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Etiquette

give a gift to my realtor?

Sorry, I know not wedding related but I figured you cats are pretty savvy on etiquitte so I'll give it a try

Fi and I are closing on our house tomorrow and the realtor and I became somewhat friends through the process. She asked me tonight if there is somewhere we would like a gift card to and also mentioned that she picked me up a small gift that she picked out because it reminded her specifically of me.

This threw me through a loop; I don't know what to do.  is that weird?  Should I get her a gift as well?  I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement because I really feel she went above and beyond for us.  If I do, would it look like bribery?  Do I do it at closing?

This is all foreign to me.

Re: give a gift to my realtor?

  • I will let somebody else give you a better answer than me, but my gut says that this is strange.  You are paying her (via the closing I assume), so I'm not really sure how you could be bribing her with a gift on top of her fee, but I get where you are coming from.

    I would NOT do it at the closing.  It could make the other side hinky if they see you two exchange gifts - especially if this is one of those deals where she is sort of working for both of you and basically matching a buyer with a seller.  If I were a seller and saw a gift exchange, I would immediately question whether I got overly low-balled, KWIM?  I don't know from what you posted, but I assume she's a listing agent, in which case she technically works for the seller and not you.  If she's a buying agent then it probably wouldn't bother me so much if I saw that.


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  • OK I hit post too early.  All in all, I would probably give her a small something as a thank you but maybe have it sent to her office on Thursday or Friday.  Or just write her a nice note for the work she did.  No way would I bring a gift to the closing for the reasons I mentioned above.  I'm guessing she's technically not even your agent - she's the other side's, and her fee will come from the purchase price, which technically comes out of their pocket (since that's money they are losing).
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  • Our realtor gave us a gift card to Home Depot.  We wrote her a thank you card, and we recommend her to friends looking for a realtor.

    We saw no reason to do more than that, because we did all the work to find our house.  We called her when we found one to put in an offer on.  Honestly, it hadn't even occurred to me to do something until after she gave us the gift card.  But, I think that good recommendations are worth more to them than gifts and such.



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  • She is the buyer's agent, the seller is a real estate agent so he is representing himself.  My realtor drove around and showed us at least 50 houses (I lost track after that) over a period of 7 months - I got automatic emails with new houses listed and then I would tell her which ones we wanted to see and she would take us.  She really put in a lot of legwork and I feel like she did a great job.  But I was also thinking, maybe we should invite her to the housewarming party and give her something there instead.  I agree that doing it at closing would be fishy.
  • I can see wanting to do something.  I'd have it sent to her at the office.

    I definitely wouldn't invite her to the housewarming party, that would be really weird to me.

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  • In Response to Re:give a gift to my realtor?:
    She is the buyer's agent, the seller is a real estate agent so he is representing himself. nbsp;My realtor drove around and showed us at least 50 houses I lost track after that over a period of 7 monthuis I got automatic emails with new houses listed and then I would tell her which ones we wanted to see and she would take us. nbsp;She really put in a lot of legwork and I feel like she did a great job. nbsp;But I was also thinking, maybe we should invite her to the housewarming party and give her something there instead. nbsp;I agree that doing it at closing would be fishy. Posted by nancyarahn
    By the sounds of it she really put in work to help you find you new home. Congrats, BTW! I think an edible arrangement and a nice thank you card would be fantastic. Maybe have it delivered to her office or her home if you have her home address.
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  • edited October 2012
    It's very common (at least around here) for the buyer's agent to give a gift to the buyers when they purchase a home. Our realtor always purchases the food for a housewarming party for up to 25 people when you buy using him. The sellers of our home were doing their own closing on a new house right after our closing, and their REA had a huge gift basket for them. So it's really common. We thanked our REA but did not give him a gift in return. Essentially that's like giving someone a thank you gift for their thank you gift, which no one ever does in other social situations.

    FWIW, it's rare that the buyers pay the buyer's agent. I've never heard of that happening actually. We didn't pay our agent a single cent.


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  • I think it'd be very sweet to do something for her, though it's definitely not required.  I would send it to her office rather than give it to her in person or deliver it to her home.
  • Our realtor was good friends with my aunt, so I asked my aunt what she thought the realtor might like. She showed us easily 30 houses, if not more, in a 2 month span, and dealt with us wanting to drive all over the county, looking at 7 or 8 houses in one day at times. We ultimately bought her a bottle of her favorite wine and wrote a heartfelt thank you note, and gave it to our realtor during our final walk through since it was just the three of us. We also recommend her to people we know looking for realtors. She did mention that it "should be her giving us a gift" to welcome us to our new home, so I don't find her giving you a gift odd in the least.
  • When DH and I closed on our house last month, we gave our agent a small basket of goodies from our hometown, some local favorites of ours that we miss living out of state, and included a thank you note.  It was the second time we'd worked with our realtor and she was great on both occasions.  We didn't do anything the first time we bought with her - just recommendations for her to friends.  We felt doing something small for her was a way to show our appreciation since as the buying agent we technically didn't pay her anything. 

    I think something small and a note of appreciation is a nice gesture, but definitely not expected.
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  • I'd go ahead and send the edible arrangement to her office. I'd only get her a gift though since she mentioned she's getting you one. When FI and I closed on our house last year we didn't get our realtor anything. We were insanely easy to work with and the whole process barely took us a month. His commission a week before his wife's due date was his gift from us, haha. 
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  • I did not give my realtor a gift.  She was receiving a commission off of the purchase of my house.  She did take me to lunch after my closing and sent me a BBB gift card in the mail.  I did invite her to my house warming party, which she came for a short time to see the different changes I made to the house.

    I will be using her again if I ever sell or buy again.  And I also recommend her to anyone needing a realtor. 
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  • I was also unaware of any gift-giving until on the day of our closing our realtor gave us a congratulations card with $100 stuck in and a note to go out and celebrate on him.  I thought it was really sweet of him, wrote a thank you note, and will definitely recommend him to anyone in the area looking, because he was great to work with.  But a thank you gift for a thank you gift just seems a little silly. 

    If she hadn't mentioned anything would you have wanted to send her an edible arrangement?  if so - go for it.  if not - just graciously accept the gift she gives you and write a thank you.
  • we have only bought one place but we did not give a gift.  she did give us a basket of goodies...like local coupons, a coffee mug, box of popcorn, starbucks GC, etc.

    every year on our "anniversary" we get a card from the relator office (not necessarily her) and a $5 starbucks GC.  I guess I just thought it was common and good marketing...I never thought of giving her more than a nice thank you.  and of course keeping her in mind for future purchases. 
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    edited October 2012
    Our relator was our good friend. She was also in our wedding. She showed us probably 100 houses over the period of almost a year before we found our house. After our closing she gave us a Home Depot and a Crate and Barrel gift card. She received a commission from the house that we bought. I know that is common practice around here for your real estate agent to give a to the buyer. I've even heard of agents hiring a local artist to paint a picture of their new house. 

    We thanked our friend profusely for all of her hard work and putting up with us during the search but honestly know that we all had fun hanging out together in the house hunt process. We didn't do anything additional but we will recommend her to anyone we know who is looking for a real estate agent. 

    Only give her a gift if you wanted to give her a gift first before she mentioned anything. I don't think you need to thank her gift with another gift. 
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  • Our buyer's agent bought us a birdhouse. We didn't get her anything.
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