Etiquette

If you had, or are having, and adult only wedding...

So I'm wondering how many of you who had (or are having) an adult only wedding had people RSVP adding their kids when the invitation was only addressed to mom/dad?

We've decided no kids, and so I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the possibility that someone will most likely add their kids to the RSVP. I definitely stand by my decision to not have kids at the wedding, but I'll be honest and say that I don't want to deal with the stress of having to confront these people or listen to them plead their case on why little Susie should come because she's "so well behaved".

Is it rude of me to enlist someone (like mom or FMIL) to help call and tell people they can't bring their kids, or is it expected that I should call? I'd say the majority of the people with kids, are from fiancé's list, and I don't know them well. I think it would feel strange calling his family I don't really know to tell them their kid can't come.

Re: If you had, or are having, and adult only wedding...

  • You're probably going to have some people do this.  You should call the people on your side of the family.  FI should handle those on his.
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  • I would have your fiance call the ones on his side and you can call the ones on your side. Hopefully you won't have this problem though.
  • It's nobody's job other than yours or your FI's to explain to people that they RSVP'd for too many people.  Just remember, no matter what they say to you or how guilty they try to make you feel, in the end, it's their bad if they try to add the kids who aren't invited.
  • You also have plenty of time to start spreading the no kid word.  When DD got married and had a no kid wedding I took the opportunity any time someone asked about the wedding to slip in their that we could not accomodate children.

    By the time the wedding rolled around most people knew kids weren't invited and we didn't have issues with it.  The issues came when DD had to deal with her biomom and stepdad - they have families that procreate like bunnies and wanted everyone invited.  They weren't paying so we stuck with no kids.

    Please remember that sometimes that is a deal breaker for people to attend.  They either don't have a sitter or refuse to attend without their little honeybuns.  Be gracious if they decline and don't get into any debates about it.
  • I think it's fine for anyone issuing the invitations, and the bride and groom if they did not issue the invitations, to call and explain the intent/meaning of the invitations. So, if your parents are hosting, you can enlist them. Otherwise, I agree with PPs.
  • The groom did have teenage cousins as did the bride and they were invited.  Other than that, the only child invited was the flower girl, age 7.

    There was not one RSVP with a child tacked on.  Not a single one.

    My guess is that the word got around what a b!tch I can be when crossed.  That's just a guess, of course.
  • edited December 2011
    We had a no-kid wedding (with the exception of H's brothers, who were about 9 and 11 at the time).

    My dad's cousin RSVP'ed with their kid. Selected the filet for a young toddler, good grief. I had my dad take care of it. I don't really know the cousin.

    They ended up not coming.
  • We had completely blank response cards (except for the RSVP date) and not a single person added a child on.

    It probably would have been that way anyway, but like KMMSG, when people with kids asked anything about the wedding, we made sure to let them know it was adult's only.
  • Thanks everyone!

    I myself have made it a point when talking about the wedding to mention the no kids thing. We just spent Christmas with FI's family and they are the ones who have gaggles of kids. Whenever they asked about the wedding I made sure to mention that I was a little stressed with our large guest list, and how we reached our max already without kids. I'm definitely expecting some people to be miffed their kids aren't invited and I'm totally fine with them not coming. Less people to pay for. ;) 

    We are planning on setting up a house on site (we're getting married in a resort community in the town we live) with babysitters for the kids and we're footing the bill for it. I know some people will not want to use the sitters, and that's totally fine. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    I did not have an adult only wedding, but the only kids invited were my 7 nieces and nephews.  DH doesn't have any.  If DH had and nieces/nephews or if we had any underage siblings or first cousin they would have been invited also, we just didn't have any that fit in that category.

    Anyway,  I just put the names of those invited on the envelope.   In our circles kids are assumed NOT invited unless told otherwise (ie: their names are on the invitation).  It was a non-issue for us.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to Re: If you had, or are having, and adult only wedding...:
    I think it's fine for anyone issuing the invitations, and the bride and groom if they did not issue the invitations, to call and explain the intent/meaning of the invitations. So, if your parents are hosting, you can enlist them. Otherwise, I agree with PPs.
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne
    I completely agree with this.  I don't think it's the bride/groom's sole responsibility if someone else is hosting.
  • We had an adult only wedding and no one RSVP'd with their kids' names.  Almost all our friends have kids and were excited for a few hours to enjoy kid free.  I think most people will understand.  Don't worry about it until you have to.
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