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Etiquette

Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.

Hello ladies,
Here is my dilemna, I did not state on invitation adult only reception. I went with the general rule of thumb for who you address invite to is whom it is for. I have Several invitations that I addressed to Mr and Mrs. only and then they are replying back with 3 and 4 as there guest which would be children. How should I go about telling them that there children were not invited. I have over invited by 65 ppl and I cannot afford the extra count. Plus I do not want a bunch of kids there .... Just the kids in wedding party.

Your thoughts are appreciated!!!



I marry my onelove in 16 days. 4-24-2010

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Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.

  • smokeybaileysmokeybailey
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    member
    edited April 2010
    Call them back and say that only Mr. and Mrs. were invited.  Be ready for them to wonder why the kids in the wedding party are okay but theirs are not.

    Also, there are TONS of questions about this if you poke around or search.

    ETA:  You over-invited by 65 people??!!!!  Well then, you get what you deserve.  What were you thinking?
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

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    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • Please, for the love of all that is holy, scroll through a page or two and look at the questions asked.  This gets asked at least twice a day.
    image
  • Wow ladies, thanks for the politeness. Thought I would switch to a different board for a little assistance. But I guess I will stick with my local knotties.
    Enjoy your wedding.
  • Why would you over invite by 65 people?? That's a bit extreme.
  • Just contact the parents and say we're sorry for the misunderstanding, but we unfortunately do not have the budget and capacity for any children at the wedding.  We understand if you cannot make it without them and will miss your presence.  
  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    Wow ladies, thanks for the politeness. Thought I would switch to a different board for a little assistance. But I guess I will stick with my local knotties. Enjoy your wedding.
    Posted by lanelle09
    the local boards tend to be more puppies and rainbows. out here in the real world we don't sugar coat it.
  • bmd14bmd14
    10 Comments
    member
    We had the same dilemna and we just told people that the venue did not allow children and we were having an adult only reception.  I still have people asking if they can bring their child and I firmly say no.  There will always be those who get upset by that but its your wedding.
  • Bec,

    That is all kinds of awesome.

    Thank you for your time,
    smokey
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    We had the same dilemna and we just told people that the venue did not allow children and we were having an adult only reception.  I still have people asking if they can bring their child and I firmly say no.  There will always be those who get upset by that but its your wedding.
    Posted by bmd14
    She can't do this because there are SOME children invited.
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    Wow ladies, thanks for the politeness. Thought I would switch to a different board for a little assistance. But I guess I will stick with my local knotties. Enjoy your wedding.
    Posted by lanelle09
    You're welcome!  Bye!
    image
  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    Bec, That is all kinds of awesome. Thank you for your time, smokey
    Posted by smokeybailey
    You're quite welcome for the 5.3 seconds it took to type "children" in the search box and wait on results. :)
  • So much for thoughts appreciated.
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  • That is quite the amount of time though!  Obviously, others do not have that kind of bandwidth.
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • If you don't want children at your reception, then why thefuck do you have children in your wedding party?
  • bmd14bmd14
    10 Comments
    member
    Oh sorry I misread the question. 
  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    If you don't want children at your reception, then why thefuck do you have children in your wedding party?
    Posted by sarabellam
    My thoughts exactly.

    And no one WANTS to call people and tell them they can't bring their kids, but if you don't want the kids there you pretty much have to.

    Also, you're never supposed to invite more than your venue can hold.  If you over-invited by 65 people, you pretty much just shot yourself in the foot (figuratively of course).  What will you do if EVERYONE you invited RSVPs yes?
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    Stop The Drama!

    image Love people. Use things. Never confuse the two.
  • You just call and tell them "Our guest list is quite limited and I'm afraid we're unable to accomodate Susie & Sammy. I hope you understand."
  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    If you don't want children at your reception, then why thefuck do you have children in your wedding party?
    Posted by sarabellam
    What does one have to do with the other? We had three kids (ages 3, 6 and 10) in our wedding party and didn't invite anyone else to bring kids.
  • NebbNebb
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker 5 Love Its
    member
    The stupid that appears from of the outer reaches of the knot baffles me. I just want to kick dirt at these people.
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  • bmd14bmd14
    10 Comments
    member
    I know this is not a popular opinion but I do not understand those people who feel the need to bring their children everywhere and who always assume their children are invited.  I would always ask first.
  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    If you don't want children at your reception, then why thefuck do you have children in your wedding party?
    Posted by sarabellam
    I had my nieces and nephews .  I actually have a relationship with them.

