Grandbaby pressure

Peledreamsofrain

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peterandlauraforever

Tell them that you're phsyically unable to bear children and that it would be a threat to your life. One day, when you're ready for a kid WHAMBAM you have a little miracle and that child can then be a godsend. Heck, you'll probably score a ton of free stuff from the inlaws because they'll be 1000000x more excited about a "miracle".

Peledreamsofrain

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jessicabessica

How does your husband feel about their comments?  Does he know how much it upsets you?  I would ask him to mention to his parents - in private - that you both hope to have children some day, but it's a few years off and ask them to tone it down.  Also, excitement for future grandchildren doesn't mean that they don't value you for who you are.

Jen4948

First, make sure your husband has your back with them.

Then tell them bluntly together: "Sorry, but we're going to be just as big a disappointment to you as your other children and children-in-law.  You are not entitled to expect us to procreate on command just so you can be grandparents.  It's been brought to my attention that you brought the subject up nine times at our wedding.  Enough is enough.  The subject is now closed.  If you can't respect that, we won't be spending any time together."

LizM61409

Tell them kids are out of the question for 5 years. That way when you get pregnant in 2 or 3 years they'll be pleasantly surprised instead of wondering why it took so long. And definitely don't tell them when you do start trying... you don't want added pressure if it takes you longer than you hope

rajahmd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grandbaby-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb71ba93-8150-498c-9687-11f593c263b0Post:5e3799c8-6d60-4672-88a9-6c67bc840201">Re: Grandbaby pressure</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell them that you're phsyically unable to bear children and that it would be a threat to your life. One day, when you're ready for a kid WHAMBAM you have a little miracle and that child can then be a godsend. Heck, you'll probably score a ton of free stuff from the inlaws because they'll be 1000000x more excited about a "miracle".
Posted by peterandlauraforever[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with the PP, this is horrendous. Don't do that. You should never lie about health issues or similar things. How do you think that makes people who actually have those problems feel?  Yeesh. Also, that's incredibly manipulative, which is not the way to bring a child into this world.</div>

peterandlauraforever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grandbaby-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb71ba93-8150-498c-9687-11f593c263b0Post:9054e43b-f0fb-4503-a055-6f175b08eeeb">Re: Grandbaby pressure</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Grandbaby pressure : I agree with the PP, this is horrendous. Don't do that. You should never lie about health issues or similar things. How do you think that makes people who actually have those problems feel?  Yeesh. Also, that's incredibly manipulative, which is not the way to bring a child into this world.
Posted by RachelBFMD[/QUOTE]

Manipulation is the key to life

wrigleyville

I agree with KW. Make sure your H is on-board, and the next time they bring it up, explain that you're waiting until you're settled and don't want to TTC for a couple of years. If they keep pressing, that's when it's time to lay down the law (politely, but firmly).

If they continue to bring it up after the law has been laid, bean-dip them. Eventually, they'll either get so frustrated that they stop trying (win) or they'll get the hint and drop it (win).

emeejeeayen

Start talking about your sex life in detail so that they know at least you're practicing! 

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grandbaby-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb71ba93-8150-498c-9687-11f593c263b0Post:d50fabd5-1282-4a56-8313-2b28969c5d30">Re: Grandbaby pressure</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Grandbaby pressure : Manipulation is the key to life
Posted by peterandlauraforever[/QUOTE]

Oh, shut up.

arendiva

I know that there will be grandbaby pressure from both sides once I marry. My parents already know that I'm 95% sure I want to be childfree. We haven't told his parents and don't plan to unless it's neccessary (since there is that 5% chance that time will make the idea of parenthood more appealing). My plan to deal with my FMIL if she becomes overly pushy is to say "It makes me uncomfortable when you ask me about my sex life with your son, can you please stop?" because that's what it is. It's asking people about their sex lives and that is creepy and rude.

beardo1111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grandbaby-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb71ba93-8150-498c-9687-11f593c263b0Post:c5aaffef-2a1e-4a44-9401-f00c6eb08bf1">Re: Grandbaby pressure</a>:
[QUOTE]My standard response is that we'll start TTC exactly 1 year after the last person mentions us having a baby, so oops, guess we're starting the count over today.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Hahahaha....this.  Not married yet (10-11 months to go!) but after I am, and if I get these questions, this will be my answer.

Peledreamsofrain

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AnitaH08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grandbaby-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb71ba93-8150-498c-9687-11f593c263b0Post:c5aaffef-2a1e-4a44-9401-f00c6eb08bf1">Re: Grandbaby pressure</a>:
[QUOTE]My standard response is that we'll start TTC exactly 1 year after the last person mentions us having a baby, so oops, guess we're starting the count over today.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Love this! It's polite enough and still lets the person know that you don't especially appreciate the questions.

I'm worried about this issue myself, though more from my family than FI's. His parents are a lot younger than my mother and still have a teenager, and I am 27 and my mother's youngest, so I think that makes a difference. Glad I have a good response now!

Edited to fix grammar mistakes.

Avion22

You could always say something like, "Oh, ha ha, we're just so excited about starting our lives togther as newleyweds.  We'll think about children in a few years."

If people really push, you could go with "Why do you want/need to know?"   

I agree that your H should have your back on this.  He should let his parents know that you plan on waiting a few years, and that the constant comments and quetions are unwelcome.

thejucheidea

Get a dog. My parents and his parents don't care about the lack of human grandbaby right now because we have three granddogs for them to enjoy (and they are CRAZY about their granddogs!!).

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grandbaby-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb71ba93-8150-498c-9687-11f593c263b0Post:3ebeff61-400f-4373-bbbe-cad1db86dcb6">Re: Grandbaby pressure</a>:
[QUOTE]Get a dog. My parents and his parents don't care about the lack of human grandbaby right now because we have three granddogs for them to enjoy (and they are CRAZY about their granddogs!!).
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

This doesn't answer the problem, which is that the ILs are intruding into a very private area of the OP and her husband's life.  They're not required to produce babies, pets, or anyone else for the ILs to "grandparent."  The ILs need to find some way to deal with this urge without involving their children.

Not to mention, with people this fanatic about it, I bet they'll insist on being present in the delivery room when the OP is in labor.  OP, be prepared for that and come down hard with a firm no if that's not what you want.

Peledreamsofrain

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Calypso1977

i wouldnt tell them anything abotu the time frame or your desires.  whether or not you have children, how many, and when its between you and your husband.  no one else is involved wiht the decision making nor do they need to be kept informed.

arendiva

Yeah I wouldn't offer a time table. The risk with that approach is that if in two years you still don't feel ready or want kids then you IL's feel that you've made a promise to them which you aren't upholding. Always be vague about whether or not  grandchildren are in the future.

harper0813

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grandbaby-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb71ba93-8150-498c-9687-11f593c263b0Post:c5aaffef-2a1e-4a44-9401-f00c6eb08bf1">Re: Grandbaby pressure</a>:
[QUOTE]My standard response is that we'll start TTC exactly 1 year after the last person mentions us having a baby, so oops, guess we're starting the count over today.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This is genius. I hope you don't mind if I use this line!!</div>

LizM61409

Don't get me started on overbearing family/friends during the delivery. I'm an ob/gyn resident and I've seen plenty of it. The worst is when they call the labor room phone (they get put through by the clerk after calling the main L&D number), which doesn't go to voicemail or otherwise get cut off. I've had that damn phone ringing for 10 minutes straight during deliveries b/c the person on the other end refuses to give up. Don't tell your in-laws when you go into labor, and turn off your cell phone and unhook the room phone from the wall.

And I LOVE the idea about telling people you'll start trying after they stop talking about it.