My mom won't let me pick anything out

anna082413

My mom taking over my wedding and won't let me pick anything I want for the my wedding any brides out there having problems with this

Weezy56

Who is paying?

AddieCake

Yes, who is paying? If it's her, you're stuck unless you decline her money and pay for things yourselves.

lyndausvi

I want some clarification on what she is not letting you pick out?

My parents paid for my wedding and they were involved in everything that effected them as hosts.(ie food, drinks, guest list,  etc).   However, they did not have say in colors, WP members, attire, song lists or even the type of flowers)

anna082413

My parents are paying for the wedding I should be able to pick stuff out that I like not her .

vanityink

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-wont-let-me-pick-anything-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e9a2755-519b-403a-9d35-e95e01e4502dPost:517a05dc-5069-46dc-9ef8-c95ecdefa893">Re:My mom won't let me pick anything out</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My parents are paying </strong>for the wedding I should be able to pick stuff out that I like not her .
Posted by anna082413[/QUOTE]

<div>Money talks. If they're the ones writing the checks, they have final say. </div>

Weezy56

Money comes with strings. It sucks, but that's just how it is. If you want to make all the decisions, tell her thanks but no thanks, and pay for your own wedding.

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-wont-let-me-pick-anything-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e9a2755-519b-403a-9d35-e95e01e4502dPost:c589081c-b72a-483e-99c0-011edfb6096c">Re: My mom won't let me pick anything out</a>:
[QUOTE]I want come clarification on what she is not letting you pick out? My parents paid for my wedding and they were involved in everything that effected them as hosts.(ie food, drinks, guest list,  etc).   However, they did not have say in colors, WP members, attire, song lists or even the type of flowers)
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

If she's paying, she gets to choose what Lynda said. You get to choose the other stuff Lynda said.

Peledreamsofrain

Her money, her rules. If you don't like what she's doing, decline her money. The use YOUR money, so you can go by YOUR rules. Easy peasy.

arendiva

You only get married once. If the selections your mom is making are so contrary to what you would personally want for your wedding that you think it will ruin the day for you then postpone, save the amount of money that you need to have the day that you and your fiance want, and pay for it yourself.

Knottie_22382049

Unless your money is paying for it you do not get final say in it. Sucks but that is just how it is. So unless you are willing to pay for your own wedding it sounds like the only choice you have is who is in your bridal party. 

kmbryant2413

Is anyone else getting the 13 yearold vibe from this? I can smell the foot stomping from here..

lyndausvi

I love when somone asks a question then never returns.

On that note I'm off to dinner with my mom and DH.  Dad is in China so we thought mom needed company. 

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-wont-let-me-pick-anything-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e9a2755-519b-403a-9d35-e95e01e4502dPost:b698e6e3-1166-433b-b074-a7b8a6d56cac">Re:My mom won't let me pick anything out</a>:
[QUOTE]Is anyone else getting the 13 yearold vibe from this? I can smell the foot stomping from here..
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]
<span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:small;border-collapse:collapse;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><a style="color:#0044cc;text-decoration:none;"><img style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;border-collapse:collapse;-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing:0px;-webkit-border-vertical-spacing:0px;list-style-type:none;list-style-position:initial;list-style-image:initial;background-color:#ffffff;width:500px;height:269px;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" class="mainImage" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyyhkeaW001qenlr5o1_500.gif" alt="" /></a></span>

AJuliaNJ

How does your fiance feel about this? I feel like this dynamic of your mother paying for and controlling stuff can't be good for a new marriage. Unless she is giving you the money as an unconditional gift toward the wedding, I'd decline and pay for it myself. No money is worth me handing over control of my own wedding to my mother. 

ootmother3

hmmm.  Just how old  are you?

lyndausvi

::wave hello to OOT::

I was gone for 2 hours.  Kind-of disappointed the OP did not come back.  Oh well.

ootmother3

Hey Lynda!

I was waiting for some eympathy from you on my dreadful fall down the up escalator at Penn Station last Sunday but you got going on that crazt owns a house slut

lyndausvi

Where did you post that OOT?

Right now I'm watch the basketball tournament.  It's amazing how I don't care about b-ball the rest of the year, but these few weeks I get really excited about the games.

ootmother3

In FFF, third page or so.

Don't worry, my stitches come out on Thursday and some of the bruises have faded.

p.s. Don't tell M!

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-wont-let-me-pick-anything-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e9a2755-519b-403a-9d35-e95e01e4502dPost:2e4336bf-b9d9-42a9-bc52-e94692be3ab5">Re: My mom won't let me pick anything out</a>:
[QUOTE]Hold on, ladies. Lets see what exactly the mom won't let her have. OP, you have to give us some information here.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

It looks like her mom won't let her have punctuation.

Knottie_22386653

Man, I was really hoping te OP would have returned by the time I woke up this morning. I had some advice all laid out on how to compromise. I was also curious if this was a case of "mom wants robin's egg blue tablecloths, but I want cerullean!" or "mom wants a black tie affair with seated dinner and white glove service, and I want a backyard BBQ in a barn." Big difference. Oh well.

anna082413

I just ask a question about moms taking over the daughter wedding ... not letting what the daughter pick things out like flowers and the other stuff Don't have to attack me too. I just ask a question about this

hockeywithadiamond

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-wont-let-me-pick-anything-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e9a2755-519b-403a-9d35-e95e01e4502dPost:cd136c13-fb26-4665-a59a-b660ef3b729a">Re: My mom won't let me pick anything out</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey Lynda! I was waiting for some eympathy from you on my dreadful fall down the up escalator at Penn Station last Sunday but you got going on that <strong>crazt owns a house slut</strong>
Posted by ootmother3[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Seriously?  I'm not <span style="background-color:#ffffff;line-height:normal;font-size:11px;">OwningAHome1981 but that's really out of line.  You guys on these boards are worse than the high school lunch room.  How about you take a note from your ettiquette book and be polite to others and treat them how you would want to be treated.</span></div>

Knottie_22386653

Folks here are just very blunt with their honesty. No one is attacking you.

The issue is that your mom/parents are paying for your wedding. As PPs have said, money from family often comes with a lot of strings attached.You can't just expect your parents to foot the bill and let you do whatever you want with their money. Sure, that would be nice, but it is THEIR money.

You have a few options here - You can choose to accept the strings attached to this money and understand that, in this case, those strings mean that your mom is going to be very vocal. You can work together to find compromises on all of the aspects of wedding planning, which will require both of you to be open-minded about the other's opinion. Or you can foot the bill yourself. That way you choose everything since it's your money.

anna082413

Thank you for help

misshart00

In Response to Re:My mom won't let me pick anything out:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:My mom won't let me pick anything out:Thank you for help Posted by anna082413

We could do a much better job of actually helping you if you would answer our questions. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This. It's hard to help when you don't give us the details we ask for.

ootmother3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-wont-let-me-pick-anything-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e9a2755-519b-403a-9d35-e95e01e4502dPost:1cdb4fa4-bd83-405c-9b4b-17d53f7d8dfe">Re:My mom won't let me pick anything out</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously? How bout you don't pretend like OOT speaks for every reg and I won't pretend like you speak for every new poster, mmmkay? Plus, I thought you were leaving? GBCK hissy fits lose their effect when you don't, you know, leave.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


I do believe that I was the 5th reply regarding her age & possible immaturity so stick it

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-wont-let-me-pick-anything-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e9a2755-519b-403a-9d35-e95e01e4502dPost:4e84db2a-ca12-44e5-8ba1-272aded332dc">Re:My mom won't let me pick anything out</a>:
[QUOTE]I just ask a question about moms taking over the daughter wedding ... not letting what the daughter pick things out like flowers and the other stuff Don't have to attack me too. I just ask a question about this
Posted by anna082413[/QUOTE]

<div>I didn't attack you. I just wanted some examples so I could help you deal with your mom.      Sure if she is paying she has a say, however there are ways to deal with people like that other than stomping you feet and saying it's not fair.</div><div>
</div><div>Sometimes something as simple sharing your feelings with your dad or another 3rd party and them talking to your mom can help.</div>

wittykitty14

OP, no one is attacking you.  We really do want to help.  But the few things you've told us can be interpreted in SO many ways.  This is too open-ended for anybody here to really give you an honest opinion of what we think about your situation.  If you give us more details, we'll be able to help you out a lot more!

Given what you've told us, yes, your mom has the final say because she is paying.  However, that doesn't mean that she should have the only opinion either.  If she cares about you, then she should know well enough to take your feelings into consideration.  (Note that this doesn't always happen).  But you also may have to compromise a bit since you're not paying.  You just need to make sure that when all is said and done, you're still happy with how it turns out.  Best of luck!  And when you can, we'd really appreciate some more information!

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-wont-let-me-pick-anything-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e9a2755-519b-403a-9d35-e95e01e4502dPost:517a05dc-5069-46dc-9ef8-c95ecdefa893">Re:My mom won't let me pick anything out</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents are paying for the wedding I should be able to pick stuff out that I like not her .
Posted by anna082413[/QUOTE]

No. She is paying, she gets the ultimate say. If you want 100% say, then you need to pay. Unfortunately, when it's other's money, they really get most of the say. I'm in the same boat- that's just the way it is. You can certainly voice your opinions on what you want but she doesn't have to honor your requests.