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Etiquette

Bridal Shower Confusion

My bridal shower was originally being planned by one of my BMs (my FI's brother's girlfriend). However, my FMIL started jumping in on the planning and changed the location from the place where my BM had originally wanted to host it. Apparently, my FMIL thought my BM wasn't hosting it since she hadn't heard anything about it in months after her originally saying she was going to plan it and now my BM is upset because it's like the hostess job got ripped out of her hands.

I tried expressing this to my FMIL and she got upset, saying it was supposed to be her job as the mother of the groom to host the bridal shower. My BM basically backed out of planning thinking my FMIL was taking over a couple weeks ago and last night I asked my FMIL how shower planning was going and she said "what shower? I think your BM was planning it." So, now I have no one planning my shower! What do I do?
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Re: Bridal Shower Confusion

  • Maybe they are trying to make it a surprise for you? If not, there is not much you can do since it may have become too much of a headache for them to deal with. You cannot really ask them to plan it, now your FMIL knows that you think she is planning it, maybe she will take the lead.
  • MissySue20MissySue20
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    edited April 2011
    Sounds like a serious communication breakdown.

    So your MIL changed the location from what your BM had originally planned and now is not planning the shower after making a big huge stink? Wow.

    Like pp said, are you sure it is not a surprise? I think your FI needs to talk to his Mom and set her straight. She needs to apologize to the BM for doing what she did and acting like a child. Doesn't she know it is perfectly okay to have 2 different showers esp if you will be inviting different people?
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  • I think it's not your place to get involved in a party they're hosting in your honor...
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  • In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Confusion:
    I think it's not your place to get involved in a party they're hosting in your honor...
    Posted by bridezillatobe2009
    This! If FMIL or BM asks you about it say you don't know anything and leave it at that.
  • First of all, showers are in a 6-week window prior to the event.  Your shower would be between July 7 and August 20.

    This is the first week of A P R I L.

    No one is planning a JULY shower in APRIL. 

    Take a deep breath and let this ride until June.
  • In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Confusion:
    First of all, showers are in a 6-week window prior to the event.  Your shower would be between July 7 and August 20. This is the first week of A P R I L. No one is planning a JULY shower in APRIL.  Take a deep breath and let this ride until June.
    Posted by Kristin789
    It's not THAT far away.  My aunts started planning my May shower in October - it's not like it's a full time planning job or anything, but that's when they started looking for a place to have it, etc.  With the exception of the invites actually being sent out the entire thing is planned already...

    Since your BM is your FI's brother's gf clearly she knows your FMIL.  The two of them need to talk and get on the same page and you need to stay out of it except when asked for specific details (like date and guest list).  GL!
  • First of all I think the shower DOES need to start being planned.  Especially booking a place.  My mother is hosting my shower, and she booked it10months in advance and at that point there was only 1 weekend in August open (we are having it at the same place as my wedding for a huge discounted price).  Granted details don't need to be deteremined yet, but location definitely does!  I would talk to your BM and see if she can talk to your FMIL.  And then hopefully they can figure something out and get planning. 
  • In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Confusion:
    I think it's not your place to get involved in a party they're hosting in your honor...
    Posted by bridezillatobe2009
    I agree, but they're making me be involved. My FMIL kept bringing up ideas she had to me (like these high heel favor bags she wanted to make for the guests) before she backed out and my BM was asking me locations I would prefer to have it at before she backed out. I think it's nice to be included, and I don't mind if neither of them want to host the shower anymore, I just would like to know the time and place, that's it!
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  • First of all, I am sorry to hear any of this B.S. is going on and that it would seem frustrating that the FMIL is acting all "ooohhhhh whhhatttt?  what shower?" 

    You do not need to be involved in this.  You are planning a wedding, therefore THEY should be able to plan a shower w/out you getting you involved.  A date and a guest list should be the only things you need to worry about.  Where its at, what time its at, what food is being served and who is paying for what should have absolutely nothing to do with you!  They are throwing this shower FOR YOU....therefore, THEY should work out all of the details.

    I would simply tell the BM and the other BM's and the MOH as well, that it is up to them to determine the details and to speak with the FMIL about the mis-communication.  You do not need this stress on your plate right now.

    I hope this works out for you :)

     

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