Is this out of line?

Blueyed228

So my FI's parents are hosting our rehearsal dinner and we are thrilled that they offered.  They used to live here but sold their house and live in their Florida house right now.  They are currently house hunting back up here.

So FMIL (whom I adore!) mentioned that she was looking at a few places.  I really dont like the places that she mentioned.  They are further away from the church than I thought they should be, and really not our style.  These were just mentioned in passing.  She has not done any serious looking yet since we have plenty of time.

So I was thinking about doing the groundwork for her and going to check out a few places on my own.  And if I found something, I would share it with her since she is not up here to go looking herself.

Would this be over-stepping my bounds since she is hosting?  It would ultimately be up to her and I would be happy with whatever she chose.  I just though maybe I could steer her in a different direction without coming off ungrateful.

danieliza1127

If she asks you what you think about certain places, you can give her a polite but honest opinion.  I don't see anything wrong with asking her if she would like you to do some research for her.  If she says no though, then you need to back off.

Calypso1977

unless she asks your opionion, you really cannot comment.  its their event.
i suggest you say, "hey, i'm sure you have enough on your plate with trying to move and all, dont worry about hosting the RD, we can take care of it".  then pick a place and pay yourself.  you'll be much happier.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93d88e0e-95c6-481b-927c-20a16a789901Post:0cc9428e-b102-4f69-ab6a-52d37e2c5ec8">Re: Is this out of line?</a>:
[QUOTE]If she asks you what you think about certain places, you can give her a polite but honest opinion.  I don't see anything wrong with asking her if she would like you to do some research for her.  If she says no though, then you need to back off.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Dani wins.  As per usual.

AlexiaANDRobert

I third Dani's reply.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93d88e0e-95c6-481b-927c-20a16a789901Post:0cc9428e-b102-4f69-ab6a-52d37e2c5ec8">Re: Is this out of line?</a>:
[QUOTE]If she asks you what you think about certain places, you can give her a polite but honest opinion.  I don't see anything wrong with asking her if she would like you to do some research for her.  If she says no though, then you need to back off.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Thats what I thought.  I figured I could mention a few places and see how she responds.  If it doesnt look like its gonna fly, ill just leave it alone.

In the grand scheme of things, the place doesnt matter.

FutureMrsDudley55

My FI's dad and step mom are hosting our RD, and I didn't make any suggestions unless they asked for them. I didn't want them to feel like I was stepping on any toes, so I didn't say anything to them about anything unless asked.

L-Bride

Would you prefer to have the RD in Peabody? Where is she suggesting?
If I was going to suggest something to my FMIL, I would say something like "Your suggestion does sound nice, do you think that might be too far for guests though?"
Sort of like you're turning it around and asking her opinion while slightly hinting at what you want. Other than that I don't think I would say anything unless your FI did.

HTH

Blueyed228

I would like something in Salem.  She is looking at North End and places way up route 1.  Its fine but my family gets up at 5am for work so I really dont want it to go super late.  Parking in North End is beyond ridic and way up route 1 is like 20 min away.

The places I like are within 10 min. 

L-Bride

That's where I figured she was looking. No need to go all the way in to Bean when Salem has restaurants that are perfect for RDs

weddingbells2010

When my fiance's parents offered to host the RD, I had the same problem.  Love them to death and thrilled they offered, but they were picking things that were totally not us.  Plus, several people who would attend have food restrictions (myself included) and some of their chosen places would not accommodate them.

Since I had just recently planned a bridal shower for a friend, I happened to have a folder full of catering menus and venue info totally appropriate for the size of our RD.  I just handed her the folder and said how wonderful these places were, but since the shower was over I had no use for it anymore and thought it might help her, since she was so busy with other things.  It was well received and she wound up picking one of the places from my folder that we did happen to like a lot.

Long story short, if you go about it the right way, your offer to help shouldn't be a problem.  Just don't be a control freak about it.