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Etiquette

Do you judge people's engagement rings?

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Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?

  • Goldie, that's my ring set :) And we did discuss preferences. So I got what I wanted! I don't necessarily judge a ring any more other than eh, NMS or gorgeous.
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  • fwiw, i bristled at the kps. my center stone is .75. it was my mother's. she was my best friend. she wore it for most of the time i was alive. her energy is infused in it. she died 2 months before our wedding. it is by far the most precious thing i own. i would be devastated if i ever lost it.
  •     I don't really care either way. Like someone else said if the person wearing it is happy, that's all that matters.

      I also agree that's it's crap to look at a smaller sized ring and think based on that, the couple won't be able to afford anything. I told my FI when he started shopping around not to go crazy on the engagement ring because I was more concerned about the wedding rings. Plus, I never saw the point of spending INSANE amounts on engagement rings or weddings even. Why start your life out in so much debt?
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  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
        I don't really care either way. Like someone else said if the person wearing it is happy, that's all that matters.   I also agree that's it's crap to look at a smaller sized ring and think based on that, the couple won't be able to afford anything. I told my FI when he started shopping around not to go crazy on the engagement ring because I was more concerned about the wedding rings. Plus, I never saw the point of spending INSANE amounts on engagement rings or weddings even. Why start your life out in so much debt?
    Posted by DFaught
    I agree.  My ring is 1/4 carat.  Why?  Because my fiance was just beginning his semester of student teaching at the time.  Being engaged--and married--is more important to both of us than the size of diamond.  I don't even care to change my ring "down the road," like so many people have suggested.  It's what my fiance could afford at the time, and I know he chose it for me.  I love it and don't ever want to change it. 

    I kind of do judge girls/couples based on their flashy, blingy, huge engagement rings.  I believe there are more important things to spend money on and can't help but think they might be a little materialistic.  I would kill my fiance if he took out a loan for jewelry.  I'd just rather put my dough towards a house, a car, an education, or a stray dog.  But that's just me.
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  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings? : I agree.  My ring is 1/4 carat.  Why?  Because my fiance was just beginning his semester of student teaching at the time.  Being engaged--and married--is more important to both of us than the size of diamond.  I don't even care to change my ring "down the road," like so many people have suggested.  It's what my fiance could afford at the time, and I know he chose it for me.  I love it and don't ever want to change it. I kind of do judge girls/couples based on their flashy, blingy, huge engagement rings.  I believe there are more important things to spend money on and can't help but think they might be a little materialistic.  I would kill my fiance if he took out a loan for jewelry.  I'd just rather put my dough towards a house, a car, an education, or a stray dog.  But that's just me.
    Posted by Jeffie86
    Yeah, see, you really shouldn't judge.  Maybe they have more money than they know what to do with.  Maybe they did pay cash and did not take out a loan.  Maybe they can afford it and for them, it was an important thing to spend money on. 

    Why is it okay to judge bigger rings, but not smaller rings.  It's the same, you are making assumptions about the couple and their finances and lifestyle, when you really don't know. 
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  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings? : Yeah, see, you really shouldn't judge.  Maybe they have more money than they know what to do with.  Maybe they did pay cash and did not take out a loan.  Maybe they can afford it and for them, it was an important thing to spend money on.  Why is it okay to judge bigger rings, but not smaller rings.  It's the same, you are making assumptions about the couple and their finances and lifestyle, when you really don't know. 
    Posted by luckyme502
    This exactly.  I don't judge engagement rings big or small.  Its really none of my business how grown adults chose to (legally) spend their money.  I love gem stone engagement rings and was between a pink sapphire and a diamond.  I saw my ring on a display and fell in love.  It just so happened it was a diamond.

    Also,  there are plenty of larger sized stones that aren't gaudy or locked up in safety deposit boxes.  Plenty of people also buy larger diamond stones that are highly rated in the other 3 Cs and aren't in debt over the ring.  I think its just as tacky to assume there are better things to spend money on then an engagement ring and that those people are in debt over it than it is to assume someone with a smaller stone is cheap, poor etc. 

    Now I love my ring so here's a picture.  Center stone 2.12 carats.  I have no idea if that's big or small but its perfect for me =)
  •   However, sometimes when I see girls with really tiny stones (like my BFF who has an extremely tiny solitaire, she says it's princess but it's so small I can't even tell) I wonder "if he couldn't afford a nicer ring how will they afford a house or kids.

    as opposed to buying a ring outside of their means and put themselves in debt so they CAN'T afford kids and a house?
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  • I don't judge people based on their rings,  the size of the diamond or stone is not a measurement on the strength of a relationship or marriage.

