Paying a dowry

katherineUTC

True but the beauty of America also allows me to express my opinions about her choice

laudanum1

touché =P

ecuchika

That is sad to hear.  I knew a girl who was in a similar situation.  He and her boyfriend--who shared all their first and who were in love had to break up so she could marry another guy--she met him/husband I believe at the engagment party or the wedding not cant remember its been a long time ago.  Yeah I dont understand tradiations like that.  You would think in such a chaning time period we would all grow a little...but like laud said people were given freewill and have choices.  I mainly feel bad for the guy involved!  It seems he is getting the short end of the stick!  The girl should talk to mom and dad but he isnt really in a place to do that since he wants her hand in marriage! JMO

katherineUTC

I think it's fine if they want to carry out their tradition but at least make it so that they can marry if they want to, and not allow financial burdens to prevent the marriage. Like I said earlier, it'd be nice if they somehow gave their daughter a large $$ gift, didnt tell her how to use it, but maybe hint at it, so then SHE gives it to him to give to them. There are ways around it... but to expect this guy to cough up several thousands of dollars that he doesnt have is really insane. Well, im not going to feel bad for her anymore when she says anything about him not proposing, because now I know why! And she's standing by her parents' wishes, sooo... it's her choice to allow this to stand in the way.

ecuchika

Katherine!  I thought about this after I posted but then had to go to work.....now this is the smart a$$ in me buttttt....what if your guy friend gets a 5K savings bond!  See an EE bond is purchased at 1/2 face value sooo he wouldn't have to cough up all of it...maybe get daughter's social on it if he can't get the parents (b/c i know i wouldnt-if i were him--put MY social on the bond) but put dad as the owner and mom as a co-owner!  I know its still a LOT but its 1/2 of what they expect--but yet he is still giving them a 5k dowery!  They would have to wait a few years to get to the full face value!! It would HOPEFULLY make parents feel like he really truly LOVES her and will try to get anything he can to marry her...just a thought he could save some money!  Oh something tells me the parents may not be in a bind for money (i may be wrong) but hopefully they could pay for whatever the couple needed them to pay for when it comes to the wedding!  I once knew a Hmong girl she lived in my suite at college--i befriended her and she told me the culture is very strick..luckly for her she managed to find a Hmong/French guy who graduated top of class at State to go on to med school.Good luck to your guy friend but I hope something helps him out! What do you think?

shigaites

That's actually a pretty good idea!