My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:b46093a3-eebc-40e2-bbfb-2750df6008e6">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to  Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Are you saying that a couple that goes to city hall to sign the certificate has a less meaningful wedding than someone who throws a big party?  See how it works the other way?   I personally think that as long as you're honest with your guests about being already married, you can throw yourself a first anniversary party, or whatever it will be, and reaffirm your vows if you want to do it in front of people that weren't with you when you got married, but you cannot really have a do-over wedding.  As a guest at an event like this, my feelings would depend on my relationship with you and how much you made it look like a wedding (I would roll my eyes at a "first dance" if you'd been married for months).  Your wedding is no less meaningful than anyone else's wedding, but it's already happened.  
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

First of all, everybody coming to my wedding knows that we had to sign the marriage license before our actual wedding because of the visa situation. I had planned out the wedding and invited people before I lost my original residency visa in Japan. Oddly, every single one of my guests completely gets it and has no problem with the situation. Seems like only this group of holier-than-thou self proclaimed wedding experts that want to degrade and rename my wedding. <div>
<div><div>You're missing the point. I didn't have any wedding. I didn't have any type of ceremony in any form. My husband and I didn't go to a courthouse and say any type of vow in front of any judge... nothing even remotely similar to this happened. If this is how its done in the states then fine, but thats not how it happened here.</div><div>
</div><div>All we essentially did was sign the 'Japanese' marriage license (which is actually 'intent to wed' if you wanna get specific) and drop it off for a stamp at a city hall in Tokyo. My husband didn't even go with me to hand it off to the minimum wage kid working the information counter at city hall. He didn't even go with me to the Embassy to get my visa. This isn't a wedding of any kind, and calling it such is insulting.</div><div>
</div><div>Two people getting married at a courthouse in front of a judge or however they do it in the US... Yeah, thats a wedding. Dropping off paperwork isn't. If you don't see the difference then there is no point in arguing about it anyhow. </div></div></div>

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:20d39386-1a34-4ff0-b6e8-f1176a2dd71e">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Well I hope you at least got some good advice before everyone focused on you being already married. You just really need to talk to your bridesmaids. Maybe it's because you are already married and they don't feel as obligated to it. Let them know that you went to court and you didn't really have a wedding. I think if they are your friends they will be understanding and hopefully will stop acting the way they are.  I think a lot of problems on here that people have is simply because they are picking the wrong friends or are not communicating with them. My bridesmaids and MOH all get along and have not caused me any drama. We are open and honest about everything. One said she couldn't afford more than a $200 dress so we all agreed to keep it under. No one complained.  So just talk to them, get things worked out, and foget the mean things people have said, and enjoy your dream wedding :)
Posted by catloverd[/QUOTE]

<div>I appreciate what you said here.</div><div>
</div><div>I agree, I perhaps picked less than ideal bridesmaids. </div><div>
</div><div>Two of my best friends work for the UN, and they were originally going to be my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids, but they're overseas and can't take leave. </div><div>
</div><div>I sent out an email yesterday explaining everything to them. My maid of honor was perfectly fine with it... haven't recieved responses from the others yet. </div><div>
</div><div>After 4 years of saving up for my dream wedding, I'm just going to have to say to hell with it... I can only accomodate so much before it gets out of line. I'm happy to pay for the dresses, the limo, the reception... I've even told all of my guests not to give us presents because them having to travel to come to our ceremony is enough of a gift. I hope they don't see me as being a tightwad for expecting them to bring their purse. They could take a backpack for all I care, you know? I'm not that picky.</div>

JanoBean75

OP, let me explain the hubbub: Usually when a new poster somes on and says they are already married due to military/visa/whatever reason, but they are having their "real" wedding later, that poster actually had a JOP wedding where both the B & G went to the courthouse to get married. THAT is the real wedding...the rest is just a party, commonly referred to here as a PPD (Pretty Princess Day).

It's very insulting to those that chose a courthouse wedding to say it's not a real wedding -- it's like saying their marriage isn't valid. The day you speak your vows and sign the papers is your real wedding, by definition.

But I see where you're coming from. If you did your paperwork without his actual presence, you didn't have even a courthouse wedding in the normal sense. Compared to most of the other brides that come here, yours actually is a unique situation.

