• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO

Etiquette

Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents

In general I understand that anyone over 18 should receive their own invitation.  We are definitely planning to send a separate invitation to anyone who is engaged including their fiance/e.   However, we will be inviting many families who have college age children who do not yet have their own address.  In some cases we want to invite all of the children, in other cases we want to invite only the parents and one of the children.  If we send a separate invitation to everyone over 18, in some cases we will be sending 3 or more invitations to the same household.  This really seems like overkill and has a big impact on my invitation and postage budget.  We do not plan to include a guest for each single person invited.  Any recommendations? 

Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents

  • In Response to Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents:
    In general I understand that anyone over 18 should receive their own invitation.  We are definitely planning to send a separate invitation to anyone who is engaged including their fiance/e.   However, we will be inviting many families who have college age children who do not yet have their own address.  In some cases we want to invite all of the children, in other cases we want to invite only the parents and one of the children.  If we send a separate invitation to everyone over 18, in some cases we will be sending 3 or more invitations to the same household.  This really seems like overkill and has a big impact on my invitation and postage budget.  We do not plan to include a guest for each single person invited.  Any recommendations? 
    Posted by Jillian813
    You should really send each guest over 18 their own invitation.

    To the bolded: many people would advise against inviting some children and not others within the same family.  Is there a reason you are splitting up families?
    image
    Daisypath Anniversary tickersFollow Me on Pinterest
  • Unfortunately you have to bite the the bullet and send multiples to one address. To treat an 18 year old like a child is rude to that 18 year old, regardless of where they happen to live. The parents do not determine their attendance any longer, and so they should not have their invite outsourced to said parents. If this stretches your budget beyond it's means, then you've misbudgeted and should change your stationary, or make another adjustment elsewhere to accomodate a wedding you can afford.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • You still need to send every over 18 person his or her own invitation. It may seem like overkill, but it's the right thing to do. It may cut into your budget a tiny bit, but surely not by much, and if those people didn't live at home, you would have to pay for them anyway, so just look at it as if they don't. 

    I, too, am curious about exactly how you are splitting up the families. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • edited January 2013
    Being the etiquette board, I will agree with PP that it's against etiquette to not send a separate invite for those over the age of 18.  Etiquette will also tell you that anyone with a SO should be invited with said SO.  It would be weird, I think to invite the parents and the adult children with SOs on 1 invitation (hence the separate invites).  Like anything, know your audience!

    I personally am in the same situation as you where I'm inviting a family of 5 and 3 of them are adult children.  I'd literally be sending 4 invitations to the same address.  In this situation, none of these adult children are getting a plus 1.  They are long-time family friends and are invited as a family unit.  I know that etiquette says this is not ok, but it's what we decided to do.  Only YOU will know if any of your guests would be offended by this practice.  If no one will be offended by what I'm doing, I don't see any reason for you to do the same.

    ETA: The invite will also be going to the home address and 1 of the adult kids is in college (living at college).  I'm NOT about to send a wedding invitation to a college dorm.
  • Even if it seems like overkill, every child over 18 in the household needs his or her own invitation.
  • I sent 5 invites to one house   MIL, GMIL, BIL (in his 30's) and  2 SILs (in their 20's).

    Sometimes you just have to do what you got to do.  


    It wasn't budget buster for me, I had invites leftover anyway.  Only postage was extra.  If a $10 worth of postage poses a big impact on your budget you might have other issues.
    image
  • ChloeaghChloeagh
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited January 2013
    In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents:
    Being the etiquette board, I will agree with PP that it's against etiquette to not send a separate invite for those over the age of 18.  Etiquette will also tell you that anyone with a SO should be invited with said SO.  It would be weird, I think to invite the parents and the adult children with SOs on 1 invitation (hence the separate invites).  Like anything, know your audience! I personally am in the same situation as you where I'm inviting a family of 5 and 3 of them are adult children.  I'd literally be sending 4 invitations to the same address.  In this situation, none of these adult children are getting a plus 1.  They are long-time family friends and are invited as a family unit.  I know that etiquette says this is not ok, but it's what we decided to do.  Only YOU will know if any of your guests would be offended by this practice.  If no one will be offended by what I'm doing, I don't see any reason for you to do the same. ETA: The invite will also be going to the home address and 1 of the adult kids is in college (living at college).  I'm NOT about to send a wedding invitation to a college dorm.
    Posted by Jager1219
    Why not? I would be over the moon happy if I got a wedding invitation (or really any mail that wasn't school-related or something I ordered) at school. Basically everyone I know at school would feel the same way. Plus, many students would miss the RSVP date if it was sent to their parents and not to them.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents:
    In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents : Why not? I would be over the moon happy if I got a wedding invitation (or really any mail that wasn't school-related or something I ordered) at school. Basically everyone I know at school would feel the same way.
    Posted by Chloeagh
    Because I know that this particular person is highly irresponsible.  I would never get a response and it would just be destroyed.  And I would end up following-up with the parents anyways to get the RSVP.  It's much better to send it to the parents in this situation.
  • In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents:
    In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents : Why not? I would be over the moon happy if I got a wedding invitation (or really any mail that wasn't school-related or something I ordered) at school. Basically everyone I know at school would feel the same way. Plus, many students would miss the RSVP date if it was sent to their parents and not to them.
    Posted by Chloeagh
    Ask the guest if they get mail at their dorm. I loved it when i got mail! BUT, some schools have notioriously terrible mailrooms, so check with the guest.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents:
    In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents :  Plus, many students would miss the RSVP date if it was sent to their parents and not to them.
    Posted by Chloeagh
    For our college guests, we sent the invitation to their parents' homes and then contacted the kids to tell them they were there and when I needed them to RSVP by. The ones who didn't go home before RSVPs were due just texted me to let me know if they were coming. It probably would have been safe and just fine to send them to the dorms, though. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • brielleinlovebrielleinlove
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    member
    edited January 2013
    Please, please don't invite incomplete sibling sets.  My cousin did this for her wedding over three years ago and there are still hurt feelings about it.  Either invite all the siblings or none of them.
  • In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents:
    In Response to Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents : You should really send each guest over 18 their own invitation. To the bolded: many people would advise against inviting some children and not others within the same family.  Is there a reason you are splitting up families?
    Posted by daveANDkristen
    Ditto all of this.

