Wedding Etiquette Forum

Not sure how to handle this

So, fi and I got engaged in September and are planning a late June wedding in 2010.  My older brother, who I have had a rocky relationship with, has all of a sudden announced that he will be proposing to his girlfriend early in June.  Fi and I tried gently suggesting that he wait until the following month, and he wouldn't listen - seems it has to be done by the time my wedding comes around.  My family is thrilled about his news even though they barely know his girlfriend, and our whole time together at Thanksgiving was spent talking about those two.  I felt like my upcoming wedding was already being overshadowed.  I am upset that he has suddenly decided to do this just before our wedding and won't wait until even a week after it.  Am I being ridiculous getting upset about the timing?  If so, how do I deal and let it go?  If not, what can I do to express myself to him?  Advice greatly appreciated.

Re: Not sure how to handle this

  • If your wedding is being overshadowed by this, then I am sure that at the next big event something will come up that will overshadow them.  Perhaps Aunt Wilma will make an out of this world fruitcake.

    Really?  Do you care that much?  Concentrate on your own deal and let him do his thing.  It doesn't matter when he proposes; your family will still be excited on your wedding day.  Do you really need 6 months of excitement?
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  • It won't be overshadowed.  Everyone will think you're the prettiest princess in the land.
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  • I don't see any reason for him to postpone his engagement because of your wedding.    People are excited, so while you might feel overshadowed now, keep in mind that on your wedding day, everyone's focus will be on you, not your brother and his fiancee. 
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  • ::TAKES DEEP BREATH::

    Yougetonedayandnotawholemonth.

    Got it?

    It is pretty petty of you to be jealous of some really nice news. Other issues like who this girl is, if they are ok for each other and your own relationship with your brother seem to be the real things going on here and you should probably get to the bottom of those. This news should not be about your wedding day though.
  • For lack of any patience that I may have at one time possessed, you're being ridiculous.

    Are you getting married for the recognition or to get married?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-sure-handle-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:88d4d251-1628-4344-8e06-d6f28767cbcbPost:56b4b4b7-0fcb-49cc-a988-c72447d390d4">Not sure how to handle this</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, fi and I got engaged in September and are planning a late June wedding in 2010.  My older brother, who I have had a rocky relationship with, has all of a sudden announced that he will be proposing to his girlfriend early in June.  Fi and I tried gently suggesting that he wait until the following month, and he wouldn't listen - seems it has to be done by the time my wedding comes around.  My family is thrilled about his news even though they barely know his girlfriend, and our whole time together at Thanksgiving was spent talking about those two.  I felt like my upcoming wedding was already being overshadowed.  I am upset that he has suddenly decided to do this just before our wedding and won't wait until even a week after it.  Am I being ridiculous getting upset about the timing?  If so, how do I deal and let it go?  If not, what can I do to express myself to him?  Advice greatly appreciated.
    Posted by stephj333[/QUOTE]

    Just get yourself knocked up.  That'll put the attention back on you, where it belongs.
  • tlv204tlv204 member
    First Comment
    edited November 2009
    Yes I think you're being a litte ridiculous. Your wedding does not dictate how he lives his life. Other people have things going on in their lives that are WAY more important to them than your wedding. It seems like a big deal to you, but to everyone else, it will just be another wedding. Trust me. They'll still have fun at your wedding, make it as awesome/fun as you can and be the best, most gracious hostess you can be, and everyone will talk about it for a while whether he proposes or not. The two events aren't related at all. Even if nothing exciting happens at all for 4 months before and after your wedding, people can only care so much before they move on with their lives.

    PS My brother in law proposed to his now-wife 2 months before our wedding. I was a normal family member and therefore was very excited that he found someone that made him happy.
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  • Well, at least he is being nice enough to not propose now, so he won't ruin the next 7 months! 

    First of all, other exciting things will hppen before your wedding.  Second, I think it is a great idea, so him and his new FI will be able to see the whole family at once as an engaged couple and share their excitement.

    You do realize that a second piece of exciting news does not detract from the first, it only heightens the excitement.  Don't be so selfish.

    Fruitcakes are so exciting. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Sascha,
    I knew that you would appreciate a good ol' fashioned, exciting fruitcake.  Now, THAT is news!
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • Just make sure the rock he gets his future FI is smaller than yours.  You don't want your wedding guests distracted by the bling.

