Need some advice - my dad has a strange guest list

jessandkevin

So I asked my dad to give me his guest list so we can get our STD sent out. As I'm going through the list I notice several unfamiliar names. Well, my dad is a member of a guitar forum and the unfamiliar names are his 'friends' on the forum. It seems very strange to me to invite people that I have never met and most of which my dad has never met either to the wedding. These are totally just random people he has met over the internet.

I guess I want to know if  am I being unreasonable to remove them from the guest list? Is this weird? Or am I just being overly-sensitive? 

laurenclaire1386

I think this is an interesting question to post on an internet forum. A lot of people here will probably attest to the fact that internet friendships are a very real thing. I'm pretty sure there are brides here who've invited friends they've made on this forum to their wedding. It's a little different from the situation with your dad, though. If you have room and enough money in the budget for your dad to invite his friends (regardless of how he met said friends), I think it would be a nice thing for you to do. I realize there are lots of crazies on the internet too though. Do you trust his judgment?

SimplyIndulgent

I would talk to him about it first.  In the end, yes I would say I would probably want them removed, but I would see what his reasons are for wanting them there.  If he just wants to meet them, then you need to let him know there is probably a better time and place for that.  Maybe there are  a couple he would like there and you can find a compromise and get rid of the ones he hasn't had a lot of personal contact with.

emisi

I would think it was weird.  While I have online friends that I've known for YEARS and would invite them to my wedding, unless he's met them once or twice or has known them an EXTREMELY long time, I would say you could remove them.  Your wedding should not be his GTG with his new buddies.

MyNameIsNot

I invited my internet friends.  

It really is the same as any other guest list issue.  Is he paying or is someone else?  Is there room in the budget/venue for them?  If he's paying or they are within his alloted number of invites, leave them.  If you're out of space and he's not paying, it's ok to say no.  

ZoeTheDog

I think LaurenClaire makes a great point, but these are internet friends your dad has made, not you. 

I'm not advocating background checks on everyone, but maybe discuss with your dad that this is an uncomfortable situation for you and could he differentiate between people he's met and not met? 

Also, is money a factor, like is he going to say, "But my money is paying for these guests!!" 

jessandkevin

yeah... i totally understand meeting people you really click with on the internet. and i'm not saying that you can't become real friends with people that way. i suppose it's strange for me because i don't know these people at all and he hasn't met many of them either. it's not like these are my internet friends. he also told me that he doubts any of them would even come anyway.... so all in all, i guess it just seemed odd to me to invite them.
my dad is paying for a little bit of the wedding. but the majority of the money is coming out of my mom's (my parents are divorced), mine, and the FI's pocket.
but i DO appreciate everyone's thoughts! 

tlv204

Yeah, that's a little odd. Maybe try to compromise and invite the ones he has met in person (even if you haven't), but not the ones he hasn't met? I agree that you can make great friends on the internet, but like others have said, your wedding isn't really the best place to meet them for the first time I don't think.

betrothed123

I was invited to a knottie's wedding that I had never met in person (I still haven't met this person IRL, either).  I must say I thought it was a bit strange.  Like PPs have said, it's one thing to invite someone you met online and then met in person prior to the invitation, but to meet them for the first time at the wedding is strange.

I'd offer to compromise and invite the ones he has met in person already.

LesaBear

Find out why he wants to invite them and how well he knows them in real life. My FMIL gave us a list of people she went to grade school with and hadn't been friends with since. FI asked her about it. She didn't have a good answer so we didn't invite them.

jena.n.ross

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-dad-strange-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83bfe65d-07c8-49a5-9cd7-9bfdecb7f9a7Post:5acbf089-5917-4a54-9c56-4b19915e6630">Re: Need some advice - my dad has a strange guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]OKay, that's really, really weird to me. I mean, he has never met this people in person so what if they're like, psycho freaks or something? Your wedding is not a GTG.
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

