Who walks me down the isle?

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-walks-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bec19b0e-f195-44e1-8517-01405a24d187Post:decfb808-cdc0-4e1b-9ea2-6b90f0fde13e">Re: Who walks me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who walks me down the isle? : Its actually the second person who understood my situation. 
Posted by Briannasteve[/QUOTE]

What I meant was it was her first post. Not the first defending you.

Briannasteve

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-walks-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bec19b0e-f195-44e1-8517-01405a24d187Post:bc9c8bff-30dd-4de0-8ea1-1b815b95055e">Re: Who walks me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who walks me down the isle? : What I meant was it was her first post. Not the first defending you.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>No i am not a lawyer, yes i have a good amount of education in the subject area, no I am not assuming and a threat of safety being the reason grounds for a protective order is obviously a grey area because I have seen enough protective orders with out actual physical contact in custody issues, or mental disorders (personality disorders) from emotional abuse and so on. There is not need to subject this forum to a debate. </div>

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-walks-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bec19b0e-f195-44e1-8517-01405a24d187Post:636cf3ca-86a2-4b8e-b780-13e3e981f25e">Re: Who walks me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who walks me down the isle? : No i am not a lawyer, yes i have a good amount of education in the subject area, no I am not assuming and a threat of safety being the reason grounds for a protective order is obviously a grey area because I have seen enough protective orders with out actual physical contact in custody issues, or mental disorders (personality disorders) from emotional abuse and so on. There is not need to subject this forum to a debate. 
Posted by Briannasteve[/QUOTE]

I'm not trying to debate, but an act (even throwing a beer bottle at the wall) is usually necessary. What state do see this no act in? So I can research it for myself? I'm genuinely curious.

Briannasteve

Perhaps it is still worded as an "act" required but the act could be something like being in your face, or something along that lines(that part i am guessing). I do not know the wordage in the state of New Jersey, I just know that there have been instances where there has never been proven physical contact regarding a protective order. While many cases are justified, I will say I have a family member that was given a protective order (custody battle) and there was really no grounds for it, and he would never hurt a fly. 

carrieloomis

The OP is from New Jersey, so to put this to rest so whoever is wondering can sleep, the New Jersey State Police website says: 

"What is Domestic Violence? 

A general definition:
Domestic Violence is a pattern of physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse, which includes, but is not limited to, threats, intimidation, isolation, and/or financial control. Domestic Violence is an intentional pattern of behavior that is used by one person as a means to harm and take power and control over another person in the context of a dating, family, roommate or caretaker relationship
                                                                   and/or
Domestic Violence, which is also called spouse abuse, intimate partner abuse, battering, and partner violence, is when an individual is in some way hurt by a person that he or she knows. These “hurts” are not limited to physical harm; a person can also be sexually abused or psychologically abused. Often a victim is hurt in more than one of these ways. Domestic Violence can continue over a long period of time and becomes more frequent and more severe over time."

What legal remedies can I seek if I have been a victim of domestic violence?

You have the right to file a civil complaint under the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act, along with a criminal complaint. Both complaints should be filed for your protection since the civil complaint is designed to protect you and the criminal complaint is designed to punish the abuser.

What is a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO)?

This is an order that is issued by a judge who is satisfied that demanding circumstances exist enough to excuse the failure of the victim to appear personally and that sufficient grounds for granting the temporary restraining order have been shown. To protect the victim from the defendant, the judge may grant within the temporary restraining order that..."

And it goes on to list those restraints. So, in her state, domestic abuse-- which INCLUDES verbal abuse, is grounds for a temporary restraining order. Problem solved.

It's stupid that I had to look this up. Grow up. 

OP, don't invite her. It's obviously not a stupid "i just don't like her" situation. 

 

ETA: http://www.njsp.org/divorg/operations/vsu.html there's the web page I got the info from in case you don't believe me. 

mkrupar

Why is everyone in here toting the party line? FFS the SM verbally and emotionally abused the OP. Just as damaging as physical abuse. I don't care what etiquette says, I wouldn't invite her either. Seems the father knows this and understands this. And this isn't coming from a newb to the E board. Lay off already.

redheadfsu

carrieloomis,
Of course DV is verbal abuse too. But that does not mean that verbal abuse ALONE is enough for a restraining order. No where you posted states what the standard for the restraining order is, just general what is DV. But to get a restraining Order certain things must exist. I do DV law, don't tell me to grow up. I don't have my westlaw password at home, so I can't look it up now.

mtbentley

Proper etiquette or not, there should not be anyone at your wedding who makes you feel unsafe or threatened in any way. I give you alot of credit for standing up for yourself in such a difficult situation.