Back to the topic: Your BMs are being greedy and/or they truly didn't understand from the get-go what you're paying for. Lay it out, ASAP, so they know what they need to pay for.

vanityink

Honestly, I've never gotten the vehemence here with weddings/vow renewals.Yes, a bachelorette party would be odd since you aren't technically a bachelorette, but in Germany, most people have two weddings (a relgious ceremony isn't legally binding so you go to city hall and have a legal wedding and then have a bigger religious ceremony with all of your friends and family later). I suppose it's a cultural thing, but my grandmother was actually shocked that my FI and I wouldn't have two ceremonies for her to go to...

Yeah, there are some differences since you're legally married, but if someone wants to enlighten me about why it's such a big deal, I really am wondering myself...

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:a54faecd-6fe5-4ffb-9471-a124e61d5064">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Ya know the day you signed all that stuff and "got married on paper" <strong><font color="#0000ff">Yeah, that was your wedding.</font></strong>  
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

Honestly, OP, I think you are overreacting -- and are being quite insulting to people who had courthouse weddings -- now that readers fully understand what's going on. 

In America, where the government recognizes the authority of religious institutions to perform legal weddings, there is not a differentiation between the legal ceremony and a (not sure what word to use) ceremony which is a non-courthouse wedding (solemnization, perhaps?). 

No amount of huffing and puffing on your part will change the fact that <font color="#0000ff"><strong>you have had your wedding</strong></font>.  You <u>are</u> married. And, given all of that ... I think your "bridesmaids" <em>should</em> be compensated (free outfits) for the roles they're playing in your show.  That's fair.

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:303ca0c9-31a9-48ae-8557-e09c4f715989">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, let me explain the hubbub: Usually when a new poster somes on and says they are already married due to military/visa/whatever reason, but they are having their "real" wedding later, that poster actually had a JOP wedding where both the B & G went to the courthouse to get married. THAT is the real wedding...the rest is just a party, commonly referred to here as a PPD (Pretty Princess Day). It's very insulting to those that chose a courthouse wedding to say it's not a real wedding -- it's like saying their marriage isn't valid. The day you speak your vows and sign the papers is your real wedding, by definition. But I see where you're coming from. If you did your paperwork without his actual presence, you didn't have even a courthouse wedding in the normal sense. Compared to most of the other brides that come here, yours actually is a unique situation. Back to the topic: Your BMs are being greedy and/or they truly didn't understand from the get-go what you're paying for. Lay it out, ASAP, so they know what they need to pay for.
Posted by JanoBean75[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I see what you're saying. There's nothing wrong about getting married at a courthouse... nothing wrong about eloping in vegas, big lavish church weddings, small backyard ceremonies... a wedding is a wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm just a little erked that some people are saying that signing paperwork on what was essentially the most boring day of my life <em style="font-weight:bold;">is</em> my wedding. The only vow I took that day was to an Embassy worker, and I vowed not to defraud the government of the United States or Japan. If I had known that would be considered my actually wedding day, I wouldn't have worn flip flops and a hoodie. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /></div>

lyndausvi

OP - your BM's are being ridiculous.

I also don't have a problem with what you are planning.  we have a friend who went through the similar thing.  Planned their church wedding in Austria, the found out about a visa issue.  Had to get married a few months before in the states.  It was too late to change plans partly because of work obligations, partly because  people like us already had plane tickets.  

I think you have to have 2 ceremonies in Austira anyway.  

JanoBean75

Jessica, I think it's because a lot of brides come here posting about their VERY UNIQUE SITUATION that's not unique at all, and don't see anything wrong with not telling their guests that they are already married. These brides really don't think the courthouse wedding is the real wedding (it made you married, so it is a real wedding). It's fine to have a courthouse wedding and a celebration later -- either same day or a year later -- but it's not okay to lie to friends and family and have them believe they are witnessing your actual wedding. It's the lying that people have issue with.

A wedding by definition is joining two people in marriage: it is not the white dress, the tux, the big party with a cake and dancing. If someone chooses to go the JOP and has a ceremony with declaration of intent and ends up married at the end of it, THAT IS THE WEDDING. You can't get married twice without death or divorce, so call the PPD what it is: a vow renewal.

Besides, which anniversary would you celebrate? The day you got married, or the day you had your party?