    Not inviting some of the siblings from the same family is really rude unless one of them is incarcerated or something...

    Also, so many people refer to young adults in college as "kids", forgetting that they're actually adults. Remember, you also should invite their significant other if they are in a relationship. When I was in college, I hated when my serious boyfriend wasn't invited to things along with me and vice versa. 
  • I don't think it's a big deal to not invite all the children in one family when we are talking about adult children with who you have a relationship.  I could see inviting family friends/neighbors and the 1 adult child that you grew up with and spend time with, but not the siblings that you don't know.  I've also read examples of brides inviting their MOH's parents that they are close to, and in that situation I would guess they don't necessarily invite the MOH's siblings, which seems ok as well.  

    I would not invite only some cousins from a particular family, though, I think that would be difficult to explain since I had the same familial relationship with all of them.  

  • In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents:
    In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents : Ditto all of this. Not inviting some of the siblings from the same family is really rude unless one of them is incarcerated or something... Also, so many people refer to young adults in college as "kids", forgetting that they're actually adults. Remember, you also should invite their significant other if they are in a relationship. When I was in college, I hated when my serious boyfriend wasn't invited to things along with me and vice versa. 
    Posted by itzMS
    Exactly. I was invited to two weddings last spring, and FI (BF at the time) wasn't invited to either. And the invitations were sent to my parents' house, and they RSVPed without consulting me on anything except the date, leaving me with a meal choice I hated. So I sat there thinking, "I'm 21, for God's sake, why am I eating nasty pork without my boyfriend of 3 years?" (He couldn't have gone anyway, but that wasn't really the point)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents:
    I don't think it's a big deal to not invite all the children in one family when we are talking about adult children with who you have a relationship.  I could see inviting family friends/neighbors and the 1 adult child that you grew up with and spend time with, but not the siblings that you don't know.  I've also read examples of brides inviting their MOH's parents that they are close to, and in that situation I would guess they don't necessarily invite the MOH's siblings, which seems ok as well.   I would not invite only some cousins from a particular family, though, I think that would be difficult to explain since I had the same familial relationship with all of them.  
    Posted by jessicabessica
    Oh I was thinking that all of these children were cousins.  Yeah, in the case of childhood friends whose parents you knew really well, or college roommates whose parents you know, I think it is okay to only invite the child you know well.  But in the situation in my family, certain cousins were invited while certain others weren't.  The hurt feelings persist today.
  • We also sent multiple invitations to one address - one of my aunts and 3 of her 5 adults children + spouses because when we asked for current addresses she said "oh just send them here" (eye-roll)  two of them I got in touch with personally but the other 3 I didn't have a way to get in touch.

    as for the inviting one adult child and their parents and not other siblings - I could go either way on this one.  If the parents are on the list b/c they're close to your parents and the one child is on the list b/c they are your good friend and you don't really have a relationship with the other children I think this is okay.  If you grew up alongside all three siblings and just happen to be closest to the one I might be inclined to invite all of them to avoid hurt feelings. I ended up not inviting my MOHs parents, but if I had I wouldn't have invited her three sisters b/c I never really had any kind of relationship with them.
  • In Response to Re: Invitations for Adult Children at Same Address as Parents:
    I don't think it's a big deal to not invite all the children in one family when we are talking about adult children with who you have a relationship.  I could see inviting family friends/neighbors and the 1 adult child that you grew up with and spend time with, but not the siblings that you don't know.  I've also read examples of brides inviting their MOH's parents that they are close to, and in that situation I would guess they don't necessarily invite the MOH's siblings, which seems ok as well.   I would not invite only some cousins from a particular family, though, I think that would be difficult to explain since I had the same familial relationship with all of them.  
    Posted by jessicabessica
    Good point!  That is exactly what I'm doing in many cases - I didn't even think about it and it applies to myself!
  • You know your crowd best. My crowd is mostly eco-friendly and would be mortified to receive multiple invites to the same address. Those who are not we are sending separate. I think ultimately etiquette is there to make your guests feel comfortable, so try to do what would make them feel best. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker whatshouldwecallweddings.tumblr.com
  • I'm wondering this same thing!  My situation is a little different though...

    I am inviting my younger cousins, ages 16, 18, and 20 at the time of the wedding, and I was wondering what I should do...  All three kids still live at home, none of them have SO's and so I would not be inviting any guests (we are on a tight budget anyways), so I was considering just sending one invitation for all three kids and their parents.  It seems really strange to send separate invites to the older siblings but include the youngest on the parents' invite.  Or should I just send the youngest a separate invite too? I really just don't think they will care because our family is very laid-back, so I'm tempted to group the invites into one, but I know it's a faux pas..
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards