Do I have to invite the spouses of my staff?

gillbritton

I'm a teacher at a really small school....we have a total of 14 staff including teachers, principal, secretary and custodian. I'm getting married in October, 2010 and I will be inviting my principal and the other teachers at my school. Because we are such a small school, I'm inviting all of the teachers in order to avoid any hurt feelings. However, here's what I need to know:

#1) Do I also need to invite our custodian? We don't always get along and I don't really want to. But, am I obligated to?

#2) As I said, I'm inviting all of the other teachers in order to avoid offending anyone, and to be honest, I do want MOST of them there. HOwever, since we are holding our ceremony and reception in the same venue and at times very close together, everyone at the ceremony will also be present for the dinner/reception. Am I obligated to invite the spouses of the other teachers? I don't really want to, nor do I have the money to invite them (it would be an additional 12 people to invite/pay for). My future MIL says that I should allow my principal to bring his wife, and then invite the teachers individually, and explain to them personally the reasons why their spouses are not invited. Thoughts?

Mrs.B6302007

If you invite a married/engaged guest, yes, you must invite his/her spouse.

thesuninherhead

My thoughts are that it's incredibly rude and insulting to be invited sans spouse, and you're going to have less hurt feelings if you choose not to invite your workmates than you will have should you invite them without significant others. 

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-spouses-of-staff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d1fefad-330d-4a13-bcd7-fa3e004c3f15Post:21f97fcf-d68e-479f-901e-a4f3c6fb362b">Re: Do I have to invite the spouses of my staff?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you invite a married/engaged guest, yes, you must invite his/her spouse.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

Copied, just in case you didn't get it the first time.

crfische

You are not obligated to invite any of your coworkers.

If you do invite your coworkers and they are married or in serious relationships, you have to invite their spouses.

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-spouses-of-staff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d1fefad-330d-4a13-bcd7-fa3e004c3f15Post:21f97fcf-d68e-479f-901e-a4f3c6fb362b">Re: Do I have to invite the spouses of my staff?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you invite a married/engaged guest, yes, you must invite his/her spouse.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

Mrs. B is on a roll, as usual. Her advice is exactly what you should do.

I honestly wouldn't invite someone that I didn't get along with.

charlsie26

yes, husband and wifes are a social unit.  They must be invited together.  On the response card, you can put down, "_2_ seats are reserved in your name"  "___Guests accepting"  "____ Guests declining"  That way maybe a group of the girls can go and leave the husbands at home.  But they must be invited together. 

If you invite everyone, invite everyone...don't single out one guy. 

redheadfsu

You need to invite the spouses or long term SO. 

tenofcups4me

Yes, you have to invite their spouses. But you don't have to invite the co-workers to begin with (unless you want to). If you do invite the co-workers, the spouses come as part of the deal.

Mrs.B6302007

Yeah, if it's too much for your budget just don't invite anyone from school.  They should understand. If they don't, that's their problem, not yours.

ThePinkSuperhero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-spouses-of-staff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d1fefad-330d-4a13-bcd7-fa3e004c3f15Post:d66325b9-7d68-4cd3-a62f-fe9ca7ffc922">Do I have to invite the spouses of my staff?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a teacher at a really small school....we have a total of 14 staff including teachers, principal, secretary and custodian. I'm getting married in October, 2010 and I will be inviting my principal and the other teachers at my school. Because we are such a small school, I'm inviting all of the teachers in order to avoid any hurt feelings. However, here's what I need to know: #1) Do I also need to invite our custodian? We don't always get along and I don't really want to. But, am I obligated to? #2) As I said, I'm inviting all of the other teachers in order to avoid offending anyone, and to be honest, I do want MOST of them there. HOwever, since we are holding our ceremony and reception in the same venue and at times very close together, everyone at the ceremony will also be present for the dinner/reception. Am I obligated to invite the spouses of the other teachers? I don't really want to, nor do I have the money to invite them (it would be an additional 12 people to invite/pay for). My future MIL says that I should allow my principal to bring his wife, and then invite the teachers individually, and explain to them personally the reasons why their spouses are not invited. Thoughts?
Posted by gillbritton[/QUOTE]

I didn't even read your full post.  If the question is- "Do I have to invite the spouses of", the answer is YES.  On the other hand, I think it's crazy to invite every teacher at your whole school.  Just invites your friends.

lauralaur

Were I you, I would not invite any of them, to save feelings and my budget. But if you want some there and think you should invite all, then yes, you need to invite spouses as well. And I personally would invite the custodian simply because if you don't he will be the ONLY staff-member not invited. If you guys don't exactly get along, there is a good chance he/she will not come anyway.

Blusieme

I think everyone covered the spouse item....yes you must invite the spouse of anyone who is invited. its both of them or neither of them. 

But the custodian....I dont know what that role is in a school, as it relates to everyone else in a school. Are they higher in "rank" to the teachers, then I think you should invite them also. 

This is so awkward b/c you dont want hard feelings w/ anyone. but if you really cant invite everyone, then just invite the principle & his spouse. 

Btw, have you received your RSVP. Can you determine how many A list guests have declined? 

best wishes. 

 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-spouses-of-staff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d1fefad-330d-4a13-bcd7-fa3e004c3f15Post:d66325b9-7d68-4cd3-a62f-fe9ca7ffc922">Do I have to invite the spouses of my staff?</a>:
[QUOTE] HOwever, since we are holding our ceremony and reception in the same venue and at times very close together, everyone at the ceremony will also be present for the dinner/reception.
Posted by gillbritton[/QUOTE]

uhhhhh...if your ceremony and reception were not in the same venue and at times very close together, would you think that everyone at the ceremony would not also be present for the dinner/reception?

banana468

It really doesn't matter where your ceremony and reception are.  If you're inviting coworkers, you're inviting their spouses.

HOWEVER, you don't have to invite coworkers.  You could just invite your principal. 

Pink7781

I second the PPs. You aren't obligated to invite any of your coworkers, however you are obligated to invite the spouse of anyone you are inviting to the wedding. As charlsie said, a married couple are a social unit, meaning you do not invite one and not the other.

betrothed123

As everyone else said, you are not obligated to invite coworkers.  However, if you do, you are obligated to invite their spouses.  Also, if you invite coworkers, you can't single out one person to not invite.  That will make you look like a major asss.

beatlesgirl25

I am surprised at how willing you are to invite people to your wedding who you otherwise wouldn't want to hang out with (some teachers, custodian), rather than using those spaces for spouses of the guests you DO want there. I think you should make that shift as others have specified.