Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.

lanelle09

Hello ladies,
Here is my dilemna, I did not state on invitation adult only reception. I went with the general rule of thumb for who you address invite to is whom it is for. I have Several invitations that I addressed to Mr and Mrs. only and then they are replying back with 3 and 4 as there guest which would be children. How should I go about telling them that there children were not invited. I have over invited by 65 ppl and I cannot afford the extra count. Plus I do not want a bunch of kids there .... Just the kids in wedding party.

Your thoughts are appreciated!!!



I marry my onelove in 16 days. 4-24-2010

smokeybailey

Call them back and say that only Mr. and Mrs. were invited.  Be ready for them to wonder why the kids in the wedding party are okay but theirs are not.

Also, there are TONS of questions about this if you poke around or search.

ETA:  You over-invited by 65 people??!!!!  Well then, you get what you deserve.  What were you thinking?

kikibaby

Please, for the love of all that is holy, scroll through a page or two and look at the questions asked.  This gets asked at least twice a day.

lanelle09

Wow ladies, thanks for the politeness. Thought I would switch to a different board for a little assistance. But I guess I will stick with my local knotties.
Enjoy your wedding.

FutureMrsDudley55

Why would you over invite by 65 people?? That's a bit extreme.

JHS16

Just contact the parents and say we're sorry for the misunderstanding, but we unfortunately do not have the budget and capacity for any children at the wedding.  We understand if you cannot make it without them and will miss your presence.  

psichick

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

Wow ladies, thanks for the politeness. Thought I would switch to a different board for a little assistance. But I guess I will stick with my local knotties. Enjoy your wedding.
Posted by lanelle09

the local boards tend to be more puppies and rainbows. out here in the real world we don't sugar coat it.

BecW2be

Here you go! 

LINK

bmd14

We had the same dilemna and we just told people that the venue did not allow children and we were having an adult only reception.  I still have people asking if they can bring their child and I firmly say no.  There will always be those who get upset by that but its your wedding.

smokeybailey

Bec,

That is all kinds of awesome.

Thank you for your time,
smokey

smokeybailey

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

We had the same dilemna and we just told people that the venue did not allow children and we were having an adult only reception.  I still have people asking if they can bring their child and I firmly say no.  There will always be those who get upset by that but its your wedding.
Posted by bmd14

She can't do this because there are SOME children invited.

kikibaby

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

Wow ladies, thanks for the politeness. Thought I would switch to a different board for a little assistance. But I guess I will stick with my local knotties. Enjoy your wedding.
Posted by lanelle09

You're welcome!  Bye!

BecW2be

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

Bec, That is all kinds of awesome. Thank you for your time, smokey
Posted by smokeybailey

You're quite welcome for the 5.3 seconds it took to type "children" in the search box and wait on results. :)

shellydiane820

So much for thoughts appreciated.

smokeybailey

That is quite the amount of time though!  Obviously, others do not have that kind of bandwidth.

sarabellam

If you don't want children at your reception, then why thefuck do you have children in your wedding party?

bmd14

Oh sorry I misread the question. 

lisarose7

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

If you don't want children at your reception, then why thefuck do you have children in your wedding party?
Posted by sarabellam

My thoughts exactly.

And no one WANTS to call people and tell them they can't bring their kids, but if you don't want the kids there you pretty much have to.

Also, you're never supposed to invite more than your venue can hold.  If you over-invited by 65 people, you pretty much just shot yourself in the foot (figuratively of course).  What will you do if EVERYONE you invited RSVPs yes?

tracy_k

You just call and tell them "Our guest list is quite limited and I'm afraid we're unable to accomodate Susie & Sammy. I hope you understand."

tracy_k

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

If you don't want children at your reception, then why thefuck do you have children in your wedding party?
Posted by sarabellam

What does one have to do with the other? We had three kids (ages 3, 6 and 10) in our wedding party and didn't invite anyone else to bring kids.