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:eaed4bd8-bdb9-45b2-a2a0-bceed551ac9b">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]Jessica, I think it's because a lot of brides come here posting about their VERY UNIQUE SITUATION that's not unique at all, and don't see anything wrong with not telling their guests that they are already married. These brides really don't think the courthouse wedding is the real wedding (it made you married, so it is a real wedding). It's fine to have a courthouse wedding and a celebration later -- either same day or a year later -- but it's not okay to lie to friends and family and have them believe they are witnessing your actual wedding. It's the lying that people have issue with. A wedding by definition is joining two people in marriage: it is not the white dress, the tux, the big party with a cake and dancing. If someone chooses to go the JOP and has a ceremony with declaration of intent and ends up married at the end of it, THAT IS THE WEDDING. You can't get married twice without death or divorce, so call the PPD what it is: a vow renewal. Besides, which anniversary would you celebrate? The day you got married, or the day you had your party?
Posted by JanoBean75[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Our anniversary will be November 4. The day we have the wedding ceremony. Is this disagreement really coming down to what the <em>definition</em> of wedding is? In my brain marriage is when you get married. The wedding is when the two people get together and declare (vow, promise or what have you) with witnesses to join as husband and wife. In an analytical sense I get can understand what you're saying... but if we go by your definition - then my husband wasn't even <strong>at</strong> our wedding.

</div>

4letterwords

In which case:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wedding

We'd both technically be correct... but I moreso than you.

Blueyed228

Lots of people have courthouse weddings and that was all they had.  That doesnt make their wedding any less special because they didnt have a big pretty princess day.  You are being pretty disrespectful to those people.

You are married, you had your wedding.  If you want a big party fine, but its not your wedding.

You are not required to pay for anything for your friends unless you are reqiuring them to wear or do something specific.

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:3158eef5-faf8-48f9-a2f3-ab72d92bf09e">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Honestly, OP, I think you are overreacting -- and are being quite insulting to people who had courthouse weddings -- now that readers fully understand what's going on.  In America, where the government recognizes the authority of religious institutions to perform legal weddings, there is not a differentiation between the legal ceremony and a (not sure what word to use) ceremony which is a non-courthouse wedding (solemnization, perhaps?).  No amount of huffing and puffing on your part will change the fact that you have had your wedding .  You are married. And, given all of that ... I think your "bridesmaids" should be compensated (free outfits) for the roles they're playing in your show.  That's fair.
Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm going to try and blow past that fact that you've managed to make every sentence in the above paragraph as condescending as it could possibly be, which by the way - Mazel tov, not an easy feat... but humor me for a bit.</div><div>
</div><div>Try and read the words I'm about to write because I'm not going to keep saying this over and over.</div><div>
</div><div>I did not in any manner insult 'courthouse' weddings. We're not talking about courthouse weddings. I didn't have a courthouse wedding. I've never actually ever even been inside of a courthouse and if were put in the situation right now to go outside and find a courthouse, I wouldn't be able to do it.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm not sure if you think it's witty or cheeky to call my wedding a fake 'show' for which my loved ones guests should be compensating for being forced to attend, but actually it just makes you look like an arrogant *****. </div>

Blueyed228

I dont know why you keep calling it your "Wedding"

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:fc0160b5-3d31-4e86-a582-1653b65d9215">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]Lots of people have courthouse weddings and that was all they had.  That doesnt make their wedding any less special because they didnt have a big pretty princess day.  You are being pretty disrespectful to those people. You are married, you had your wedding.  If you want a big party fine, but its not your wedding. You are not required to pay for anything for your friends unless you are reqiuring them to wear or do something specific.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>I must have slipped into an alternate universe where I had said 'Courthouse weddings are bull''' and anyone who has them is a loser'.</div><div>
</div><div>Cause well you know... I didn't. </div><div>
</div><div>What people don't seem to understand is that I <em style="font-weight:bold;">didn't</em> have a courthouse wedding. There's nothing wrong whatsoever with courthouse weddings, but I didn't have one.</div><div>
</div><div>It's like if a bunch of people I don't know were publicly saying I was a Catholic. There's not a single thing wrong with being Catholic, but I'm not Catholic so don't state something as fact that's blatantly not true. </div><div>
</div><div>I have no qualms against courthouse weddings.</div><div>I didn't have a courthouse wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>There are the facts. Now lets move on.</div>

lyndausvi

OP - I would just drop it.    People like me get it, others just want to jump on a bandwagon.      It's better to just walk away then try to convince someone who is not listening to the situation.

Blueyed228

So where did your marriage become legal?  Did you not have to file the papers at a courthouse/townhall?

Listen, you cant sit here and say that you are only LEGALLY married so that you could scam the VISA process and expect people to be ok with that.

You are married.  End of story.  You get the damn tax credit, now move on from it.

Have your vow renewal, dont pay for hair and makeup, but know that plenty of people are going to roll their eyes at you if you keep calling it a wedding and doing all things wedding related like having a shower, a bachelorette party, etc. 

Chloeagh

I feel like everyone has decided to just stop reading your posts. Clearly they are all ignoring the fact that your husband wasn't at your "wedding." Weddings can be pretty bare-bones, but I consider the husband's presence to be kind of essential.

I see nothing wrong with what you're doing. Everyone deserves to have a wedding where both parties are present and vows are exchanged. You didn't have either of those things.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:637c5ff5-e025-43c6-b005-3cbf4cff7279">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP - I would just drop it.    People like me get it, <strong><u>others just want to jump on a bandwagon.</u></strong>      It's better to just walk away then try to convince someone who is not listening to the situation.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Pointing out the fact that she is already married is not bandwaggoning.  And just because a few people are validating her lie doesnt make it right.

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:777277b0-b9ac-425d-83df-e1c0307bddbf">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont know why you keep calling it your "Wedding"
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>WOW. You are indescribably stuck up. Impressive.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>If I want to call it my *I'm Lord of Narnia and Unicorn Land Day* I'm going to f*****g doing it. It's hard to fathom someone so vacuous that you're actually ignoring the entire discussion and nitpicking about my choice of vocabulary because you don't 'like' it.</div><div>
</div><div>So yeah. Step off the high horse and quit insulting my wedding. Yes. My wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>My wedding.</div>

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:f8d8705c-f30b-4721-ab3c-b5f530bc3a85">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : WOW. You are indescribably stuck up. Impressive. If I want to call it my *I'm Lord of Narnia and Unicorn Land Day* I'm going to f*****g doing it. It's hard to fathom someone so vacuous that you're actually ignoring the entire discussion and nitpicking about my choice of vocabulary because you don't 'like' it. So yeah. Step off the high horse and quit insulting my wedding. Yes. My wedding.  My wedding.
Posted by 4letterwords[/QUOTE]

Lol.  Ok. 

I read your story.  You can try and justify it all you want.  But you are ALREADY MARRIED.  End of story.

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:22fbf2ec-0e0e-4684-bd79-dc8553fa5fdf">Re:My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?: I'm pretty sure her husband could have gone with her if he wanted and they could have said vows if they wanted.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No it wouldn't have changed anything. It's just a piece of paper in Japan. An application that they stamp and keep on file to let the city know that you're married. They don't even say vows at their weddings, really. That's it. It's really just registering the marriage with the city. 

</div>

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:bc829c23-cea7-4638-a5af-719a04aa08ff">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]So where did your marriage become legal?  Did you not have to file the papers at a courthouse/townhall? Listen, you cant sit here and say that you are only LEGALLY married so that you could scam the VISA process and expect people to be ok with that. You are married.  End of story.  You get the damn tax credit, now move on from it. Have your vow renewal, dont pay for hair and makeup, but know that plenty of people are going to roll their eyes at you if you keep calling it a wedding and doing all things wedding related like having a shower, a bachelorette party, etc. 
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>What kind of world do you live in where you either have to be OK or NOT OK with someone elses wedding? </div><div>
</div><div>And Tax Credit. Ha. </div><div>
</div><div>I feel like I'm assuming you know more about the world than you do. </div><div>
</div><div>1. I live in Japan, not America. Get a map. Or a globe - you'll eventually find it.</div><div>2. The tax system is completely different here than in the states. The only real tax credit that comes to married people here is when they have children. And guess what? I infertile. Maybe you'd like to giggle and pick at that you insensitive snob. So yeah. No tax credit there. If anything I still have to pay property taxes on land I inherited in the States, on top of the (very) high taxes I have to pay just to live in Japan. You're argument is completely invalid here.</div><div>
</div><div>The only benefit for him and I getting married 10 months before our wedding is so that I didn't have to move 7000 miles away from my home to a place where I had no home or job. Not to mention the fact that it's VERY difficult to apply for a spousal visa when you LIVE IN 2 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.</div><div>
</div><div>You have no idea what you're talking about. Quit acting like you do.</div>

