i need validation please!

RoxysMama

I need some insight......DH and I have been invited to the wedding of his co-worker.  While at their engagement party the groom mentioned that their guest count was at 200 people.  I asked the groom how 200 people were going to fit into a front yard ceremony.  He explained that their exchange would be kept short (under 20 minutes) and that immediate family would be seated and all other guest could stand.  It is my opinion that invite= seat and it is inappropriate to send the message that I am good enough to buy you a gift just not good enough for you to provide me a seat.  I explained all of these feelings to DH on he way home from the party.  He thinks that I am over reacting and that its no big deal.  I think they are being incredibly inconsiderate and rude.  comments??

Simply Fated

20 minutes, and then the time it takes to wait for the ceremony to begin and if things run late... too long for me to stand.

I'll validate you.

freebread03

You're right-seats need to be provided to everyone and it's incredibly rude to not do so.  Personally, I HATE standing, and for some reason, my knees always hurt when I have to stand in one place (i.e. not moving) for more than a few minutes (hence, I'm a very fidgety stander).  For guests in heels, I imagine this is even more of an issue.  If it were me and I knew this, I wouldn't be attending the ceremony...

RoxysMama

Oh and I forgot to mention that I will be holding a wiggly one year while in heels.

misssunshine17

I hate when people skip the ceremony, but in your case, I would show up for the reception. 

itzMS

I think this is a sign that you can skip the ceremony.

Or, bring some lawn chairs!

I know I would be superpissed to not get to sit down.

Kate61487

I'll also validate you.  It's ridiculous to ask 150 people to stand for what will probably be close to an hour after you get there early, procession, ceremony, their exit and presumably there won't just be a mass exoddus, you'll have to wait to get moving towards the reception or your car.

I'd skip the ceremony, too.  Especially with a wriggly 1 yo to hold.

AddieCake

You're correct. They should be providing seats. You and your husband should go stand in your yard with the baby for an hour and maybe he will see why it's a big deal and that you are not over reacting. . 

CallaLily25

They should definitely be providing seats for every guest! I think that if people are taking the time to witness your vows and (usually) are providing a gift, you should show your appreciation by considering their comfort throughout the entire day.

TKzilla

I considered doing a similar situation with my beach wedding - just enough chairs for family and elderly guests. It wasn't until someone pointed out that no matter how short I thought my vows were going to be, any number of things could lengthen a ceremony, that I realized it was really rude. It sounds like they're trying to save money (it DOES suck to rent 200 chairs for what seems like so little time) but this isn't the way to do it. Kindly explain to the bride and groom that due to the seating issue, you may not be able to witness the ceremony because you don't want your little one to interrupt their vows with a big fat raspberry! PPPPHHHHBBBBTTTT!

Avion22

Solution 1:  Have your H hold the one-year old (hey, he doesn't see a problem with no chairs, right?)

Solution 2:  Bring your own lawn chairs.  I would:-)  If your H doesn't think he'll need one, then don't bring one for him.

Solution 3:  Skip the ceremony.  Again, if your husband wants to go and stand there, then let him go without you.

I'm sure if you pick one of these courses of action, your husband will understand why chairs are a must!!!

rajahmd

Based off the title, I thought this was going to be a train wreck with an OP asking us to validate their bad idea. Pleasantly surprised it's not.

OP, I completely validate your feelings. I agree. As someone with horrible knees, I can't stand for very long without terrible pain. To ask 150 of their guests to do so is just irresponsible and rude. Totally agree with just going to the reception. I would also mention to the bride or groom how much you'll miss seeing the ceremony because you won't have anywhere to sit. Maybe that'll be enough to knock some sense into them.

warpedredpenguin

This was one of the biggest fights I had with my mother about the wedding. She couldn't understand why I wanted to spend my money on chairs for everyone for 30 minutes instead of just VIPs. So glad I spent the money. 