Nebb

The stupid that appears from of the outer reaches of the knot baffles me. I just want to kick dirt at these people.

bmd14

I know this is not a popular opinion but I do not understand those people who feel the need to bring their children everywhere and who always assume their children are invited.  I would always ask first.

lyndausvi

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

If you don't want children at your reception, then why thefuck do you have children in your wedding party?
Posted by sarabellam

I had my nieces and nephews .  I actually have a relationship with them.

 I on the other hand do not have a relationship with my co-workers kids or  any of my cousins' 65  (that's right 65) off spring. So I did not see the reason to invite them.

There are times where they are separate issues.

sarabellam

If you want an adult-only reception, go for it. I seriously don't get why some people claim to want a adult-only reception but have children in their WP. Children =/= cute wedding picture props.

lyndausvi

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

If you want an adult-only reception, go for it. I seriously don't get why some people claim to want a adult-only reception but have children in their WP. Children =/= cute wedding picture props.
Posted by sarabellam

for the record I never stated I wanted an adult only wedding, because I didn't have an adult reception.  I just did not invite children. 

No one questioned us because it's pretty standard in our circles. If someone did I would just tell them that I had to make a cut somewhere and my co-worker's kid whom I've never met was not getting an invite when I had other people I'm closer to that needed to be invited.

tracy_k

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

If you want an adult-only reception, go for it. I seriously don't get why some people claim to want a adult-only reception but have children in their WP. Children =/= cute wedding picture props.
Posted by sarabellam

Of course they aren't props. Our niece and nephews are part of our life and part of our family and we wanted them to be part of our wedding. Particularly as my husband has no immediate family members (both his parents are dead and he's an only child).

All my friends' kids, however adorable they are and however much I enjoy seeing them? Not part of my family, too young to understand WTF a wedding is, and unlikely to have much fun anyway since our wedding was later in the evening and the reception went until 11.

I also didn't have the budget to include them, nor did I want my guests to have to leave an hour into the reception to get their kids home to bed, nor did I want 20 kids having meltdowns or making nuisances of themselves on the dance floor because they stayed up past bedtime and ate too much from the candy buffet.

sarabellam

Lynda, I can absolutely see inviting nieces and nephews. The OP is asking how to politely say that "No children are allowed," when clearly SOME children are allowed; e.g. those in the wedding party. But, anoyone who over-invites by 65 is clearly not the sharpest knife in the knife-roll.

lyndausvi

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

Lynda, I can absolutely see inviting nieces and nephews. The OP is asking how to politely say that "No children are allowed," when clearly SOME children are allowed; e.g. those in the wedding party. But, anoyone who over-invites by 65 is clearly not the sharpest knife in the knife-roll.
Posted by sarabellam

clearly she  had issues and I'm defending her on that point.  

But  I give people the benefit of the doubt.    I assume if children are in the wedding party they must be close to the couple in some way (or at least I hope so) and it does not need to be explained to other people  why they are there. 

I do not believe in the notion that kids need to be all or nothing. 

msmerymac

Eh, I can kind of see children the way I see adults. We don't tell people they necessarily have to invite ALL their coworkers or ALL their classmates. Just the ones they're close to. I think you can pick and choose the children you invite the way you pick and choose the adults you invite. Just be prepared for those with children who aren't invited to disagree with you.

squirrly

"We're so honored that Jane and Bobby want to celebrate with us!  However, we're unable to accomodate everyone we would have liked to invite.  We would really love to have you and Jim at the wedding, although we'll understand if you're unable to find child care.  Hopefully we can get together after the wedding with you all and the kids, though!"

Goldlie11

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed.:

In Response to Re: Need Help: how to politely tell someone no children allowed. : clearly she  had issues and I'm defending her on that point.   But  I give people the benefit of the doubt.    I assume if children are in the wedding party they must be close to the couple in some way (or at least I hope so) and it does not need to be explained to other people  why they are there.  I do not believe in the notion that kids need to be all or nothing. 
Posted by lyndausvi

I agree 100%.  

If you are a guest, you should be happy that the couple wants to share their special day with you.  The hosts are providing you with food, booze (usually), and entertainment.  You should be celebrating with the couple,  not making judgements about the guest list.  

I'm a teacher and I love children.  I don't want any children at my wedding other than my nieces.   I get to be with children for over 180 days a year.