Wedding Etiquette Forum

When is it too late for a shower?

My mom and her friends are wondering about a shower date for me in my hometown. One option is to do it this coming May long weekend. FI and I will be traveling up there (5 hours away) to meet with our pastor, florist, and pianist, and we could have the shower then too. 

The other option is June 17th, the weekend before my wedding. If we did it then, my sister (MOH) and another close family friend from out-of-country could attend, but I'm concerned that it's too close to the wedding.

My MOH/sister lives in the U.S., and won't be here until the week before my wedding. My other attendants are my 11 yr old sister and my two brothers. None of them will be at my bachelorette party. I thought it would be nice if I could have both of my sisters at my shower, but I don't want to look gift-grabby or for people to feel obligated to buy two gifts so close together.

I know there are cases of people having showers right before their weddings because that's when people are in town, but what is the proper etiquette here? TIA.

Re: When is it too late for a shower?

  • I don't know if there is any proper etiquette here, but personally I wouldn't do it the week before your wedding.  First of all, there's a lot of stress, plus, it really makes it difficult for OOT guests to have to travel two weekends in a row.
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  • So ifyour WP isn't attending these showers, who is throwing them? I think they should have a say in when they are. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-it-too-late-for-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d9b874-a026-4e97-a010-5b5a4176184aPost:bb541619-f5fe-451b-a8aa-47d3d2a3d560">Re: When is it too late for a shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So ifyour WP isn't attending these showers, who is throwing them? I think they should have a say in when they are. 
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think the MOB is planning on throwing it, at least that's what I get from the OP. </div><div>
    </div><div>I have thrown showers the week before the wedding before. They worked out, but were smaller than others I have attended that were hosted a month or so before. Sometimes is much more convienient for families that are spread out across the country. However, I agree with PP that it could be harder to have OOT guest come the weekend before because it would cause them to travel two weeks in a row. </div>
  • I think either could work. I might opt for the earlier date, just for logistics purposes. It was nice to get the TY notes out of the way and you wouldn't probably have time to do that if you did the shower the weekend before the wedding. So, then you have to come back to it after the HM, when you also have wedding gifts to send notes for as well. I'm two weeks post-wedding, and I'm still not even close to having things organized from the wedding (we also took a 7 day HM). I'm glad I don't also have the shower to clean up after.
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  • Thanks for the thoughts. To clarify, I wasn't planning on inviting OOT guests to either shower, except for the ones who would already be in town for the wedding in June. And as stated in my OP, my mom and her friends will be hosting. :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-it-too-late-for-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d9b874-a026-4e97-a010-5b5a4176184aPost:bb541619-f5fe-451b-a8aa-47d3d2a3d560">Re: When is it too late for a shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So ifyour WP isn't attending these showers, who is throwing them? I think they should have a say in when they are. 
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    Anyone can throw a shower not just the WP.

    I think a week before may be a bit much.  I would have the shower in May and then in June, when your sister and everyone else is in town, have a nice lunch or brunch so you can spend time and catch up with them.

  • If your mom and her friends are hosting, then I would let them pick the date.  Though I will say that May is really soon and it may be  a little late to start planning now.  And I assume the long weekend you're referring to is Memorial Day weekend, which people may already have plans for.  But again, consult with your host(s). 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-it-too-late-for-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d9b874-a026-4e97-a010-5b5a4176184aPost:4dad3195-f3ca-49cd-9f24-4b775a202c1b">Re: When is it too late for a shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: When is it too late for a shower? :<strong> Anyone can throw a shower not just the WP.</strong> I think a week before may be a bit much.  I would have the shower in May and then in June, when your sister and everyone else is in town, have a nice lunch or brunch so you can spend time and catch up with them.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    <div>I know this. I jsut misread the first line and was asking for clarification. OP was lamenting her WP not being available certain dates, so I was just emphasizing that whoever hosts really gets to pick the date. I don't care who it is (as long as it isn't the OP). </div>
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  • Etiquette-wise i'm pretty sure the only time it's too late is if you're already married (so no showers after you JOP, even if your friends and family insist that it's okay they just want to celebrate with you yadda yadda yadda).

    The week before could be stressful for you or a few other guests, but if you're willing to take it on and it works for your VIPs have at it.  People can always decline if they feel it's too much.
  • bongebonge member
    First Comment
    I think it depends on your vips. One of my showers is the week before but it is almost all local peole & from me mentioning the date (i know nothing else lol) they all think it is normal. 
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  • I know how hard it is when you are coming from out of town for you wedding. I'm in the same boat. I am actually having 3 showers (not  by choice), but my shower being held in the wedding location is happening 2 weeks before the wedding. It was just best for the 2 BM planning it (they have a lot of other weddings they are attending this summer) and I will only be down in NC for a month before the wedding so it kinda limited when the shower could be. I think you are ok with it being a week before esp. if you aren't inviting OOT guests to the shower. If it's mostly VIPs and in town friends/family they would be happy attending no matter when it was I'm sure!
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  • The etiquette is that showers (wedding, bridal, baby) are held within a 6-week window prior to the event.

    I would suggest you have it the week before the wedding, as part of the pre-wedding events, so you can include your MOH.
  • kipnuskipnus member
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    Thanks for the advice!
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