Etiquette

Invitations vs Announcements

So... long time lurker with a question. My fiance and I are planning a wedding for about 100 people, we are paying for it ourselves and are very budget minded. My fiance's family  thinks that we should be sending a much larger part of his family invitiations - this would put the total invited at something like 200 people. Now my FMIL assures us that none of these people will actually come, but we think its poor form to send invitations to people that we don't actually want/expect/plan on coming. So we offered to purchase announcements and send them out on the day of our wedding to everyone that she wants to make aware of our wedding. She thinks this is cold, and that we would offend family members by sending them an announcement rather than an invitation.  However, we simply cannot afford more guests, and even though she feels very confident they won't actually come - what if they do??  I don't want to offend her, or his family, but what we can afford is what we can afford.

How would you handle this situation? 

Re: Invitations vs Announcements

  • You're paying so at the end of the day you have the final say of the guestlist.
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  • you're in the right here; you should NOT send invitations to people you don't actually want / expect to come.  If she feels announcements are cold then don't send them anything.
  • This goes in the "she's not paying, so she can STFU" box.  And frankly, she's probably dead wrong that they "would never actually attend."  A cousin of mine got screwed  by this logic when like 50 members of our extended family who "would never travel for the wedding" showed up.  We didn't violate the venue's fire code, but we were squeezed in like sardines because there were 50 more bodies in the room than anticipated, and she was out serious money over it.  Don't invite them. 
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  • Send announcements or don't send anything at all.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination
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    I think every bride on this site has an 'oh,they won't come' story.  You'd be surprised at who shows up that you don't think will (and vice versa).  If you can afford 100, then invite 100... end of sentence. No B list (as in you'll invite them if enough people decline).  Your FI needs to handle his mother and tell her that the guest list is decided, and the subject is closed for discussion.
  • I had the exact feeling that many of my extended family members would not be able or willing to fly across the country for my wedding.   I have been pleasantly surprised to hear that some of them are planning on coming.   Do not invite more than your budget or venue will allow. 

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  • I'd tell her that you'll invite them if she'll pickup the tab for any that end up coming, otherwise its your wedding.  This is assuming you're ok with more ppl regardless of financing.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
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    You should follow your instincts.  You are absolutely correct that you should assume everyone will come.  We invited 105 people to our wedding and 99 RSVP'd yes.  So it is possible just about everyone will come.  If your FMIL thinks it's "cold" to send an announcement after your wedding, than I would just not invite the extra people or send the announcements out.
  • Thanks for the advice! Helpful to know I'm not the only one in a situation like this.
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