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Etiquette

who to invite and who not to invite and FH Mother

My wedding isn't until July, except my F MIL just recently got remarried and her husband had children, one of which he doesnt speak, so he is not invited and currently his daughter is also not invited except my MIL has been arguing back and forth for months with my FH that her "step-daughter" is to be invited, the step daughter happens to be in her 30s and lives in a different state and we have only met her once, and my MIL is not seeing that it is our wedding and we should invite who we would like to invite, we also wanted to get the list to 210 and we are currently at 220, and we are paying for the wedding ourselves. Everyone we have talked to about it says that she should back off because it is our wedding but we are going nuts over this because we dont want anything serious to happen but she has already said that me and my FH should UNINVITE one of our friends so the step daughter can attend, HELP any idea would be great!! Please 

Re: who to invite and who not to invite and FH Mother

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited November 2012
    Since you have never met her, I don't think you should have to invite her. However, she is just one person (2 if she brings a date), and if this is going to cause problems with your new in-laws, you might want to consider just letting this fight go.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Personally I wouldn't invite her either, but my mother and H's mother are ones who would see why that makes sense. Since it is (presumably) just two people, I would try to squeeze her in just to keep the peace with his mother, depending on your relationship with his mother.

    But I would let your fi handle this as it's his mother, as long as you two are on the same page.
  • Personally I'd extend the invite.  It's your FI's step sister.  
  • In Response to Re:who to invite and who not to invite and FH Mother:
    My wedding isn't until July, except my F MIL just recently got remarried and her husband had children, one of which he doesnt speak, so he is not invited and currently his daughter is also not invited except my MIL has been arguing back and forth for months with my FH that her quot;stepdaughterquot; is to be invited, the step daughter happens to be in her 30s and lives in a different state and we have only met her once, and my MIL is not seeing that it is our wedding and we should invite who we would like to invite, we also wanted to get the list to 210 and we are currently at 220, and we are paying for the wedding ourselves. Everyone we have talked to about it says that she should back off because it is our wedding but we are going nuts over this because we dont want anything serious to happen but she has already said that me and my FH should UNINVITE one of our friends so the step daughter can attend, HELP any idea would be great!! Pleasenbsp; Posted by marlainagemma
    Holy run on sentence Batman... You shouldn't uninvite anyone. However, I don't think it's really all that much for your FMIL to be insisting her daughter be invited. I invited my stepbrother whom I have very little relationship with. He didn't attend.
  • I don't think it's outrageous to invite the other children that the groom's MOTHER has and the other children that the groom's mother's HUSBAND has.
  • maybe i am reading this differently than others, but the step-daughter is 1) an adult and 2)'newly aquired' as in the groom did not grow up with her, does not have a relationship with her. if that is the case then i would not extend an invite. as previously said by others, those that make these kinds of demands will continue to do so and will never appreciate the trouble you go to on their behalf. the only other option i see is if MOG wants to pay for cost of adding this extra couple. i would not drop a friend to accommodate the newly added step sister unless the groom has a relationship with her.
  • Thank you everyone for your advice. I have talked with many other people and they too feel  that since there is NO relationship between my FH and his mothers new step daughter, then there is no reason she is invited.

     We are taking the approach of just telling my FMIL that we have considered her input but we are not adding anymore people to the list and that we have talked about it long enough and to stop mentioing in becuase if it is brought up again we will just ignore it and move on. 

    Thanks again for your input it is greatly appreacitaed, 

    Keep the ideas coming because depending on how my FMIL takes this request, I might be looking for differen way to approach this!
  • In Response to Re: who to invite and who not to invite and FH Mother:
    Personally I'd extend the invite.  It's your FI's step sister.  
    Posted by MrsGandthebeag
       If my FH grew up with her and there was more of a bond I definetly would, but we dont even know her LAST NAME!! I feel that if I am paying for someones meal at my wedding I should at least know a little about them, which would be their last name.
  • We had a similar issue. My fiance talked to his mother and made it clear that we would be making those decisions. We told her that her invites would be on our "b" list of invites- so if we seriously do not have that many people respond that they are coming, we will conisder inviting those people that she is suggesting. If that happens, we will most likely choose to just not invite extra people and save money by not having so many people!

    Also, if you know that the person probably won't attend, then sending an invitation out of courtesy won't hurt.



    In Response to who to invite and who not to invite and FH Mother:
    My wedding isn't until July, except my F MIL just recently got remarried and her husband had children, one of which he doesnt speak, so he is not invited and currently his daughter is also not invited except my MIL has been arguing back and forth for months with my FH that her "step-daughter" is to be invited, the step daughter happens to be in her 30s and lives in a different state and we have only met her once, and my MIL is not seeing that it is our wedding and we should invite who we would like to invite, we also wanted to get the list to 210 and we are currently at 220, and we are paying for the wedding ourselves. Everyone we have talked to about it says that she should back off because it is our wedding but we are going nuts over this because we dont want anything serious to happen but she has already said that me and my FH should UNINVITE one of our friends so the step daughter can attend, HELP any idea would be great!! Please 
    Posted by marlainagemma
  • MIL's voice...u kno the one who isn't contributing....should kick rocks....no need to stress about it....youve already decided she isn't invited...
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
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