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Etiquette

How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?

My man and I decided last October to plan our wedding for this August. Naturally, I immediately told my 4 closest girlfriends, and asked them to be bridesmaids. Well, one of those girls recently got engaged and is getting married in July (fast, I know) and asked me to be a bridesmaid for her (oops, I'll be out of the country). I'm a little traditional in the fact that all my bridesmaids were going to be single. Otherwise, choosing would be harder since I have a few close friends who've recently been married.
Is it possible to "uninvite" this girl from being a bridesmaid? Or am I just being a bridezilla? And if I do uninvite her, how do I tell her, and who do I fill the spot with? Because I need an even number. I have another friend I could ask, but I'm a little worried she won't fit in with the other 3 since it's 2 completely different sets of people from different parts of my life.
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Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?

  • Is is possible to "uninvite" this girl from being a bridesmaid? 
    No

    Or am I just being a bridezilla? 
    Yes

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  • who told you that bridesmaids needed to be single?
  • I know that's not how most people do it anymore, but that's the tradition of it, hence the word "maids." Traditionally, bridesmaids were made up of the young, single women closest to the bride.
  • How do you uninvite someone to be your bridesmaid?

    You don't.
    Unless you want to cut ties with your friendship, which is something I don't think you want as you mentioned she was one of your closest girlfriends.
    I don't think there's really a rule that states that bridesmaids have to be single. I'd be super offended if someone kicked me out of their wedding party just because I wasn't single.
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    Married as of June 22, 2013!!!

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  • In Response to Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?:
    I know that's not how most people do it anymore, but that's the tradition of it, hence the word "maids." Traditionally, bridesmaids were made up of the young, single women closest to the bride.
    Posted by karlijw
    Traditionally bridesmaids wore the same thing as the bride to confuse evil spirits. Are all your girls wearing bridal gowns as well? Just saying.
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  • Ignore tradition in this case. You can't "uninvite" a bridesmaid unless you want to end the friendship. This is a public slight. Odds are, your friend won't take it well if you remove her from your wedding party just because she's getting married first, tradition or not. Also, you shouldn't replace a bridesmaid. That sends a message that your friends are replaceable, and tells the replacement that she's only a second-best friend. You don't need to have even sides, either. Uneven sides are pretty common, and a lot of the ladies on this board advocate them.
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  • In Response to Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?:
    I know that's not how most people do it anymore, but that's the tradition of it, hence the word "maids." Traditionally, bridesmaids were made up of the young, single women closest to the bride.
    Posted by karlijw
    This is from a time when a lot of other stuff was expected that is thankfully no longer expected.

    1) You can't kick out bridesmaids unless you want them to no longer be your friend.
    2) You can't replace a person.  It is insulting to everybody involved.
    3) You don't NEED even sides.  You WANT even sides.
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  • LoredLored
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    Umm, whattt??? Why do they have to be single? You can't have married BM? You are nixing friends due to marital status? How awful?!?! And why an even number ??? More importantly, how do you have this many friends being so shallow??????
  • This may be third on the list of worst reasons ever to try to kick out a bridesmaid. 

    Unless your fiance is giving your family 2 goats and a cow to marry you, you need to drop this. You're telling her that some ridiculous tradition and the literal meaning of the word is more important to you than she is as a person. 

    And you don't "need even sides". Are pretty symmetrical pictures really more important to you than these people are? You need to reevaluate your priorities. 
  • In Response to Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?:
    I know that's not how most people do it anymore, but that's the tradition of it, hence the word "maids." Traditionally, bridesmaids were made up of the young, single women closest to the bride.
    Posted by karlijw
    Also, you said these were your four closest girlfriends.  So which is it, did you choose them because they were single, or because they were your four closest girlfriends?

    Seems like there's got to be something deeper here.  Does your friend's engagement bother you in some way, or have you grown apart from this friend?
  • I'm speechless. And that's probably for the best.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?:
    This may be third on the list of worst reasons ever to try to kick out a bridesmaid.  Unless your fiance is giving your family 2 goats and a cow to marry you, you need to drop this. You're telling her that some ridiculous tradition and the literal meaning of the word is more important to you than she is as a person.  And you don't "need even sides". Are pretty symmetrical pictures really more important to you than these people are? You need to reevaluate your priorities. 
    Posted by beardownbchs
    I second this
  • Wow. And I thought I heard everything.
    Anniversary
  • I'm calling MUD... no normal person can be this self centered, rude, and misguided. If you actually ARE that self centered, rude and misguided, to answer your last question, yes, you are a bridezilla. I think you should kick her out, if only for the reason that she's better off not having a "friend" like you. And I hope whoever you replace her with, since you'll probably do it no matter what any of us say, calls you on your BS and recognizes how shallow you are since you're only asking that person so you have even sides. Good Grief Charlie Brown... 
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  • Wow, I certainly hope that this is MUD.  In the event it is not:

