Is it rude to exclude children?

VictoriaCLaw

My fiance & I are getting married next June. Our wedding & ceremony will be in the same location. My challenge is whether or no to include children on the invite list. The reception is going last until eleven thirty, and there won't be any kid friendly activities. None of our close friends or family have children, it's mainly extended family (cousins who we rarely see) and family friends. So, is it okay to not include children on the invitations, or how should we address that to our guests?

danieliza1127

Please see the FAQ sticky post at the top of the board.

Also there is another similar post just a few down from this one.

J&K10910

Yes, it's ok to do that.  And you have the right idea.  Just don't include the children's names on the invites, and if anyone adds their kids, just give them a call and say "oops, sorry for the confusion, we actually can't accomodate children."  Some people won't come if they can't bring their kids, so as long as you're prepared for that, you're fine.

danieliza1127

Also, posts do take time to load, so in the future please only hit the Post button once.  Thanks!

laladypoet

psh. if it were rude, half of us would be rude.
oh, wait.

shoegal715

Meh, I don't think it's rude. However, I wouldn't want to exclude family members like nephews or nieces. I don't have any though, so it's not something I have to worry about.  

I'm having a kid-free wedding - I don't mind excluding the kids of my friends. 

Sing2phins

Personally, I don't believe in excluding children, but it's definitely your prerogative to do so.

If that is your decision, it is not rude in the least, as long as you're not smug about it.  Just address the invites to the people who are invited, and if some people RSVP with their kids, you call them up and politely explain that the invitation was just for the people to whom it was addressed and that you are having a child-free wedding.  You say, "I sure hope you can make it," and they can make their own decision from there.

laladypoet

Personally, I don't believe in excluding children

dude, it's not the toothfairy.

Sing2phins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-exclude-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6453e3e1-1788-486b-b200-ad939fec1cfaPost:6419e7f4-0d99-4eb9-8f33-c78d60b124a7">Re: Is it rude to exclude children?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I don't believe in excluding children dude, it's not the toothfairy.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]
Oh, it's not?  Thanks for clearing that up.

laladypoet

thanks for clearing up how you don't "believe" in excluding children.
oh wait, you didn't.

Sing2phins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-exclude-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6453e3e1-1788-486b-b200-ad939fec1cfaPost:41c63f5b-0a2c-474a-b7c6-48fc4f647a52">Re: Is it rude to exclude children?</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks for clearing up how you don't "believe" in excluding children. oh wait, you didn't.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]
You didn't ask me to. 

Maybe "believe" isn't the right word, but, to me, weddings are about family and friends, and those people often have kids.  I love all the kids that will be invited to my eventual wedding and wouldn't dream of excluding them.  Which isn't to say at all that people who prefer adult-only weddings don't love the kids they would otherwise invite, just that it isn't even an option in my mind.

Knittibell

Say the average wedding breaks down to about $100 per person for the couple. How many adults routinely take their children out to a restaurant where they need to get dressed up and pay $100 a plate? Not many. I didn't attend a wedding until I was 16. My first wedding (I'm widowed), we had no children- we were married at a castle with a MOAT in the UK, and I provided sitters for the day/night of the wedding for anyone who chose to bring children over to Englandt. A 12 hour formal wedding celebration with an open bar and a moat does not a kids party make.

I am now engaged again, and at 33, many of our friends have children. I love them dearly, but if we invite all the children we are almost TRIPLING our guest list. After having spoken to a number of my closest friends with kids, they've all universally said they'd rather leave the kids at home, or with a responsible sitter in the hotel for the night. The exception to this is of course if someone is breastfeeding.

So, don't feel guilty. Be sure they know in advance that children are not attending your wedding, which is even easier to do when it's a formal event, and don't worry about being rude or offending ANYONE!

Sing2phins

Again, it's everyone's own prerogative to have the wedding they want, including excluding children.  I don't judge people who don't want kids at their wedding, it's just not a choice I would ever make.  And I certainly don't think anyone should feel guilty about insisting on the wedding they want (within reason).

ehathewa

Ug.  Why are so many people against having kids at thier weddings? 

From reading these boards I suppose it isn't rude, but it can be huge hassle for parents... especially if the parents are from out of town.  It may prevent some parents from coming.  It is a big favor to ask someone to watch your kids for the whole weekend.  Or if they bring their kids and then leave them at the hotel with a "hotel approved sitter" (aka a stranger) kids older than 4 know they are being left out. 

At the weddings I have been to the kids usually have a blast.  They get to dance and eat cake and stay up past their bed time.  I have event been to a few weddings where they had one table set up with crayons and coloring sheets to help keep younger kids occupied. 

sakikun

Definitely not, my partner and i have decided to have a children free wedding, mostly because we are not personally fond of children but also because it is more expensive to include them and there has to be some form of entertainment provided for them be it activity books or someone to make sure they are enjoying themselves. I don't personally want children to start getting fussy or interrupting things like speeches which i would quite like to hear personally. Also at this point it probably will not be interesting for them and i don't blame them for getting bored and fidgety and wanting to run around- hey thats what kids do! Therefore we are not writing invitations to families but addressed to the individuals to hopefully avoid confusion. However as has been said above you must accept that either you will be asked to help find an appropriate sitter or advice or that some parents may not feel that they want to come along without their children. 

Although we are not inviting children and our wedding is not for a little while yet it may be that but that point a couple of our friends may well have small babies that will still need to be with their mums and that some may have to be arranged for that eventuality! Its all a bit complicated and political but if you don't want children there don't! Its your wedding after all- this may sound a bit selfish but hey its your day!!!!  

Good Luck! xx

Knittibell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-exclude-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6453e3e1-1788-486b-b200-ad939fec1cfaPost:9721a0ed-ad75-4a62-828f-59c4747c3642">Re: Is it rude to exclude children?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ug.  Why are so many people against having kids at thier weddings?   At the weddings I have been to the kids usually have a blast.  They get to dance and eat cake and stay up past their bed time.  I have event been to a few weddings where they had one table set up with crayons and coloring sheets to help keep younger kids occupied. 
Posted by ehathewa[/QUOTE]


...And they get under everyone's feet when people are dancing, and get whiny as the evening progresses, as parents are trying to have fun they're not always 'minding' them,  and these are often very formal, expensive affairs- you're not sitting at Denny's waiting for pancakes and coloring. They cost money to have them there, you're paying $40 for a plate of chicken nuggets, you often need to spend more for a larger venue, etc...

I'm not in any way against kids being at weddings, If you have an unlimited buget, are having a more casual wedding, etc., then it'd be great! I just absolutely understand why so many people choose not to.

LINZEE602

As far as etiquette goes, it is definitely NOT rude to exclude children.  I am not inviting any children becasuse I would then have 30 (or THREE tables) of children at the wedding. That would mean I can't invite my freinds from work or friends of the family.  There is just not enough room at the venue to have 30 children, and since we are not closer to any one set of children, we have a blanket "no children" policy.  If anyone asks me, I will give them the exact reason why and hopefully they will understand.