<div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:'Times New Roman';line-height:normal;font-size:medium;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-dad-strange-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83bfe65d-07c8-49a5-9cd7-9bfdecb7f9a7Post:996867c5-6060-4d5c-8c4c-79d05cc1639b">Re: Need some advice - my dad has a strange guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]I was invited to a knottie's wedding that I had never met in person (I still haven't met this person IRL, either).  I must say I thought it was a bit strange.  Like PPs have said, it's one thing to invite someone you met online and then met in person prior to the invitation, but to meet them for the first time at the wedding is strange. I'd offer to compromise and invite the ones he has met in person already.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">I've got to disagree, ladies :(  You're not any more likely to know if someone is "psycho freak" if you've been face to face with them.  Unless you're a mind reader, laying eyeballs on someone is not a pass on a psychiatric eval.</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">And we have people on our guest list that we haven't met "IRL" (that phrase kills me, eyeballs do not equal real life).  </div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">The issue here isn't that he has never laid eyeballs on them.  The issue needs to be: my dad wants to invite a bunch of his friends that I've never met, do I let him?  Regardless of where he met them.   Just tell him you want to limit your guest list to people that know you.  </div></span></div>

tlv204

In my world, yes, eyeballs equal real life. I'm not discounting internet friendships or relationships and you're right that you can't tell if someone is psycho by seeing them, but there is a lot of communication that certainly DOES require eyeballs, and therefore I feel that you tend to know more about people that you know IRL than you do internet friends. Clearly that is a generalization and not always true, but again, a wedding =/= a GTG to me. I would never invite someone to my wedding that I or our parents had never met.

SarahPLiz

I think inviting your internet friends is one thing, but inviting your parent's internet friends is a different story.

If Trix or OOTmother had invited one of us to their kids' weddings, that would be just plain weird.

However, if your father is paying, its his choice. You can, however, talk to him and share your concerns.

cukimerrydoll

I would definitely talk it over...
We are inviting my mom's coworkers (her entire fricking department), because she had a temper tantrum about it.  I've only met half of them, and I think I've only met two of their spouses.  Granted, I knew I wanted to invite one of her coworkers - because she's awesome and I watch her dog and cat when she's OOT (even for her wedding).

It happens.  We're also inviting people that I haven't seen in 10 years that she calls a "friend of the family" (if it's her friend, if it's Dad's it's just one of his buddies), and a bunch of family on FH's side that he doesn't know.

Anyway, I would talk it over, but it happens.  The guest list and the seating arrangements are the worst parts (for me, anyway).  Discuss, get through it, and hopefully you'll come to some conclusions that make both of you happy or at least comfortable.

juelharwig

You should invite only people YOU have met. It's creepy to invite friends of friends; especially since he has never met them! Remember: It's your wedding, not theirs! What if one of them turns out to be creepy or the rudly abnoxious guest...good chances of that happening. I've seen it before.

etaraskewich

I would take them off the list. Inviting your internet friends might be a tiny weird, inviting your dad's internet friends is totally weird.

kkaimala

We aren't inviting anyone that we haven't met... or anyone that we havent been close with in the last one or two years. the only exception to the rule would be a few of FIs family members that he isn't close with, but we would like to be close with in the future. I haven't met them yet, so I doubt they'll come, but he would like to share our day with them and that's all that matters to me. Plus, I have at least twice as many family members coming and it will make FMIL happy. As for your situation, I would make the same rule... No one that he hasn't met in person, there's no harm in allowing a few of them just to make him happy. I know he said that they most likely won't come, but what if they do? You should never invite someone expecting them to not come, because you never know.

tamicatbaby

A few questions I would have to ask are

who is paying for them? is it his money or yours?

if he is paying for the wedding and they are close friends of his, then I think you need to go along with it.

If you are paying for it, maybe but look at how big or small your guest list is and if you do want to take them off, I would talk to him about it gently.