    My husband got me exactly the ring I wanted. A .33 round colorless stone on a 4 prong 18k white gold band.  I wanted a very thin band, and a smaller stone.  I don't plan on wearing my E-Ring my whole life because I work a career and plan to work in a field that it's not feasible or wise to wear it.  I got a tiny wedding band as well.  I love my rings, they are perfect for me!
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  • edited July 2010
    In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings? : I do this also.  In college, my bff's sister had a 4 carat ring that she never wore. She kept it locked in a safety deposit box and just wore her band once they got married. I do believe the sister loved to tell people how much her ring cost and that her ring was in a box at the bank just to make herself sound so great. Stupid if you ask me. 
    Posted by ebonyivory10
    What is the point of having a big, blingy ring if you're afraid to wear it? I take the subway a lot, and BF mentioned getting me a CZ version to wear on the subway. But I think it's a) stupid to waste more money on another ring and b) an idiot that's out to mug you will not realize that the ring isn't real in the first place.

    Also, I want a diamond e-ring. I won't apologize for that. But that's just MY style and preference. If someone wants to wear a twist tie on their finger, then more power to them. Who am I to judge what they want?

    However, I would judge someone's FI who got them a ring without paying attention to the woman's style, taste, preference.
  • In response to a previous post, my ring isn't heart shaped but I love that design. I don't find anything wrong with having a heart shaped ring and had a few picked out for inspiration.

    To answer the original question, I do judge sometimes, whether or not I like the ring and if the woman is happy with her ring. A friend of mine has a smaller diamond and really tiny fingers. She was never excited to show off her ring and often kept the diamond part facing her palm. I kind of judged because her and her fi chose to get married in one months time and I didn't see the point in buying an engagement ring that she didn't like to begin with, just to wear for one month before the wedding.

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  • I selected a little bit, and it usually depends on the person.

    I don't believe people who say that they don't judge the rings at all.

    That may make me sound horrible, but people are judgmental.

  • Judging rings (other than the opinions we all form as to whether we like or dislike something) is ridiculous.

    My FI and I aren't kids.  We're in our 40's, well established, and just bought a house together.  I requested a small ring--a solitaire with a stone that's well under a carat.  While I've seen gorgeous larger rings, they don't suit my lifestyle--I go into all sorts of neighborhoods, by myself, for ministry purposes.  I don't want to think about whether I should wear my ring on a particular day or not.

    What I received is more precious to me than a 2 carat stone in an elaborate setting--it's my FI's late grandmother's ring.  Some would complain about not getting a new ring, I guess.  I love the sense of continuity and family that led him to entrust me with not only a valuable item, but one that has such great sentiment attached to it.
  • salt78salt78
    5000 Comments
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    I LOOK at other peoples' rings, but I don't judge them. Unless they are like really ridiculous. I'm sure plenty of people judge mine. I have a half carat round solitaire that I picked out myself. I wanted something inexpensive and simple because I don't like wearing rings in general. H and the people at the store kept trying to talk me into a bigger stone, but I would much rather have my smaller, flawless diamond than a bigger, not as perfect one. 
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  • this is exactly why FI and I opted not go go with the e-ring. As if how big of a diamond I get is proof of how much he loves me or how well he can take care of me. I can take care of myself, thank you. And of course I know that people now judge me for not having an e-ring at all - FI must really not love me or want to spend any money on me! It's all pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
  • K ByteK Byte
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    I judge if I think it's pretty or not. There are some things that are not my style, like really thick bands for example. My friend's engagement ring is nearly as thick as a man's ring, but she loves it so that's all that's important.