That being said, I'm not really comfortable with how you seem to be deciding who walks you down the aisle based on how much money they have given you. It should be who you feel closest to and who you are most comfortable with.

Briannasteve

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-walks-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bec19b0e-f195-44e1-8517-01405a24d187Post:5df697f9-bff4-4424-a2e1-dd6bd8cbc713">Re: Who walks me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]Proper etiquette or not, there should not be anyone at your wedding who makes you feel unsafe or threatened in any way. I give you alot of credit for standing up for yourself in such a difficult situation. That being said, I'm not really comfortable with how you seem to be deciding who walks you down the aisle based on how much money they have given you. It should be who you feel closest to and who you are most comfortable with.
Posted by mtbentley[/QUOTE]

<div>I probably should have reworded it, in stating that I am extremely greatful for having my stepfather in my life because my life would be very different. I do not mean to say I am basing anything on financial reasons, simply that I am very greatful for him giving me the life I had. </div>

Kimmyznc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-walks-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bec19b0e-f195-44e1-8517-01405a24d187Post:dfee510f-a71c-448c-a0bf-83ccda85de75">Re: Who walks me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]You have every right to not invite your father's wife. Do not let anyone posting 'ettique' tell you otherwise. I find it saddening that people cannot be more sympathetic to a situation which has clearly already caused you a lot of pain. I have a friend who sadly has a similar relationship with her father and her father's wife. She is not engaged but when she gets married I know she will go through a similar issue with who will walk her down the isle. Obvisouly, the choice is up to you. If you think it will upset your father just be aware of how that might affect you. If he is angry and hurt for not walking you down the isle it might affect your wedding day anways. I hope you find a peaceful decision. 
Posted by kyleandanna[/QUOTE]

Agree. Good luck :)

Briannasteve

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-walks-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bec19b0e-f195-44e1-8517-01405a24d187Post:a5703e08-d56b-496f-b8eb-8a1dfbfc265c">Re: Who walks me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who walks me down the isle? : Agree. Good luck :)
Posted by Kimmyznc[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks, I saw your previous thread about your vegas party, I feel for you and hope everything works out for you! </div>

mtbentley

If your stepfather has always been there for you and supported you when your father hasn't I don't think there is anything wrong with him walking you down the aisle. If you can't imagine your wedding without your father walking you down the aisle maybe it should be him. You should do what you are most comfortable with and will make you happy. Luckily you have quite a bit of time to think about it. Good luck!

Kimmyznc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-walks-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bec19b0e-f195-44e1-8517-01405a24d187Post:89050592-8836-4e10-ab74-97de1f93c9ae">Re: Who walks me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who walks me down the isle? : Thanks, I saw your previous thread about your vegas party, I feel for you and hope everything works out for you! 
Posted by Briannasteve[/QUOTE]
 
LOL. Thank you.

Briannasteve

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-walks-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bec19b0e-f195-44e1-8517-01405a24d187Post:b6579e93-ae4e-4632-87f3-67f48a94d3ec">Re: Who walks me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who walks me down the isle? :   LOL. Thank you.
Posted by Kimmyznc[/QUOTE]

<div>NO PROBLEM!!!! </div>

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-walks-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bec19b0e-f195-44e1-8517-01405a24d187Post:8028ab40-1d52-41ff-9b9d-213c4adca714">Re: Who walks me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know what "an act" is, even though I didn't go to law school. :-P I was just providing an example from Michigan since you were interested in other states and how they handle PPOs. I wasn't trying to be argumentative or anything. It was just an example for the sake of an example. I'd look for the statute/law if I weren't so sleepy right now.
Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]

Yes, but stalking is an act, thus you would have been on my side. See why I'm confused?

sweetcanadian1979

"You are dumb" is not verbal abuse. I live in canada & we can get a restraining order without physical violence or stalking. It is very easy to prove someone is seriously afraid the person will harm them. I think your definition of verbal abuse & the op's definition are not the same.

OP, you have lots of time until your wedding. Relax, do not stress over it now. FWIW i would have the step father walk me down the aisle, why would you care now what your dad thinks? If he gets offended maybe he should have been there for you.

redheadfsu

No one seems to understand anything I say in this thread, so I'm stopping (many of them were exaggerations)

OP, if you are really in fear of her then of course don't invite her. But you never made it clear you were in fear of her only that she had been convicted of theft and had issues with her husband. If you are in fear, sorry for being a meanie to you.

hoffse

Redhead, I get it.  I'm taking family law right now, and we've been studying the "act" requirement, differences between DV and non-DV acts, etc.

I'm not chiming in on that part because I'm not a lawyer (yet), and after the bar exam I'm going into primarily tax practice, not family law or DV practice.

OP, just have your stepdad walk you down the aisle.  It seems to be what you really want.