, if you have the party at a restaurant, make sure you are planning to cover the costs.  And I would do it AFTER the wedding, not before.

lauralaur

When on the cruise do you get married? I knew someone once who married on a cruise ship but the ceremony and reception happened before the ship set sail. The wedding guests left the ship and then it set sail on the cruise.

Kate61487

ditto PP.  Also - rethink having the ceremony on the cruise unless it's going to be just the two of you.  It sounds like, from your post, you are planning on having some family there.  You can probably get married in port before the cruise departs so guests have the option to leave.  I don't think I'd want my parents on my honeymoon cruise; and I'd hate to think of a close family member not attending because they can't afford (money or time) a 7 day cruise.