Etiquette

Do you judge people's engagement rings?

After the second e-ring judgy KPS in as many days, I'm curious how many people will anonymously admit that they do this.


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Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?

  • Are you referring to the gemstone one? I started a thread about this on NEY. Gemstone e-rings are personally not my style, but I would never think less of someone just because they had one. Who gives a eff what kind of ring someone else has?
  • quotequeenquotequeen
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    edited July 2010
    Yes, the gemstone one.  Specifically, "your fiance wasn't interested enough and was too cheap to get you a real engagement ring."
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  • I LOOK at them, of course.

    I selected "a little bit" because I was dating this guy and blah blah long story, but he ended up engaged to another girl less than 3 months after we broke up, and I DID judge the diamond chip engagement ring he got her, for a veriety of reasons that were more tied to my angry feelings towards him than any real disgust with her ring, because if Buddy had given me the same ring, I'm sure I would have loved it, but whatever.
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  • I will always look at someone's ring and see (inside my head) if I like it, but I always tell people they have a nice ring and give a detail.
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  • If I see rings I don't like I judge it slightly.  However, if the person who is wearing it loves it that is all that matters.  If she loves and she is happy then I will love that she has a ring she loves so much, whether it's my cup of tea or not.  Heck...I'm sure some people wouldn't like my ring either!
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  • It's the cheap and uninterested that gets me. Obviously the poster has issues with her own ring OR she has a gigantic diamond which she thinks its the proof of her FI/DH's love for her.
  • I said yes, because if an engagement ring is thrust into my face, I will check it out and decide in my head-do I like it?  is it a real diamond?  is this sliver or platinum?  what kind of cut is that? does she ever cut herself with it?  and so on.

    Maybe that isn't "judging" but it seems like to me.
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  • If you mean judge as in hold someone in a higher or lower regard based on the ring they're wearing, no, but I'll personally look at a girl's ring and decide in my head if I think it looks tacky or beautiful or 'weird', etc. but would never tell someone those thoughts other than my FI.

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  • Yes, if it is really ugly, but I would never tell the person my thoughts.

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  • edited July 2010
    I am slightly ashamed to admit it but I had to answer "a little bit" because I totally judge my BFF's ring. Well, and her FI. I don't think I would if I didn't know what had gone on right before they got engaged. He proposed to her with a TINY diamond ring (nothing like the rings she had been hinting at) right after he went out and got a loan (on top of his truck payment and RV loan) to buy a camper (it was an impulse buy because he was mad that she told him she was thinking about going to grad school). So yeah, I judge her ring a little and kind of hope that either they both grow up a lot before they get married or...
    Oh, and to the KPS, my FI bought me a sapphire ring because that was what I had mentioned when we were discussing marriage and getting engaged, not because he's "cheap".

    *edit for typos.
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  • I put a little bit, but only when someone is bragging about how great her ring is. When it is in a snobby way (not an excited way), I'll judge in my head how great I think the ring is and if it is worth them acting so snobby. I'd never actually tell someone if I didn't like their ring though, because my opinion really doesn't matter since I'm not the one wearing it.
  • Of course I judge the ring. I would never judge the person, but I'm probably always going to be biased :o)
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  • I have opinions about other people's rings, as in whether I like the style, or if it is something I would wear; but I don't think i would judge someone, i.e. if it was a small diamond or a gemstone I would think less of that person.

    My sister got a blue topaz as the center stone on her ring.  She wanted something different and they could have easily afforded a diamond, she just honestly didn't want one and her fi listened and got her what she wanted.  It's a really beautiful custom ring and it suits her perfectly.

    My diamond is not huge (under a carat!  gasp!)  but it is a beatiful colorless stone, so I'd rather have that then a lesser quality bigger diamond.
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  • edited July 2010
    I'll admit it.  My coworker got engaged a while ago and had a quad ring like this

    The first thing I thought was that's not my style.  I didn't think her FI was cheap because I haven't a clue what he paid.  But I was thinking that I'm glad my FI and I had a talk to discuss my preferences.

    Ironically, she ended up getting a different engagement ring before she was married.  So I guess she didn't like it either.  

    Edit, I don't judge someone for having a stone other than a diamond.  Some of them are stunning.  
  • edited July 2010
    I said a "little bit."   I will be honest, my ring is by no means huge, it's just over a carat total weight but the big stone is just under a carat.  However, sometimes when I see girls with really tiny stones (like my BFF who has an extremely tiny solitaire, she says it's princess but it's so small I can't even tell) I wonder "if he couldn't afford a nicer ring how will they afford a house or kids.  I know it's so mean of me, and I don't know people's personal finances, maybe they are just being very frugal, and I would NEVER say a word to someone, but I still think it.

    Edit: I also would never judge someone for not having a diamond.  My aunt has a ruby and it's beautiful.  It's not my taste, but some gems are almost as expensive as diamonds, gems =/= cheap.
  • I must have missed the original quoted post on this topic... and it looks like a juicy one.

    I don't judge really.... but I look now that I'm engaged.  It's odd because prior to getting engaged, I never really noticed.
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  • I will admit that I do judge the appearance of certain rings. I don't judge the relationship between two people based on the ring, however. There are some rings that "I" would never wear, never like, and would never want for myself, but I'm not the one wearing it. I judge a ring on someone's finger just as I do when they are in the case. The only rings that I've judged have been more based on the relationship, then the actual ring itself. Like a FB friend who badgered her now Fi to buy her a ridiculously expensive ring, told facebook that it was financed, and that her parents had to co-sign the loan. THAT ring, I do judge.