     I on the other hand do not have a relationship with my co-workers kids or  any of my cousins' 65  (that's right 65) off spring. So I did not see the reason to invite them.

    There are times where they are separate issues.
    image
  • If you want an adult-only reception, go for it. I seriously don't get why some people claim to want a adult-only reception but have children in their WP. Children =/= cute wedding picture props.

  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    If you want an adult-only reception, go for it. I seriously don't get why some people claim to want a adult-only reception but have children in their WP. Children =/= cute wedding picture props.
    Posted by sarabellam
    for the record I never stated I wanted an adult only wedding, because I didn't have an adult reception.  I just did not invite children. 

    No one questioned us because it's pretty standard in our circles. If someone did I would just tell them that I had to make a cut somewhere and my co-worker's kid whom I've never met was not getting an invite when I had other people I'm closer to that needed to be invited.
    image
  • tracy_ktracy_k
    500 Comments
    member
    edited April 2010
    In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    If you want an adult-only reception, go for it. I seriously don't get why some people claim to want a adult-only reception but have children in their WP. Children =/= cute wedding picture props.
    Posted by sarabellam
    Of course they aren't props. Our niece and nephews are part of our life and part of our family and we wanted them to be part of our wedding. Particularly as my husband has no immediate family members (both his parents are dead and he's an only child).

    All my friends' kids, however adorable they are and however much I enjoy seeing them? Not part of my family, too young to understand WTF a wedding is, and unlikely to have much fun anyway since our wedding was later in the evening and the reception went until 11.

    I also didn't have the budget to include them, nor did I want my guests to have to leave an hour into the reception to get their kids home to bed, nor did I want 20 kids having meltdowns or making nuisances of themselves on the dance floor because they stayed up past bedtime and ate too much from the candy buffet.
  • Lynda, I can absolutely see inviting nieces and nephews. The OP is asking how to politely say that "No children are allowed," when clearly SOME children are allowed; e.g. those in the wedding party. But, anoyone who over-invites by 65 is clearly not the sharpest knife in the knife-roll.
  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    Lynda, I can absolutely see inviting nieces and nephews. The OP is asking how to politely say that "No children are allowed," when clearly SOME children are allowed; e.g. those in the wedding party. But, anoyone who over-invites by 65 is clearly not the sharpest knife in the knife-roll.
    Posted by sarabellam

    clearly she  had issues and I'm defending her on that point.  

    But  I give people the benefit of the doubt.    I assume if children are in the wedding party they must be close to the couple in some way (or at least I hope so) and it does not need to be explained to other people  why they are there. 

    I do not believe in the notion that kids need to be all or nothing. 
    image
  • Eh, I can kind of see children the way I see adults. We don't tell people they necessarily have to invite ALL their coworkers or ALL their classmates. Just the ones they're close to. I think you can pick and choose the children you invite the way you pick and choose the adults you invite. Just be prepared for those with children who aren't invited to disagree with you.
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  • "We're so honored that Jane and Bobby want to celebrate with us!  However, we're unable to accomodate everyone we would have liked to invite.  We would really love to have you and Jim at the wedding, although we'll understand if you're unable to find child care.  Hopefully we can get together after the wedding with you all and the kids, though!"


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  • In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:
    In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed. : clearly she  had issues and I'm defending her on that point.   But  I give people the benefit of the doubt.    I assume if children are in the wedding party they must be close to the couple in some way (or at least I hope so) and it does not need to be explained to other people  why they are there.  I do not believe in the notion that kids need to be all or nothing. 
    Posted by lyndausvi
    I agree 100%.  

    If you are a guest, you should be happy that the couple wants to share their special day with you.  The hosts are providing you with food, booze (usually), and entertainment.  You should be celebrating with the couple,  not making judgements about the guest list.  

    I'm a teacher and I love children.  I don't want any children at my wedding other than my nieces.   I get to be with children for over 180 days a year.  
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