    1) You can't kick someone out for being married.
    2) You don't need even sides.
    3) You are being a bridezilla.
  • Trolololololol!
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • In Response to Re:How do you quot;uninvitequot; someone from being part of your wedding party?:
    In Response to Re:How do you quot;uninvitequot; someone from being part of your wedding party? : Seriously, who put out the troll bait tonight?  It's not even a weekday!
    Posted by StageManager14

    Hahaha. Either that or I was thinking that we're being baited by KJ. 
  • If that's the case, 
  • karlitroll, in addition to dressing up all your BMs in your exact same dress to confuse the evil spirits, make sure you invite everyone from your wedding back to your hotel room after to cheer on you and your "man," as you call him, and to make sure you are really a virgin.  Traditionally, viewers assist in ripping off the bride's clothes to hasten consummation of the marriage (this is where the more recent garter toss comes from, as you know).
  • In Response to Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?:
    karlitroll, in addition to dressing up all your BMs in your exact same dress to confuse the evil spirits, make sure you invite everyone from your wedding back to your hotel room after to cheer on you and your "man," as you call him, and to make sure you are really a virgin.  Traditionally, viewers assist in ripping off the bride's clothes to hasten consummation of the marriage (this is where the more recent garter toss comes from, as you know).
    Posted by missfrodo
    *like*

    Way to be 'traditional' in such a way that you're going to completely offend and potentially lose your friends, OP.

    Incidentally, 3 of my five attendants were married. Guess I did it wrong.
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  • Both of my BMs are married.

    If you uninvite this BM, you'd be doing her a favor. She'd be loosing you as a crappy friend.

  • edited March 2013
    In Response to Re:How do you :If that's the case,nbsp; Posted by beardownbchs THIS!
  • In Response to Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?:
    [QUOTE]This may be third on the list of worst reasons ever to try to kick out a bridesmaid.  Unless your fiance is giving your family 2 goats and a cow to marry you, you need to drop this. You're telling her that some ridiculous tradition and the literal meaning of the word is more important to you than she is as a person.  And you don't "need even sides". Are pretty symmetrical pictures really more important to you than these people are? You need to reevaluate your priorities. 
    Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

    Lurking test...

    1. Getting pregnant
    2. Not fulfilling their duties

    Did I get them right???

  • Hahahaha. Thanks stage. :)

    And Salsera - I was thinking about that crazy who wanted to kick out a BM for NOT being pregnant and that other nutjob who kicked out her SIL because she was planning to get implants. But this and being pregnant are really neck and neck in my book...
  • OP There are many traditions from earlier times.  Do you really want to know what the bride and groom did immediately after they wed.  I pretty sure your having more of a modern reception as opposed to having sex immediately afterwards to  display the sheet of the virgin bride to all of your guests 

    The tradition you speak of isn't a tradition anymore. 
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  • The circumstances are sew speshul!
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • This can't be real
    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • In Response to Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?:
    This can't be real
    Posted by BritniLeigh
    I'm hoping it's not.
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    Married as of June 22, 2013!!!

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  • In Response to Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party?:
    In Response to Re: How do you "uninvite" someone from being part of your wedding party? : [QUOTE ]This may be third on the list of worst reasons ever to try to kick out a bridesmaid.  Unless your fiance is giving your family 2 goats and a cow to marry you, you need to drop this. You're telling her that some ridiculous tradition and the literal meaning of the word is more important to you than she is as a person.  And you don't "need even sides". Are pretty symmetrical pictures really more important to you than these people are? You need to reevaluate your priorities.  Posted by beardownbchs
    Lurking test... 1. Getting pregnant 2. Not fulfilling their duties Did I get them right???
    Posted by Salsera29[/QUOTE]

    I don't know, I think the worst was the girl/troll who wanted to kick her bridesmaid out for NOT being pregnant...
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  • Just incase you aren't a troll. 

    1. You can not uninvite her without ending the friendship

    2. You are being a bridezilla,

    3. If the word maid means so much to you upgrade her to Matron of Honor. 

    4. Sounds like you are just upset she is getting married before you.
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