Should I be telling people that we aren't serving alcohol?

arobertson62282

I just had to have a convo with a coworker after he told me that he and his wife planned on calling White Horse to pick them up from the wedding. I told him it wouldn't be necessary because we weren't serving and he looked surprised. Why does everyone assume that a wedding will be a drunk fest?! I sent a note to 2 others that I thought might be shocked, but should I be telling others?

LBM7189

For some reasons, weddings and alcohol tend to go hand and hand.  People just assume they are going to get free booze!  It's your choice and it shouldn't impact if someone comes or not.  Big deal- alcohol is expensive!  They can go have a drink out on the town after if they want since they are already dressed up!

arobertson62282

Well we could have afforded it - we CHOSE not to serve it because of other factors. When you have to sign your life away because of the chance of someone doing something stupid and you would be liable...you rethink everything. Hire a couple of bartenders, buy the alcohol itself, hire an off-duty police officer, and get insurance...it adds up. And we're not even going to drink, nor are our family members. We'll pass. I don't think it'll change anyone's plans to come, but I just wondered.

momofayden

Yes I would let others know in advance. 

Jessica82799

I am sure that several people will probably disagree and think I am a horrible person for saying so, but since you have having a big evening wedding I don't necessarily blame people for being surprised. I completely respect your choice not to serve and think that's totally your prerogative.  I do NOT think it should affect anyone's plans to come (and if it does that is totally messed up), but for some young folks it does make the evening a little different and I would understand why they might want to know in advance. I definitely don't think you need to send out a PSA, but I would be up front about it, as it sounds like you have been, with people who might ask or care.

kristyand

We too chose for a number of reasons not to have alcohol. Our wedding was not tiny but much smaller, 90-ish people, so all close friends and family. I mean some people knew there would be no alcohol, there were surely a handful that would have enjoyed its presence (oh let me add our reception was from 1-5), but it was not there and there was no warning. If people care at all that it would or would not be there, I could care less. I know some think it is bogus and likely a terrible bore of an experience to not have alcohol but I don't think their were any people on our guest list that would hold such an opinion. I think if you have some friends who you think would really care, sure, tell them. But I personally wouldn't draw attention to it. You don't want that to be the chatter about your wedding day festivities, leading up to ya know. People know you, if you and your family usually host large parties with tons of alcohol, or you and your FI go out and drink as a regular occurrence with all your friends, then perhaps people would be a bit more shocked and I could understand making it more known. But my guess neither is the scenario or you would likely be serving. Don't worry about it. There are for whatever reason very inflamed opinions about the presence of alcohol that provided me unnecessary stress and worry. A waist of my time and thoughts I did not need in my head.

kristyand

shockingly I read that once before posting, clearly doing too many things at once... sorry

clschnack

No, there is no need to add one more thing to your list of to-do's and let people know.  I have never gone to a wedding and expected alcohol.  If it was there, great.  If not, I am going to have a good time regardless.

campbelle

I wouldn't worry about it at all. We had only champagne at our wedding. That was after much "agonizing" over it. There are definitely people in our families and our circle of friends who were disappointed in our choice to serve limited alcohol, but we decided we didn't care (there are extenuating circumstances in our family regarding alcohol) . Everyone had a great time and, in the end, it wasn't missed. I wouldn't worry about adding a PSA to your list of things to do before the wedding. Your family and friends should be there to enjoy celebrating you and your FI...not getting free booze.

shigaites

The two times I went to weddings that were dry, they hadn't done it for religious reasons and I was surprised.  I kind of wish they had told me because I would have brought a flask to make the punch they were serving tolerable.  (Seriously, both times it was like they had gone to Wal-mart and bought the most disgusting sugar water available lol)  Ironically all of the religious weddings I went to did have alcohol.  Go figure.So I would maybe mention it in conversation with people you have invited and have your parents pass around the word.  I'm getting my mom to tell my wine-o relatives we're not buying wine so they know to bring their own bottles if they really want it lol.

keserzan

Not to be snarky, but I would avoid a PSA to avoid exactly what shigaites just said. It is your wedding and you can do exactly what you want - and if you don't want alcohol there, that's your business, and your right. I wouldn't HIDE the fact from those that ask, but I also wouldn't put it on my wedding website or send it in invites to avoid people sneaking in their own.

