Invite groom's friend who broke bride's sister's heart?

cricket2021

Very long story short, my fiance played match-maker with his friend and my sister. After a few years of torture it finally ended (she broke it off with him but was heartbroken). Am I being totally out of line by not wanting him at the wedding? My fiance isn't pressuring me to invite him, though he says it is one of his good friends. My family and I can't stand the guy for how he treated my sister and I don't want our ill will toward him to ruin the day. Am I being unreasonable? 

kwitherington

In Response to Invite groom's friend who broke bride's sister's heart?:

Very long story short, my fiance played match-maker with his friend and my sister. After a few years of torture it finally ended (she broke it off with him but was heartbroken). Am I being totally out of line by not wanting him at the wedding? My fiance isn't pressuring me to invite him, though he says it is one of his good friends. My family and I can't stand the guy for how he treated my sister and I don't want our ill will toward him to ruin the day. Am I being unreasonable? 
Posted by cricket2021

If your Fi wants to invite him, I think you should.  Give your sister and your family a heads up that he'll be there so they're not caught by surprise.  People should be able to behave themselves for 3-5 hours around people they don't like.  You'll have much more important things to think about on that day than this guy being there.

daveANDkristen

When is your wedding?  If at all possible, I would put this question on the back burner until it is closer to when you mail your invitations.  If the feelings are still this raw in a few months, I would have a frank discussion with your FI about this.  If it is important to him to invite his friend, then I think you should, and everyone will have to rise above their ill feelings for the day. 

SmallenForever

I'd not invite him.

SJM7538

I don't think its that cut and dry. I don't think his and your sisters relationship should be a reflection upon your fiance's friendship. (Unless somehow you two got involved in the relationship)

I understand where you are coming from but... is it going to effect your fiance's friendship with this guy if you don't invite him? Can your fiance say he won't regret not inviting him? I know I want to to have as many of my close friends as possible there with me celebrating on my wedding day.

You say "after a few years or torture". Not really sure what this means? Was he abusive? Is there the potentional for any type of danger/threats at the wedding? If not I assume everyone can be adults and just not speak to one another.

zantster

In Response to Invite groom's friend who broke bride's sister's heart?:

Very long story short, my fiance played match-maker with his friend and my sister. After a few years of torture it finally ended (she broke it off with him but was heartbroken). Am I being totally out of line by not wanting him at the wedding? My fiance isn't pressuring me to invite him, though he says it is one of his good friends. My family and I can't stand the guy for how he treated my sister and I don't want our ill will toward him to ruin the day. Am I being unreasonable? 
Posted by cricket2021

Since it's a good friend I'd say invite him.  Hopefully enough time will have passed where your sister will have moved on and her ex will see what he lost by treating her badly.  But as adults there was always the 50/50 possibility that by your FI playing match-maker this could happen.  So, I think it's a bit too late to put the genie back in the bottle and prohibit FI from having his good friend there because of some good intentions he had for the friend and your sister that didn't work out.  If no one wanted to risk a bit of awkwardness then one or the other could have declined to go out when introduced.  Now it's time for your sister to suck it up and show how fabulously happy and confident she is without him at your wedding.

NYCMercedes

Torture? What do you mean? If FI doesn't care and you don't want him....

Erikan73

Talk to your sister, he may have broken her heart, but she may be totally fine with seeing him there. It's not like they have to talk. You can sit them on opposites sides of the room.

RetreadBride

Invite him, since he is a close friend of the fiance's.

This is probably not the first, or the last, time that they will see each other at a social function, or in public. 

SHE broke it off with him. Why punish him for it?

Simply Fated

I need more details by what you mean by torture. Did he abuse her or something?
Or is he just one of those guys who's a great friend, but a lousy boyfriend?



Assuming he didn't regularly hit her...
What went on between your sister and the groom's friend is between them. Your fiance  shouldn't be punished for their break up by not being allowed to invite his friend. And this guy shouldn't not be allowed to attend his friend's wedding just because his ex-girlfriend will be there.

I don't think you're out of line for not wanting him there. But it would be out of line to not let your fiance invite him.

ceceibson

When we sent out STDs, my sister and a friend of DH's were "involved", as has been the case off and on for the past 40+ years.  I snet him a STD because he was DH's good friend.  And my sister kept bugging me to invite him.

By the time inviations were going out, my sister and DH's friend were not only no longer involved, but my sister hated this guy with a white-hot fury.

I invited him, because I had sent him a STD.  I called my sister to let her know this man was invited and she was furious.

I don't know what my point is, other than sometimes these situations are pretty much lose/lose.

emenz47

In Response to Invite groom's friend who broke bride's sister's heart?:

Very long story short, my fiance played match-maker with his friend and my sister. After a few years of torture it finally ended (she broke it off with him but was heartbroken). Am I being totally out of line by not wanting him at the wedding? My fiance isn't pressuring me to invite him, though he says it is one of his good friends. My family and I can't stand the guy for how he treated my sister and I don't want our ill will toward him to ruin the day. Am I being unreasonable? 
Posted by cricket2021

I dealt with something like this, though not exactly. One of FI's friends made very very rude comments to me about my religion a few months before we were engaged. He is now invited as the best man. While I am not thrilled to have him there, he is one of FI's very closest and long time friends. As much as it might such for you and your sister, don't let that friendship between your FI and this guy get ruined over a wedding invitation.