    I do get a little sad if a girl mentions not liking her engagement ring though, and then I worry if maybe the engagement was unexpected or there was pressure from either party to get married. Or I worry that her fiance doesn't know her well enough to pick out something she would like. But I wouldn't say it's necessarily judging, more like letting my imagination run wild or something haha.
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  • Forming an opinion is judging.  No matter what the opinion is. 
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  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    Goldie, that's my ring set :) And we did discuss preferences. So I got what I wanted! I don't necessarily judge a ring any more other than eh, NMS or gorgeous.
    Posted by mwhitson14
    I hope you weren't offended.  I don't like square stones very much (especially princess cut ).  I also prefer yellow gold.  To each is own.  I just wouldn't like the ring for me.  
  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    I said a "little bit."   I will be honest, my ring is by no means huge, it's just over a carat total weight but the big stone is just under a carat.  However, sometimes when I see girls with really tiny stones (like my BFF who has an extremely tiny solitaire, she says it's princess but it's so small I can't even tell) I wonder "if he couldn't afford a nicer ring how will they afford a house or kids.  I know it's so mean of me, and I don't know people's personal finances, maybe they are just being very frugal, and I would NEVER say a word to someone, but I still think it. Edit: I also would never judge someone for not having a diamond.  My aunt has a ruby and it's beautiful.  It's not my taste, but some gems are almost as expensive as diamonds, gems =/= cheap.
    Posted by jnic0319
    This post is so interesting to me.  If a couple buys a smaller stone, perhaps they are actually thinking about their future and being more responsible about their money so that they will have a savings for their future home/kids.  Woudln't that money be better spent on a down payment on a home than on jewelry?

    I actually must admit I judge people who get ridiculously large stones, especially when I know by their lifestyle that they probably couldn't afford them outright.  To take a loan out to pay for jewelry is insane in my mind.  Buy the ring you can afford and be proud of it.  Anyone who thinks you have to have over a karat to prove your FI loves you is obviously not very secure in their relationship.

    Personally, I would be afraid to wear a ring that is obviously really expensive for fear that it is a target for someone to steal it.  I just hope it is insured!


  • I do check out people's rings, but I'm looking at the style.  I admit that I have judged a rich aunt for having a hideous ring (huge ruby with poor clarity) because it was clear that she cared more about size than quality.  This is a lady who liked to brag about wearing $1500 pants to dinner.  Okay, I probably just judge her because I don't like her, and I probably wouldn't like any ring that she wore.

    I always assumed I'd have a small ring because I'm not a jewelry person, and my FI thinks guys who buy huge rings are insecure about something.  I was really surprised when he proposed with a diamond solitaire, I expected a diamond band because that's what several women in his family have.  My unexpectedly sweet FI learned about the 4 Cs and did a bang-up job picking a simple setting with a stunning ring.  It's like he knew my taste and amplified all expectations.  :)  
  • I never judge rings.  I think if a guy took the time and money to buy his girl a ring to profess his love and desire to marry her, then he is a stand up guy.

    I dont think size matters in this case.
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  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings? : This post is so interesting to me.  If a couple buys a smaller stone, perhaps they are actually thinking about their future and being more responsible about their money so that they will have a savings for their future home/kids.  Woudln't that money be better spent on a down payment on a home than on jewelry? I actually must admit I judge people who get ridiculously large stones, especially when I know by their lifestyle that they probably couldn't afford them outright.  To take a loan out to pay for jewelry is insane in my mind.  Buy the ring you can afford and be proud of it.  Anyone who thinks you have to have over a karat to prove your FI loves you is obviously not very secure in their relationship. Personally, I would be afraid to wear a ring that is obviously really expensive for fear that it is a target for someone to steal it.  I just hope it is insured!
    Posted by noodle_oo
    this, but only when i have deep insight into their finances which only applies to a few of my friends
  • I honestly couldn't care less about what someone's ring looks like or how big their center stone is. I think it is silly to judge someone on a ring. I flat out told my FI that I DID NOT want a large diamond because it is not at all me, I had a friend say that she would never accept a proposal with a less that 1 carat diamond and I was embarrassed for her. If all your relationship is worth to you is how much "the love of your life" can spend on a ring you should rethink your relationship.  That being said, some of you who do judge would look at my ring and say "It is too small" but if you knew me you would know better.  My ring is right at 1/2 carat (gasp) and completely colorless. FI was way more into the size of the diamond..  I would marry him without a ring, Marriage os about more that a ring of any kind. :) 

    Sorry for the rant, I have just heard way too many girls that judge way too much. 
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  • I definitely do. After working in the jewelry industry for 3 years I have seen some of the most beauiful rings ever made, as well as some of the tackiest, gaudiest, ugliest pieces of crap ever created. I can look at a ring and say, "you know, that's not really my style but I can see why she likes it." But some I just have to look at and think WTF I hope that's not what you were hoping for!
  • Wow. Just wow. Maybe this reply belongs in the "snarkie brides" section, but to the girls who wonder "how can they afford a house/kids" when they see an e-ring, has it ever occurred to you that some people have different priorities? As long as the bride is happy with what she has, then who are you to judge?

    Small or inexpensive ring doesn't necessarily mean the couple is poor OR frugal. It might just mean that an e-ring is not as important to them as it is to you.
  • In Response to Re: Do you judge people's engagement rings?:
    Oddly enough, must judgements I hear come from men.
    Posted by jessjo04
    That is so right!  my FI got me a beautiful celtic knot white gold ring with little diamonds all the way around because we met in scotland and both have scottish/irish heritage.  It's not a big diamond, but it's unique and it's lovely.  The only person who was rude enough to comment, "where's the rock" was male.  It made me sooooo angry!   
  • Nope. Not at all. I always look, of course, but if I judge at all, it's how meaningful they are. I've been more in awe of the meaning of $20 rings than the beauty of $10,000 rings. Money is immaterial.

    The funny thing is, I was working in a lab one summer and I commented on how beautiful my preceptor's ring was. She was wearing a sapphire. She jumped into a 20 minute explanation about how sapphires are as valuable as diamonds, and diamonds create wars and people die for them, etc. She was so defensive!!! I guess people judged her sapphire, and that mattered to her enough that she felt the need to enclose a pamphlet every time someone noticed her ring!

    Yikes!! It's a ring, people! The meaning is all that matters, right?
  • edited July 2010
    This is interesting to me!

    *It is, in fact TRUE that certain gemstones of the proper quality and cut are often more expensive than a diamond of the same size and cut.
    *Diamonds did not become the de-facto engagement ring stone until the 1930's
    *Princess Diana and Anne both had Sappire e-rings, Fergie's was a Ruby
    *Sapphires symbolize faithfullness and sincerity, Rubies symbolize romance and devotion and Emeralds beauty and love
    *Emeralds are more expensive than diamonds, but because of how soft they are they're not the best suited stone for an active bride (same with Tsavs, sigh, I love green!)
    *It is also TRUE that diamonds are not rare. The jewelry industry (cough cough, DeBeers) would like you to think they are, but they're really not.Certainly gemstone quality diamonds are more rare than industrial grade, but the supply still vastly outweighs the demand, therefore they are not in any way rare gemstones. A high quality Ruby, Emerald or Sapphire is far more RARE than a high quality diamond.

    That said, I have a stunning diamond ring given to me by my late husband whch I wear on my right hand now. It's PRICELESS. Literally priceless. A man I loved more than myself put it on my finger and made me his wife. And then he was killed in an accident when an elderly driver hit him. I'll wear that ring forever and remember the man who gave it to me and the life we shared, if for too brief a time.

    When I recently became engaged after 5 years of widowhood,  I wanted a colored stone- I already have a diamond ring, and wanted some color. My fiance was thrilled because he hates the diamond industry (I love diamonds, but admit there is plenty to loathe about the industry). We chose a large cushion cut sapphire, and designed the setting. I think it's simple, elegant and stunning. And it cost as much as- if not more- than most of the diamond rings people wear.

    I'm not saying this to be all snarky ie: "my sapphire cost so MUCH!" but simply refuting the idea that a gemstone ring is "cheap"- or even "inexpensive" or "less expensive" than a diamond... Or a gemstone ring is purchased because he's too cheap to get you a REAL ring!

    I love jewelry and gemstones and am endlessly fascinated by what people choose for an engagement ring. While I always have favorites, as far as personal taste is concerned, I love the variety out there. People who think it must be a diamond, or it's just crap are just sadly ignorant and misinformed. A ring that reflects the couple's taste and is purchased within their budget is, IMO, the PERFECT ring.

    My sapphire!


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  • that's a beautiful ring! and a beautiful sentiment about your late husband. :)
  • Aw, thanks. I joke with my fiance that he cannot ever die on me, as I am out of ring fingers now!! But really, a ring isn't about status, or money or anything of the sort- it's about the couple.
  • edited July 2010
    I agree with you guys, that post made me bristle - and I have a fair sized South African diamond on my finger. It's just ridiculous on so many levels, and outright incorrect on so many more.

    Who cares what colour it is? It's not about the diamond, it's about the meaning and sentiment behind the ring and/or in some cases, lack of ring. People aren't bloody Stepfords of one another, why should we all have giant sparkly princess cuts on our hands? Rah-tarded.

    And for the record, I submitted this:

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