shigaites

Oh I totally agree you shouldn't make a big fuss about it.  I would just mention it in conversation if the opportunity presents itself and ask the parentals to spread the word if they think there are family members that might have a beef about it.  We're planning on having alcohol but not wine so if my uncle wants to bring a bottle I don't mind at all.  I think at weddings that are completely dry though people have common sense to be more discreet with flasks and what not if they personally would like to have something to drink.  At least that has been my experience.But in the end, you know your guests best so you should do what you think they would like in regards to knowing in advance.

kristyand

I do not comprehend the need for brining a flask to a dry wedding. I maybe get bringing wine, if that is all you drink, to a wedding serving alcohol as then everyone would be drinking but the wine drinker, and if they are usually someone who drinks alcohol then that could be uncomfortable. But brining in alcohol to a dry event... is 5 hours really that long to go without it? And I know some prefer it as social situations are made easier (perception) by it, but come on, it is your wedding. Come if you desire, celebrate with me, be happy for my choices, and go home happy for me, for the day we shared, and without judgment or condition.

shigaites

I think for some people it's simply a cultural difference.  The one wedding I went to, the bride's family was Irish Catholic, the groom's family wasn't.  I forget the exact reason why they didn't have alcohol, but her side of the family was pretty bummed out about it.  Her dad was even grumbling to me about it at one point during the reception which was pretty awkward.   It's just part of the celebration culture for some people.  Like with every Irish Catholic wake I've been to, you're drinking for about two days straight while celebrating the life of the deceased.Just because someone wants to drink doesn't mean they want to get drunk.  I think it's unfair to assume because someone wants to have a drink at a celebration they're being a jerk.  The only time I would really view it as out of line is if you were going to a wedding where it was a religion that strictly prohibits alcohol.  If you went to a wedding knowing full well it was going to be dry for that reason, it's a bit much to still want to drink at it.  But if the wedding is dry because they couple didn't want to pay for alcohol, didn't want to deal with the licensing, etc, and you're going to be responsible about it, I doubt anyone would even notice at the end of the day.

gizmo91909

I don't think it's necessary to tell everyone. They will get over it if it upsets or surprises them that there is no alcohol.

campbelle

Again, not to be snarky, but I don't agree. There is a reason the couple decided what music will be played, what traditions to follow, and what to serve. There are many reasons why the couple might have decided to have a dry reception other than religion. I have a friend who had a dry reception because her father is a recovering alcoholic. If someone had shown up with their own wine or flask it would have really dampened (to say the least) the day. I would consider it the height of rudeness for a guest to bring their own alcohol to a dry event. Weddings are to celebrate the love and commitment of a couple. In the manner of said couple's choosing. I don't think it's a guest's place to alter the tone of the celebration the couple has chosen to set. I agree with Kristi. Is five hours really that long?

shigaites

I guess I don't really understand how it would change the tone of the day if no one is aware it's going on?

kristyand

perhaps its simply principle. but intention and principle stand for a great deal in my book.

luciamatt

I am super late on responding to this, but I agree that you should not feel like you have to tell your guests that there will not be alcohol there. I would however, if someone asks to mention it. This is your and your FI's decision to not have alcohol present...your guests should respect that. AND good for you guys for sticking to your decision. I don't know that I could go without having alcohol at our wedding...only because I come from a big Italian family and FI comes from a big Polish Family and we all like to have our wine. So again Yay for you!! If your guests want to drink that much, as some of the PP's have mentioned, they can go to a bar afterwards.

andrea01012009

since it's not a life sustaining part of the reception then i don't think you have to say anything. if there was not going to be water or restroom facilities then i think you would have to say something. alcohol is a big no.

elisab81

i agree with shigaites.  If I werent serving alcohol (which we are) and someone brought a flask with them, I wouldnt make a big deal at all! why would I be concerned with their concealed alcohol anyway.  I come from an italian family where alcohol is just like any other drink, people dont get stupid just because they have a drink. JMO....I would rather someone feel comfortable having a few sips from their flasks than feel akward and uncomfortable for some reason.  I dont put restrictions on my friends and family...my principle is to love them for who they are.   BTW...i would make it known that you are not serving.  Not a huge PSA or anything, but I would let the word spread on its own.  You never know if ppl are making hotel plans, cab plans, etc.  It would be a courteous thing to do.  GOOD LUCK

