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Etiquette

RSVPs

I love the "_seats have been reserved in your honor"....i was originally going to put something like "_/4 seats" and let guests fill in the blank....Problem is that I have lists A, B, and C.....im thinking about attaching a personally typed note in invite stating that after nonreceipt of RSVP 5 days after deadline....space will be regifted....im providing addressed and stamped envelopes to my coordinators address, so I see no excuse....am I wrong for the note?
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Re: RSVPs

  • In Response to RSVPs:
    I love the "_seats have been reserved in your honor"....i was originally going to put something like "_/4 seats" and let guests fill in the blank....Problem is that I have lists A, B, and C.....im thinking about attaching a personally typed note in invite stating that after nonreceipt of RSVP 5 days after deadline....space will be regifted....im providing addressed and stamped envelopes to my coordinators address, so I see no excuse....am I wrong for the note?
    Posted by aquari0216

    To the bolded, yes. 

    No note, no B or C list. Invite who you'd like to attend and can afford all from the start.
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  • In a word YES.  However the 'wrong' starts before the note.  Having a B list is rude and bad form.  Having a C list if horrifying.  I didn't even know these other lists existed before I joined TK.  Why would you want to "tier" people?  FI and I made a potential guest list before we even found a venue or other vendors and guess what?  We made it work so that ALL of them can be invited.  

    Also, if I received an invitation with that note in there, I would be tempted to return the RSVP and then not show.  It is VERY rude.
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  • The whole approach is wrong.  Every couple has people they can't invite and they deal with it, they don't run B and C lists.  People on those lists DO know they didn't make the cut and are only being invited because others couldn't attend.  That is very offensive.

    No B and C list and no rude note.  People are horrible about RSVPing so be prepared for that.  You will need to call each person who didn't RSVP about 5 days after your RSVP date to find out if the are coming so you can turn in accurate numbers to your caterer/venue.  Please - lose the whole idea of your post.
  • I don't think it's polite to say, your seat will be regifted. But I don't think there is anything wrong with starting to call/email people 5 days after the RSVP deadline to inquiry if they will be coming. It's standard to contact people who don't respond by RSVP date to confirm if they are coming.

    By calling you cover yourself for RSVP's that may have gotten lost in the mail (we had one that did) and for guests that thought they mail in the RSVP but actually didn't. This way you don't have people showing up that you didn't know would be coming.

  • Only invite who you can afford! No B or C list and a note would absolutely make that worse. If I got that note I for one would absolutely not attend.
  • OP, please think about your guests reactions. No matter how much they love you, they're going to be hurt. I know I wouldn't attend. 

  • B listing is terrible. Either someone merits an invitation or they do not. You and your FI need to decide on a guest list that you can afford and that fits your venue and then leave it at that.
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  • No the B and C list is necessary and no guest knows about it....hell they don't know about the wedding yet....and clearly if we could afford all guests at our venue we would....we also had a guest list before our venue search but the one we chose was best other than settling, for something like a musty park fieldhouse room..
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  • Apologies....i thought you would grasp that guests don't know about the lists...
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  • Bec20Bec20
    100 Comments
    member
    edited November 2012
    In Response to Re:RSVPs:
    Apologies....i thought you would grasp that guests don't know about the lists...
    Posted by aquari0216

    Oh, they will know.  When your A list has to RSVP 6 weeks in advance (when they should be receiving the invitation) so you can send it to the B list they will know that you like them the best.  When your C list doesn't get their invitations until 3 weeks before the wedding, they'll know you are adding them at the last minute.

    This is all without the statement that you will be "regifting" their seats.  You are writing it out that you are rude enough to do B list (and a C list).

    Also, you did have a choice.  You could have done cake & punch, a dry wedding, only beer & wine, picked a cheaper venue (even if it's less attractive, all your guests care about is being hosted properly), cut your guest list to only those you can afford, or postponed your wedding until you could afford to actually host people.  You just chose not to.

  • You are on the wrong board for this question.

    However, yes, it's wrong. It's wrong that you have 3 lists, too, but it's extra wrong to tell people you will  "regift" (wtf?) your invites.

    Trust me, I usually don't get mifted about etiquette issues, but people WILL BE UPSET. It' comes across as you not really wanting them to be there but wanting a full venue and a present even if it takes 3 lists to get there.
  • Your guests will figure it out, as pp said above. Additionally, your invite is not a "gift" to your guests. The honor of THEIR presence is really a gift to you. Take lists B and C, rip them up, and throw them out. Invite only the people who are must-haves. We have all had budgets and had to cut our lists, because that is what adults do.
  • Thank you ladies for your input and congrats to u all....ive pretty much dropped the thought....thanks again...well all except 4 the "stagemanager14" broad...i personally thank you for proving my point that u can never get away from 'hating ass females'..no matter what you join or take part in....i asked for advice not your ignorant remark....and I STAND by my thoughts on the other page....thank you
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  • I have so many ppl I'd love to be there but can't possibly afford them all...i find family to be most important than friends...as 'rude' as the lists may be...they are helping...i don't need seat fillers because it's of course cheaper with less ppl...i just want the ability to extend an invite to as many as possible....i hate cutting ppl out....but I'm finding that many ppl are just happy to take party in our special day...even if an afterparty at another place is the only other option...
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