    Of course, if he can afford a superhugerock, you should insist he buy you a diamond tiara for a wedding present.  Then, the bling focus will magically transfer back to it's rightful owner.
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  • I DO love me a good fruit cake.
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  • edited November 2009
    I never believe that posts like this are real.  Are you serious?  Yes, you are being ridiculous.  As long as your brother does not propose at your wedding, you're fine.  
  • Don't be a twat.  Be happy for your brother.

    Newsflash: nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do, nor should they.
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  • The sad truth is, I have never received a fruitcake or tried one.  I have just always wanted to own one so I could regift it for years to come.  Maybe play a little football in the leaves with it.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Personally, I have not had one either but they seem so damn festive.

    I would also love to regift a fruitcake:  "Remember that I got this the Christmas after the Thanksgiving that StephJ's Bro announced his engagement after that September when StephJ announced her wedding date?  I don't really remember what happened, but I sure do remember this fruitcake!"
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-sure-handle-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:88d4d251-1628-4344-8e06-d6f28767cbcbPost:b88eb4ab-b65f-41e0-b798-09ac4786b966">Re: Not sure how to handle this</a>:
    [QUOTE]The sad truth is, I have never received a fruitcake or tried one.  I have just always wanted to own one so I could regift it for years to come.  Maybe play a little football in the leaves with it.
    Posted by saschaduran[/QUOTE]

    Every year FILs get a fruitcake in the shape of Texas from an old friend and every year FI and his brother use it as a shooting target.  Apparently it takes bullets well.
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  • I've never received or tasted one either. But according to some comedian (Dane Cook maybe? Jim Gaffigan? I don't remember) they taste like there are skittles in there instead of fruit. I like skittles, so I want to give one a try.
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  • Out of curiosity, who announces 7 months in advance that they are going to propose to someone? Doesn't that kinda ruin the surprise?

    On the other hand, my grandfather loved fruitcake. I always thought it symbolized his mental state.
  • Fruitcake really isn't that good. My mother makes a nice one, but at the end of the day, it's still fruitcake and it's really not as thrilling as one might imagine.
  • You are overreacting a bit. Why does someone need to wait to be engaged until after your wedding? You have one wedding day, not a wedding year. Me and 2 of my friends and 4 of my FI friends all all engaged, and it's all good fun.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-sure-handle-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:88d4d251-1628-4344-8e06-d6f28767cbcbPost:3ab36d7d-4241-45a6-8b64-bebc7d24516d">Re: Not sure how to handle this</a>:
    [QUOTE]Out of curiosity, who announces 7 months in advance that they are going to propose to someone? Doesn't that kinda ruin the surprise?
    Posted by niffycat[/QUOTE]

    Good point. I think at that point we knew we wanted to get married, but there was certainly no proposal planned out. He didn't even tell his sister or our parents until the day before, mostly because SIL, MIL, and my mom have giant mouths.
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
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  • I know I just made a post complaining about complaining, but I really miss the bubbles :(
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  • I miss the bubbles too.  OP, where are you?
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • Bless your heart. But the good news is that you have 7 whole months to break them up so that they don't ruin this very special time for you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-sure-handle-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:88d4d251-1628-4344-8e06-d6f28767cbcbPost:cff395db-a659-466e-9f20-d0470df46d0d">Re: Not sure how to handle this</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally, I have not had one either but they seem so damn festive. I would also love to regift a fruitcake:  "Remember that I got this the Christmas after the Thanksgiving that StephJ's Bro announced his engagement after that September when StephJ announced her wedding date?  I don't really remember what happened, but I sure do remember this fruitcake!"
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    SB....you are just amazing...

    Brie...that is also pretty amazing.  A fruitcake in the shape of Texas.  I would shoot it too.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Congrats on your engagement!

    Who the eff cares when they get engaged?  As long as it's not at your wedding, you have no right to dictate when it happens.

    And ditto pp, it's a little weird to plan something 6 months in advance.  Who knows, they might be broken up by then.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-sure-handle-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:88d4d251-1628-4344-8e06-d6f28767cbcbPost:170798ae-e13d-4688-85bb-42e4c6015d23">Re: Not sure how to handle this</a>:
    [QUOTE]I DO love me a good fruit cake.
    Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]


    fruitcacke is only as good as the rum  it has soaked in for at least one year.
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