arobertson62282

Thanks for all of your opinions. This has been the one area of the process that has given me any concern at all. I mentioned it to a few coworkers - 1 who was shocked, 2 who completely understood (one even saying that it was no biggie that he was just looking forward to sharing our day with us), and another I haven't heard from. My parents have mentioned it to the few drinkers she knew of, and FI has mentioned it to his friends - all of which said "well why would you, you don't drink." We made the decision for a variety of reasons. 1- we don't drink, 2- because of the substantial risk involved, and 3- my brother is a recovering addict, and when he went into rehab this last time (and not to say he's over it), I decided that any substance didn't need a place in our wedding or our lives. We rarely drink now as a result - we may have a drink every blue moon, but it's just not for us. For those of you having weddings at private venues, many will have you sign all kinds of paperwork regarding the risk. When you're asked to take full responsibility for any alcohol served and the accidents that may or not result in that drinking...and then calculate the costs of having it when you're not going to drink - it's just not worth it. I don't care if someone brings and airplane bottle or a flask, but when I look back at pictures of our wedding day, I want my attention to be drawn to all the wonderful faces that were there, and not the drinks that they were carrying. It's a personal decision, but I've been to several dry weddings and it wasn't missed. I even went to one wedding where they served wine and it seemed so out of place, that many people did not partake. Anywho, sorry for the long response - thanks for your opinions.

Knottie_22387735

I wouldn't hide it if people asked, but I would not advertise it either.  People will either bring flasks or spend part of your reception drinking in the parking lot, which is probably not what you want.  The alcohol v. no alcohol debate is a personal one and if you guys do not want to serve alcohol, that is your perogative.   I have never been to a dry wedding and hadn't heard of one until the Knot, but I'm an Irish Catholic from New Jersey, so having a drink at a family event is standard.  So for my family and friends they would be shocked by no alcohol but that is only because it's just not the norm for them.  Also, calling a car service doesn't mean your co-worker planned on getting fall down drunk; the dwi laws in NC are really strick, you don't even have to be over the legal limit to get a dwi, so your co-worker could conceivable have two or three drinks at your wedding, be totally sober, and still get a dwi.  I think he was just being responsible.  Wanting alcohol and planning on getting wasted are really different things, I don't like when people who don't drink assume that someone wanting alcohol means they are an alcoholic who plans on getting plastered.  It would be like me assuming all non-drinkers are boring religious people with a stick up their bums.

midnite007x

ashley - i totally respect you for your decision and it is one i am struggling with myself for the exact same reasons. although, we dont have to sign anything b/c we have rented a beach house. i know the group of friends that we have and how crazy things can get especially being "down on the beach". we are only CONSIDERING beer and wine. If everyone was going to be staying at a hotel close by or a beach house in walking distance it would make the decision easier. I too will have recovering members and some that need to be recovering that i would rather not feed thier habit. FI mom was telling me about a girl that is going to be at my wedding, that was at FI first wedding and had to be carried out due to alcohol poisoning!!!! this is a hard decision for us but if we decide not to serve then i dont feel the need to put it out there for everyone. they are supposed to be there for us and not the alcohol. i do not want to leave the door open for people to think they can bring thier own. if we decide not to serve its b/c we dont want it there at all. if they dont like it and want to head off to a bar and opt out of our reception then that decision is on them and i had nothign to do with it.

campbelle

I don't think that because someone wants to have a drink means they want to get drunk. I come from a family that enjoys having alcohol at social events, and I will occasionally have a glass of wine or two to celebrate with them. What I don't think in any way is appropriate is bringing your own alcohol of any type to an event that the hosts have made a conscious decision, for whatever reason, to exclude alcohol from. Why would you want to be the only person or couple of persons drinking. I believe it's an issue of respect. That's my last post on this issue. Promise.

harrypotterrocks13

We're not having any alcohol either. Neither of us drink and nobody in our families really drink either. There are a few, but they would definately get really drunk and cause a lot of problems, so we decided not to get it. Its your wedding and you don't have to have alcohol. Its too expensive anyway! I agree with other posters that said that if they really want to drink, then they can go afterwards. But I think they should be able to go through a reception without drinking.

sistergh

I think it's totally cool that you're not serving alcohol, and I don't think it will affect people's plans to come. I don't think it's unreasonable that your friend assumed there would be alcohol, though. And you may have other guests who are making the same assumption. So I would quitely spread the word to local folks you think are drinkers. I know a lot of folks who get hotel rooms for local-ish weddings just to avoid driving. I could see some folks spending $ unnecessarily. (Do I remember correctly that your wedding's in Wake Forest? That's the sort of situation where I can see some Raleigh/Cary/Apex folks who assumed there'd be alcohol booking an unnecessary room. It's close enough to drive if you haven't had a drink(s), but sort of far to take a cab, etc.)

Mouche1

We too decided not to have alcohol, but now my FI says maybe we should just have champagne for everyone during the toast. I'm not so sure that would go over well do you?