Not having a chair for everyone is pretty rude. At my cousin's wedding, her ceremony was in this old chuch that only held 50 people max, and half of the pews were broken or nearly so. She invited 200 people. The church was so crowded, she had to push through the crowd to get down the aisle. Half of the guests had to wait outside. Nobody was very happy. 

ridedatbike

In Response to Re:i need validation please!:[QUOTE]This was one of the biggest fights I had with my mother about the wedding. She couldn't understand why I wanted to spend my money on chairs for everyone for 30 minutes instead of just VIPs. So glad I spent the money.nbsp;Not having a chair for everyone is pretty rude. At my cousin's wedding, her ceremony was in this old chuch that only held 50 people max, and half of the pews were broken or nearly so. She invited 200 people. The church was so crowded, she had to push through the crowd to get down the aisle. Half of the guests had to wait outside. Nobody was very happy.nbsp; Posted by warpedredpenguin[/QUOTE]

Ya. I mean you're having that many chairs for the reception why not re use them rather than not have them at all.

rajahmd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-need-validation-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d86ac5f1-0f44-4ae4-98f1-f3564e0d1f67Post:3f3f7461-65d7-4205-9408-6aee230af6f3">Re: i need validation please!</a>:
[QUOTE]This was one of the biggest fights I had with my mother about the wedding. She couldn't understand why I wanted to spend my money on chairs for everyone for 30 minutes instead of just VIPs. So glad I spent the money.  Not having a chair for everyone is pretty rude. <strong>At my cousin's wedding, her ceremony was in this old chuch that only held 50 people max, and half of the pews were broken or nearly so. She invited 200 people. The church was so crowded, she had to push through the crowd to get down the aisle. Half of the guests had to wait outside. Nobody was very happy</strong>. 
Posted by warpedredpenguin[/QUOTE]

<div>That is ridiculous.  Who the world thought that was a good idea? Good grief.....</div>

Peledreamsofrain

As someone who just recently herniated two discs in my back, you better believe I'll validate you.  I'd be in agony if I was expected to stand in place for 30+ minutes.  They're being rude and potentially cruel to disabled guests.

MoonlightSilver

If you're physically able to have chairs, you should have a chair for every person. Saying that; we didn't have chairs for every person at my ceremony.  The venue doesn't allow more than 20 chairs at the ceremony location, because the ground is uneven. So we had chairs for the elderly/disabled/those we knew could not stand, and the rest of our guests were standing. However, there were benches at the top of the stair case and I think around the corner for anyone who couldn't stand or couldn't stand the whole time. 

But if this is their back yard, then they get to decide whether they have chairs or not, so they definitely should. If the ground is too uneven for chairs, they can get benches or other seats that have wider legs.

rajahmd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-need-validation-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d86ac5f1-0f44-4ae4-98f1-f3564e0d1f67Post:9622afed-a046-4e3d-9060-c3af65582a71">Re: i need validation please!</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're physically able to have chairs, you should have a chair for every person. Saying that; we didn't have chairs for every person at my ceremony.  The venue doesn't allow more than 20 chairs at the ceremony location, because the ground is uneven. So we had chairs for the elderly/disabled/those we knew could not stand, and the rest of our guests were standing. However, there were benches at the top of the stair case and I think around the corner for anyone who couldn't stand or couldn't stand the whole time.  But if this is their back yard, then they get to decide whether they have chairs or not, so they definitely should. If the ground is too uneven for chairs, they can get benches or other seats that have wider legs.
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Honestly, I don't think choosing a venue that can only sit so many is an excuse not to have seats within viewing range of the ceremony.  If your venue could only sit X number, you should only invite X number.  If that's a smaller number than you would like, then you have a private ceremony with immediate family only and invite as many as you want and can afford to the reception.  Picking a small venue doesn't give anyone the right to mistreat their guests. </div>

RoxysMama

thank you all for the input. I definitely feel less crazy. 

mlg78

Both my bosses wedding and two other friend's weddings were like this...it was awful.  Especially in the heat.  Chairs do NOT cost that much to rent in the grand scheme of things.

warpedredpenguin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-need-validation-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d86ac5f1-0f44-4ae4-98f1-f3564e0d1f67Post:88176d96-a22a-4903-8722-7a16e936edd3">Re:i need validation please!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:i need validation please!: Ya. I mean you're having that many chairs for the reception why not re use them rather than not have them at all.
Posted by ridedatbike[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually we couldn't use the venue's chairs, they weren't allowed on the beach, so I had to rent some that were. But I figured a few hundred dollars for my guests' comfort was a worthwhile investment. </div>

MsYeck

As much as people spend per person on stupid stuff I as a guest won't notice or care about (favors nd the suh) I think they would be much better off spending on something I will notice like a chair. You can spend on you want on a reception but if you make me stand for 25 minutes in one place wearing heels that is all I will remember about the wedding.