Bridesmaid Help!

2bhealthy

My wedding is 6 weeks away and I have 2 bridesmaids.  We are all good friends so I figured instead of picking out dresses for them I would let them chose.  I gave them guidelines as to what I wanted but was never forceful about what they needed to do.  Now, with 6 weeks to the wedding they haven't done anything so I've decided to take control. 
They're making me feel awful and not being accommodating at all.  I've now searched out dresses but they still won't come together to look with me.  I have to go with them one at a time which is now stressing me out!  Is this right of them to do and is it my fault that I'm now in this situation?  To top it off, one of the girls does not want to wear colour (I requested anything but black) and she's making me feel badly that she actually has to purchase the dress herself.  I need advice.

JanoBean75

Why can't you go separately?

baystateapple

All of my girls live in different states from me.  Only one of them went shopping with me.  The others I trusted to go on their own, and they did just fine.  If it is stressing you out that much, then just leave them to do it on their own.  If they don't do it, then they're effectively removing themselves from your wedding party, and you don't look like the bad guy.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b76fc6ca-fe97-495c-bf61-5a56b0892f6aPost:4c71868e-ff10-40ab-b165-11a6ced00278">Bridesmaid Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is 6 weeks away and I have 2 bridesmaids.  We are all good friends so I figured instead of picking out dresses for them I would let them chose.  I gave them guidelines as to what I wanted but was never forceful about what they needed to do.  Now, with 6 weeks to the wedding they haven't done anything so I've decided to take control.  They're making me feel awful and not being accommodating at all.  I've now searched out dresses but they still won't come together to look with me.  I have to go with them one at a time which is now stressing me out!  Is this right of them to do and is it my fault that I'm now in this situation?  To top it off, one of the girls does not want to wear colour (I requested anything but black) and she's making me feel badly that she actually has to purchase the dress herself.  I need advice.
Posted by 2bhealthy[/QUOTE]
If they're just buying something off the rack, then they still have time to find something.

kikibaby

6 weeks is plenty of time if they can buy it from a department store.  My sister is my MOH and hasn't gotten her dress yet, with less than 6 weeks.  I am not stressing about it at. all.

ZRex

Awww.  Don't be so stressed out.  Were you letting them choose dresses of a certain color or just any dress at all?

If they were just supposed to pick out any dress at all, I wouldn't worry too much.  They will have to get it together before showing up at the wedding.  If you want them to match, then just pick a dress at jcrew or something and let them go separately.

FWIW, I'm letting my BMs wear black dresses and they are all super psyched to get new LBDs.  I was kind of iffy about black, but I got over it.

aMrsin09

I agree with the 6 weeks being plenty of time for an off the rack dress, but wearing any color but black and paying for the dress herself is all pretty reasonable.

If she didn't want to wear color or pay for it her own dress she should have mentioned it sooner.  Is there a bigger problem going on with her?

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b76fc6ca-fe97-495c-bf61-5a56b0892f6aPost:4c71868e-ff10-40ab-b165-11a6ced00278">Bridesmaid Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is 6 weeks away and I have 2 bridesmaids.  We are all good friends so I figured instead of picking out dresses for them I would let them chose.  I gave them guidelines as to what I wanted but was never forceful about what they needed to do.  Now, with 6 weeks to the wedding they haven't done anything so I've decided to take control.  They're making me feel awful and not being accommodating at all.  I've now searched out dresses but they still won't come together to look with me.  I have to go with them one at a time which is now stressing me out!  Is this right of them to do and is it my fault that I'm now in this situation?  To top it off, one of the girls does not want to wear colour (I requested anything but black) and she's making me feel badly that she actually has to purchase the dress herself.  I need advice.
Posted by 2bhealthy[/QUOTE]

Well when you told them they could wear whatever they chose, you gave up control.  Six weeks is still more than enough time for them to buy a nice dress from a department or mall store, and that's probably what they were planning to do.  I think you need to just relax and let them handle this.  There are only 2 of them.  You already told them what to get, now it's up to them to get the dresses.  If they don't have a dress the day of the wedding, well then I guess they aren't bridesmaids.

Just calm down and realize, you already gave up control on this issue, freaking out now will only stress you out and annoy them.  Work on another aspect of your wedding that you can control.  Trust your friends to do the right thing and buy a dress in the next 5-6 weeks.

katiewhompus

It will be ok. I didn't see any of my bm's dresses until the day of the wedding. I gave them a color and asked for floor length and trusted their choices after that.

tlv204

Am I the only one who thinks the bridesmaid is being unreasonable? She gets to pick whatever dress she wants in whatever color she wants f(except black) or whatever price she wants, and is still complaining/dragging her feet?

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b76fc6ca-fe97-495c-bf61-5a56b0892f6aPost:d3d134c6-d5bc-4710-82d5-707a965f981d">Re: Bridesmaid Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I the only one who thinks the bridesmaid is being unreasonable? She gets to pick whatever dress she wants in whatever color she wants f(except black) or whatever price she wants, and is still complaining/dragging her feet?
Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]

I think her excuses are shiitty, but the OP needs to chill a bit because they still have time to get it taken care of.  They're not going to show up nekkid.

katiewhompus

They might Sucrets, you never know

Plus, I get that it sucks to have to go with each one, especially if you have a busy schedule. That being said, if it's important to you that you see the dress prior to them purchasing it, then that's the deal you get.

2bhealthy

Thank you all so much for the advice!  I feel way better and after shopping with one of them last night I realize that I have to give up control on this one and trust that they'll get their act together!  However, she was not excited to be shopping with me (even though I already had dresses picked out) and made me feel terrible.  Not a good maid. 
However, you're all right; if they don't get it together and they continue to make me feel bad then they're not bridesmaids.  I'm the first of our friends getting married so this is all new to me and I'm a freak when it comes to organization:).

2bhealthy

Thank you!