Still can't believe this actually happened...

yellowrose314

Thought I'd share this with you ladies, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this actually happened to us...

I got a FB message from FSIL (FI's brother's wife) the other day, wanting to know when we were sending out the invitations, I let her know around the 2-3 month mark. She replied saying, and this is verbatim "Well I just wanted to give you a heads up that we will be RSVP'ing for 6 of us, so you can add that to your count ahead of time." I'm thinking 6? You have 2 kids... who are invited as their son will be our RB. So I message her back "6? Who else are you RSVP'ing for?" She tells me the extra 2 are her mother and father... who I have never met... and I've only met her once (they live in Ontario). Honestly I thought she was joking at first. I called FI over and he was speechless.

After getting over the initial shock, I messaged her back saying "I'm sorry, but unfortunately we are at our limit for guests and won't be able to accomodate your mother and father." She replied back saying that it was custom in her family for the entire family, including the mother in father to be invited to weddings... Yeah that's great but I DON'T KNOW YOUR FAMILY! I am not required to invite them, they're strangers to me! (I didn't say this to her). I apologized to her again and told her I hoped they could still make it. No reply thus far. If this isn't a WTF moment, I don't know what is.

monkeysip

Why would they even want to come?  Why would someone want to go to their son-in-laws' brother's wedding?  And they haven't even met you?  Weird (BTW... her mother and father probably don't even want to come... she probably just invited them on her own initiative).

People are weird.  They really don't understand the concept of capacity and budget restraints.

freebread03

That's hilarious.  I would have been totally speechless, and definitely would have laughed because I thought it was a joke.  Way to keep a cool head-hopefully your brother gets it!

yellowrose314

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-cant-believe-this-actually-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:71d122e5-0c53-4640-b6c0-4c6398b14773Post:c10a23f8-9617-4a92-978a-1e1ba00ffd45">Re: Still can't believe this actually happened...</a>:
[QUOTE]Why would they even want to come?  Why would someone want to go to their son-in-laws' brother's wedding?  And they haven't even met you?  Weird (BTW... her mother and father probably don't even want to come... she probably just invited them on her own initiative). People are weird.  They really don't understand the concept of capacity and budget restraints.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

Well I was talking to FMIL about this whole thing earlier, and she said she's not surprised that FSIL sent me a message like that. Apparantly her parents were quite offended that they weren't invited to FI's sisters wedding this past summer, although nothing was said at the time that I know of.

Peledreamsofrain

Is she a part of a culture that this would be the norm? I know in India, it's pretty common for the entire extended family to be invited. Beyond a cultural misunderstanding, I can't fathom anyone having the cajones to even hint for so many extra invites. Bleh

SlothGoals

Totally had this happen to me too! FMIL told me two days ago that FBILs (FIs sister's husband) PARENTS and GRANDPARENTS need to be put on the list. WTF?? I mean, we at least know his parents and see them fairly often, but the grandparents? You have got to be kidding me.

yellowrose314

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-cant-believe-this-actually-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:71d122e5-0c53-4640-b6c0-4c6398b14773Post:3b30080c-372f-49b2-bbb5-b1d19698d3f1">Re:Still can't believe this actually happened...</a>:
[QUOTE]Is she a part of a culture that this would be the norm? I know in India, it's pretty common for the entire extended family to be invited. Beyond a cultural misunderstanding, I can't fathom anyone having the cajones to even hint for so many extra invites. Bleh
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

They are Mormon, as is about half of FI's family, including FMIL. But they all think this is pretty bizarre and said it's NOT a Mormon custom, as far as they are aware.

[Deleted User]

I'm wondering if it's BECAUSE their kid (the FSIL's parents' grandkid) is the ring bearer.

My flower girl's grandparents are invited. I think I've met them in super brief passing once. Maybe twice.

My flower girl's mom (my MoH) said her mom would like to come see FG in the wedding. It's a public park, so her mom was just going to come and stand in the back. I said it was fine, but I can actually invite her and she can actually come eat if she would like. 

Or, your FSIL is just crazy.

Simply Fated

My bf's sister-in-law's parents are the same way, they keep invited themselves everywhere AND they always invite their other kids, too.

[Deleted User]

Wow!  That is pretty nervy!  Kudos to you for your perfect responses.  Just continue to hold strong!

rachelm13

We invited FIs brother's ILs but we have gone to parties at their house etc etc etc.  So it's not weird to me, but again, we as a couple, have a relationship with them.

 Do you think she invited them so they could essentially babysit the kids?

soontobehanby

My FSIL, FI's brothers wife, did the same thing! Kinda... Her mother is a horrible woman. Rude, no filter, verrrry opinionated and usually wrong (gave me grief about a cake and punch reception during a non dinner time, told my FI she would come over and slap him if he didn't make his brothers his groomsmen as he has a ton of friends and didn't want 12 gm, so he had to decide, and then called me a whore because my dress is ivory).  She made a comment about being at the wedding and I made a polite comment about the size of our guest list and having a small wedding.  My FSIL COMES TO WORK to tell me how rude it was that I said she couldn't come and that obviously I have read up on wedding ettiquite.  I laughed.  Where in ettiquite does is say "Thou shalt invite your fiance's brother's wife's mom, whom you don't know and is a B*TCH, to your wedding?!"  Where did this inviting of parents come from?! 

melb2013

It's tradition for them to be rude?  Lots of my FI's exteneded family invited themselves and then my FI's parents insisted we invite them because it was rude by Indian customs not to do so.  Yes, but this isn't India and I find it rude when people invite themselves and it does not mean that we have to roll over and pay for more people to come to our wedding.

KSerafin17

My FMIL also put FSIL's ( my FI's brother's wife) parents on our guest list. I am not sending them a STD and I don't intend to invite them to the wedding. FI agrees with me that there is no need to invite them as they are not really close or related to us. I plan to tell FMIL that they need to be cut to get the numbers where we need them to be.

I feel for you OP! I know what it is like to try and keep the numbers down and all of a sudden these road blocks pop up! At least FI is on your side!

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-cant-believe-this-actually-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:71d122e5-0c53-4640-b6c0-4c6398b14773Post:2e48b0d7-97a8-4510-b69d-8e84529a20b0">Re: Still can't believe this actually happened...</a>:
[QUOTE]We invited FIs brother's ILs but we have gone to parties at their house etc etc etc.  So it's not weird to me, but again, we as a couple, have a relationship with them. <strong> Do you think she invited them so they could essentially babysit the kids?
</strong>Posted by rachelm13[/QUOTE]

I think that this could be a likely reason. If that's the case they should just leave the kids with the parents instead of bringing everyone to the wedding.

LDubHawksFan

My MIL added one of my SIL's parents to the list and although I was hestitant because we weren't inviting both SIL's parents, we told her that they would have to be part of the 10 additional friend/family invites that they got.  No problem there.  It would be different if SIL had insisted though.  Stick to your guns!

MrsH86

If you dont receieve an invite.... you are NOT invited. LOL why is that so hard for people to comprehend? Your FSIL is ridiculous! 

heroeswearbrown

We wound up inviting one SIL's BF's parents at the request of MIL. Becuase they're friends. other SIL's BF's parents and step parents tried to invite themselves to the wedding, but thankfully, MIL did not insist on inviting them. SIL's BF's step dad gives me the creeps.

LizM61409

My FI's sister's in-laws apparently have been excited about our wedding and were talking about it like they assumed they're invited... FI and I have met them exactly once and we have no desire for them to be there. Fortunately FSIL agrees and actually would rather NOT have them there, as she figures she and her husband would be seated with them (and she's not a huge fan of spending time with them). Her husband is very laid back and I cannot imagine him getting upset about the non-invite. I told FSIL to feel free to blame me on the non-invite if they get upset when the time comes

And who assumes they're invited to a wedding? Especially when you've only met the couple once?

MOB060813

When my husband and I got married in Chicago many years ago, we recieved a reply from a couple we invited, who lived in a small town in downstate Illinois, indicating that '8' would attend! Apparently in their neck of the woods, everyone in town attended whatever wedding happened to be going on, so they thought they'd just bring their friends up north with them for the big party, and then make a weekend of it in the city!  We diplomatically explained that the invitation was for them only, and of course they complied, but there are different customs for weddings in different geographic locations, so try not to be too hard on her - maybe that is how they do things where she came from.

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-cant-believe-this-actually-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:71d122e5-0c53-4640-b6c0-4c6398b14773Post:6aded89a-61f6-4a3d-8d94-a8fe580736d5">Still can't believe this actually happened...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thought I'd share this with you ladies, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this actually happened to us... I got a FB message from FSIL (FI's brother's wife) the other day, wanting to know when we were sending out the invitations, I let her know around the 2-3 month mark. She replied saying, and this is verbatim "Well I just wanted to give you a heads up that we will be RSVP'ing for 6 of us, so you can add that to your count ahead of time." I'm thinking 6? You have 2 kids... who are invited as their son will be our RB. So I message her back "6? Who else are you RSVP'ing for?" She tells me the extra 2 are her mother and father... who I have never met... and I've only met her once (they live in Ontario). Honestly I thought she was joking at first. I called FI over and he was speechless. After getting over the initial shock, I messaged her back saying "I'm sorry, but unfortunately we are at our limit for guests and won't be able to accomodate your mother and father." She replied back saying that it was custom in her family for the entire family, including the mother in father to be invited to weddings... Yeah that's great but I DON'T KNOW YOUR FAMILY! I am not required to invite them, they're strangers to me! (I didn't say this to her). I apologized to her again and told her I hoped they could still make it. No reply thus far. If this isn't a WTF moment, I don't know what is.
Posted by yellowrose314[/QUOTE]

Did they want to invite them because they want the RB grandparents to see him be a ringbearer, maybe?!??

rude, but maybe that was where HER head was at in the matter??

SB1512

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-cant-believe-this-actually-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:71d122e5-0c53-4640-b6c0-4c6398b14773Post:6aded89a-61f6-4a3d-8d94-a8fe580736d5">Still can't believe this actually happened...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thought I'd share this with you ladies, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this actually happened to us... I got a FB message from FSIL (FI's brother's wife) the other day, wanting to know when we were sending out the invitations, I let her know around the 2-3 month mark. She replied saying, and this is verbatim "Well I just wanted to give you a heads up that we will be RSVP'ing for 6 of us, so you can add that to your count ahead of time." I'm thinking 6? You have 2 kids... who are invited as their son will be our RB. So I message her back "6? Who else are you RSVP'ing for?" She tells me the extra 2 are her mother and father... who I have never met... and I've only met her once (they live in Ontario). Honestly I thought she was joking at first. I called FI over and he was speechless. After getting over the initial shock, I messaged her back saying "I'm sorry, but unfortunately we are at our limit for guests and won't be able to accomodate your mother and father." She replied back saying that it was custom in her family for the entire family, including the mother in father to be invited to weddings... Yeah that's great but I DON'T KNOW YOUR FAMILY! I am not required to invite them, they're strangers to me! (I didn't say this to her). I apologized to her again and told her I hoped they could still make it. No reply thus far. If this isn't a WTF moment, I don't know what is.
Posted by yellowrose314[/QUOTE]

My FIL's have FI's sisters' in-laws on the wedding guest list.  I was a bit baffled by it and I think it's super weird that they are being invited since I have never met them and FI only met them when his sisters got married.