    I would also like to add that wouldn't want a gemstone engagement ring, but I would never think someone was "cheap" or "settling" for having one. I have actually seen some gorgeous gemstone rings.

    Just because its a diamond, does not necessarily mean it costs more than a gemstone ring.
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  • I don't have an e-ring, and my wedding band has amethyst in it.  My marriage isn't valid, sigh.
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  • BF is more judgy than I am. When we went to try on rings, there were some that he wouldn't even let me try on. He wanted to ask the jeweler, "Are you kidding me?"
  • tldhtldh
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    If the bride loves it I'm going to like it because it obviously fits her. 

    However, I have a sapphire and diamond platinum ring that I designed with an artisan jeweler.  FI took this route because he knew I don't like diamonds alone in any setting and I'm going to be wearing this ring for the rest of my life.  I even picked out the stones that I wanted from a selection the jeweler had picked.  Gemstones rings aren't cheap.  FI paid more for this one ring that I think most people pay for their entire ring set so don't be so quick to judge them as being cheap.
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  • To be honest, I rarely look at people's rings.  Unless they show me.  I used to rarely notice whether or not a guy was wearing a wedding ring when I went out a lot.

    I only judge a small ring if the person wearing it, or who bought it, brags about money a lot.  As far as gemstones, I think they are beautiful.

    My center stone is on the larger side and it is lower on the scale for color.  People ask me if it is a colored diamond sometimes.  I don't care at all.  I think the fact that the color is off makes it more beautiful and more vintage looking.  And it is more than I ever thought I would have so I am in love with it.
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  • quotequeenquotequeen
    2500 Comments
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    edited July 2010
    In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    I must have missed the original quoted post on this topic... and it looks like a juicy one. I don't judge really.... but I look now that I'm engaged.  It's odd because prior to getting engaged, I never really noticed.
    Posted by KellyLovesJames

    This is the KPS:

    http://theknotpostsecret.tumblr.com/post/762926695

    ETA: And the prior KPS:

    http://theknotpostsecret.tumblr.com/post/758020217
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  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    If the bride loves it I'm going to like it because it obviously fits her.  However, I have a sapphire and diamond platinum ring that I designed with an artisan jeweler.  FI took this route because he knew I don't like diamonds alone in any setting and I'm going to be wearing this ring for the rest of my life.  I even picked out the stones that I wanted from a selection the jeweler had picked.  Gemstones rings aren't cheap.  FI paid more for this one ring that I think most people pay for their entire ring set so don't be so quick to judge them as being cheap.
    Posted by tldh
    I love the look of 3 stone rings with gemstones. Either with a gem center stone and 2 diamonds or vice versa.  I don't care for all diamond 3 stone rings.  
  • You know what?  I don't.  But I do worry about what people will think of whatever ring D ends up buying me.  I thought I didn't care, but it turns out, secretly, that I do.  I have loved a number of different kinds of rings I've tried on when we've gone shopping, and they run the gamut in size.  The first one I loved has a .5 carat center stone and is 1 c. total weight, and when we went back to look at it another day, I thought, "It's so small, people will think he's cheap," (and it wasn't expensive at all and I know he budgeted for way more than that).

    I hate that I feel that way, but I know he worries about that, too.
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  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    I don't have an e-ring, and my wedding band has amethyst in it.  My marriage isn't valid, sigh.
    Posted by tidetravel
    FWIW Tide, I think whoever posted that KPS is a butthole. None diamond rings can be beautiful.
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  • I voted for "a little" but that is usually only if I know the couple and really its more a judgement on their relationship than the ring lol!
  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    I said a "little bit."   I will be honest, my ring is by no means huge, it's just over a carat total weight but the big stone is just under a carat.  However, sometimes when I see girls with really tiny stones (like my BFF who has an extremely tiny solitaire, she says it's princess but it's so small I can't even tell) I wonder "if he couldn't afford a nicer ring how will they afford a house or kids.  I know it's so mean of me, and I don't know people's personal finances, maybe they are just being very frugal, and I would NEVER say a word to someone, but I still think it. Edit: I also would never judge someone for not having a diamond.  My aunt has a ruby and it's beautiful.  It's not my taste, but some gems are almost as expensive as diamonds, gems =/= cheap.

    Posted by jnic0319

     

    I think this is completely ridiculous.

     

    The diamond in my ring is small. It's high clarity, colour and cut, and it's a platinum ring; those were the things that were important to me. I could have had something bigger for the same price, but I didn't want anything above .5 on the center stone because my fingers are tiny. My H and I have a fair amount of disposable income, but jewellery is not what I want to spend my money on. Like the above poster, it bothers me that people may think that H is cheap without 1) knowing how much we paid for said ring or 2) knowing that I picked this ring. It seems ridiculous to me that the size of the ring is seen as a measure of overall wealth. It may be a measure of lack of concern for materialism, jewellery or tradition, but it's incredibly shallow to think that every woman wants a huge chunk of stone on her finger to measure her partner's wealth/love to begin with, let alone to believe that those who don't have said chunky stone clearly don't have the money for it. 

  • A little bit, yes.
    More a personal thing and not looking down on them though.
    For instance, I LOATHE princess cut. So much that if T got me one I'd turn it down (because if he doesn't know me well enough to know I hate them well.... he does know though :))
  • No, I don't judge them. I don't care that much about what other people choose for a very personal piece of jewelry.
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  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    A little bit, yes. More a personal thing and not looking down on them though. For instance, I LOATHE princess cut. So much that if T got me one I'd turn it down (because if he doesn't know me well enough to know I hate them well.... he does know though :))
    Posted by nda_roxybabe
    See, this is why "to each his own." I loooove princess cut. :)
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