Hi all. I'm not looking for advice here, I just want to vent because my fiance isn't interested in hearing about this and because I'm alone in a new city without anyone to really talk to.
I've been having troubles with the guest list because my in-laws are inviting a lot of distant relatives that aren't coming and my parents' families are so massive. Naturally, this has all come to a head -- I sent my parents the guest list to confirm and my mom came back and removed my cousins' SOs and added estranged family members who have been violent/inappropriate toward me and my siblings. I called back to discuss because they exceeded their limit of of 1/3 of the guest list by 20 people and included an A list and B list. I explained to them the etiquette issues and they said they were willing to deal with them. But they explained that because they're paying for the wedding, that they will invite who they want to invite, and that includes our entire family, no matter what our discussed limit was.
I guess what gets me is that they have told me over and over that this is what their parents did to them and that they weren't going to do this to me. I gave them a list to approve for a head count before I secured the venue, and they OK'd it. And then, of course, now that I'm cutting 20+ friends from my list (my fiance and I are now inviting 20% of guests, including us, our wedding party, our cousins' SOs, the vendors and our parents friends), my parents are wondering why - they say that if I want friends, that I should invite them because they're not expecting 20 of their guests to show up anyway, and my in-laws have guests they don't expect to show up, so there, we have 50 people we can invite. But we can't invite 50 people more than the space holds... plus an additional $500 worth of invitations isn't in our budget.
I'm frustrated, and I know you all are going to tear into me and say that this is what I get when my parents pay for the wedding. My dad has been saving up for my wedding since the day he knew he was having a daughter, and something he's been talking about his whole life. And we are paying for what we can afford of the wedding. And naturally, my fiance is so upset with me for not standing up to my dad properly, and saying that I should just cross people off the list that we don't want to come. But my parents keep saying that family trumps friends, and I have a lot of respect for my parents.
I'm confused and frustrated and I just wish I didn't have to cut people I have close relationships with for people who don't like me.
End rant. Please don't tell me that you told me so - it's not like I'm inviting more than my venue holds and I'm not doing the A list and B list (I'm just inviting both of my parents' lists...) and I'm not crossing people off their lists. I just want to get my feelings out there because I have no one else to talk to.