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:a08b615e-c1e2-499d-9ea9-1675b6ae8d16">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Lol.  Ok.  I read your story.  You can try and justify it all you want.  But you are ALREADY MARRIED.  End of story.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I never said I wasn't married. Saying I'm married isn't an insult and it's a little odd that you think it is, but sure. Whatever you want.</div><div>
</div><div>It's almost like you're saying you're somehow better than me because I got married before I had my wedding? I wonder what it's like to live in such a vain world. </div>

Blueyed228

My arguement is the only one there is.  You want a wedding.  We are saying you are already married.

Noone is saying you shouldnt have a beautiful vow renewal.  They are saying you dont get another wedding when you already had one.

So why dont YOU get off your high horse because you are being totally ridiculous.

Also- your insinuation that I want to make fun of you for being infertile is so fking laughable i dont even know where to begin.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:1a7aa05c-8299-4a49-86bb-14b30e401360">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : I never said I wasn't married. Saying I'm married isn't an insult and it's a little odd that you think it is, but sure. Whatever you want. It's almost like you're saying you're somehow better than me because I got married before I had my wedding? I wonder what it's like to live in such a vain world. 
Posted by 4letterwords[/QUOTE]

A wedding is for people who are not married.  You are already married so what you want is a VOW RENEWAL.

awayagain

Here's the test - if whatever you did in Japan would have to be dissolved in the court system in order for you to get married to someone else, than, yes, sorry to tell you, but you are married. 
Doesn't matter if he wasn't there, doesn't matter if you were wearing a hoodie, doesn't matter if the person doing the paperwork was picking their nose.  If it has to be dissolved legally, it was a  wedding.
Enjoy your yacht party.  Frankly, it sounds like you and your friends deserve each other.

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:f826ec0b-a58c-4291-83d5-bc072a767587">Re:My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?: I'm sorry, I must have stepped into an alternate universe where I said that your husband accompanying you to file the paperwork and you two saying wedding vows to each other would have "changed anything". But guess what, it won't "change anything" doing it now either. Unless Japan has a law against people doing these things, you could have done them and had your wedding ceremony. No, it wouldn't have "changed anything" in the eyes of the Japanese government any more than DH and I doing a handfastening and calling the quarters would have made a difference to the US government instead of a church wedding or garden ceremony or whatever. That's not why couples do them. They do them for themselves. And they do them at the time that they are married.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wasn't even trying to be rude to you on that one but ok.</div><div>
</div><div>Even if for some reason we wanted to say vows at city hall (which in Japan is more or less like the DMV, not a court house), even if we took the extra 30 minutes to explain to (literally) the cashier that we wanted to say something before you put a stamp on our application... we wouldn't have because we wanted to do it AT OUR WEDDING. We had planned our wedding out before it even happened... Booked the venue, picked out my dress.... and then my company went under and it was either we separate for 10 months before the wedding and I go back to the states, find a place to live, a place to work, and somehow manage to coordinate a wedding while being 7000 away from the groom.... or sign a piece of paper and deal with it for a while. </div><div>
</div><div>OMGOMGOMG I'm married. Yeah. I'm married. Why does this bother people? Seriously? Are people this wedding obsessed that they have to make sure everybody defines this crap on their own specific personal terms? I'm starting to regret coming here.... Lots of nice ladies but there are some serious control freaks as well. Not you, this poster, included.

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lyndausvi

Japan is different than the states when it comes to marriages.  Legally all the do is sign a paper. No vows, no ceremony, nothing like what we have in the states.  it's becoming increasingly popular to have 'western style' weddings, but just like places in Europe those are not  legal.   They still call those weddings, even though they would be civilly already married.

4letterwords

HOW CAN I RENEW VOWS I HAVEN'T TAKEN? WHY IS THIS HARD TO UNDERSTAND? 

lyndausvi

FYI - my parents lived in Nishi azabu for 4.5 years.