Should groom's family throw a shower?

japmater

My son (and only child) is getting married in May. When my sister's oldest daughter got married I helped a lot (bought her tiara, hosted the BM luncheon, had her and her MOH stay with us the night before the wedding, had all the BMs and bride dress and take photos at my house, etc.), which I was more than happy to do-- I adore my niece and her parents don't have a lot of $$. When my other sister's son was married we flew to Australia and spent 2 weeks there so he would have some of his family present for the festivities. Again, we were thrilled to be able to be there for him. Now it's my son's turn. Am I expecting too much that one of my sisters or my niece would offer to host a shower? Would I be out of line in suggesting such a thing? I do not want to seem greedy or meddlesome, so should I just let it go?

rebarobert2012

No one is obligated to host a shower.  I wouldn't suggest it to them.  If they want to host one, I'm sure that they will offer.

Avion22

If it was your DAUGHTER getting married, then I could see your sisters hosting a party for her.  But I honestly can't imagine your sisters throwing a shower for your FDIL.    However, there's no reason that YOU can't host a party for your FDIL.  

dumdumfroggie

Just let it go.  If they want to throw one they will.  

achiduck

Weddings are not tit-for-tat. While it would be nice if someone offered to throw a shower they're not require to or might not have the funds to do so.

japmater

Appreciate the advice, though I think making a distinction between a daughter and a son regarding hosting showers is a little sexist! It's still a little over 3 mo. away, so I'll just bite my tongue. Haven't heard anything about a shower on the bride's side either though....

tpender13

I'd honestly be a little hurt/ticked/something if I were you, but nobody is obligated to do any of these things, so I would just let it go at this point.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-grooms-family-throw-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a591a4-ddad-46b4-8694-c0d6934b25dcPost:a5f6378e-3e35-42c2-9988-b7a081e520ce">Re: Should groom's family throw a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Appreciate the advice, though I think making a distinction between a daughter and a son regarding hosting showers is a little sexist! It's still a little over 3 mo. away, so I'll just bite my tongue. Haven't heard anything about a shower on the bride's side either though....
Posted by japmater[/QUOTE]

<div>I wasn't being sexist.  I guess I made an assumption that your siblings might be closer to one of your own children than they would with a person your child chooses to marry.  I would never expect a relative to host a shower for someone they didn't know.  </div>

Jana711

You can volunteer to throw your FDIL a shower yourself.  No one is obligated to do this, and if they haven't mentioned it yet, they probably aren't planning on doing it.

jessicabessica

If you want a shower for your side of the family for your future DIL, why don't you host it?  Are you talking about a couples shower? 

I don't understand why you would think that someone on your side would host a shower for your future DIL unless they were super close.  The distinction between a daughter and a son is not sexist, assuming we're talking about a bridal shower.  If your kid was the bride, presumably your sisters and niece know her a lot better (since she would be your child, not your child's sig other).  My aunt threw me a bridal shower, but I wouldn't think anyone except my MIL on DH's side would have offered to throw me a shower.  Does that make sense?

[Deleted User]

I think you should just plan on throwing the shower for you FDIL yourself... sometimes if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself . Maybe your sister/family will offer their assistance.

P.S. I think this is a really nice gesture. My BM & mom is throwing my shower. I am not even sure if my FMIL will even show, so I would be ecstatic if my FMIL offered to throw me a shower! LOL

mari0225

My FMIL is throwing one of my showers and i'm very excited about it.

mbody

I wouldn't expect your family to throw a shower for your future daughter-in-law. Are they close? I think it would be super weird if my fiance's aunts offered to throw me one. However, I see them at larger family gatherings for holidays. So, I guess it depends on the relationship.

Why don't you offer to host one for her and your son? That would be really nice- and I'm sure if a shower hasn't been mentioned yet, then no one has planned one yet.

Edit: Don't mention it to either your sisters or your neice. It would be rude to do so.

graysquirrel

If you want your FDIL to have a shower, I'd say to just host it yourself. The only people who are not supposed to host the shower are the bride and her mom, although the bride's mom thing is now chainging some, I think.

MyNameIsNot

You could always host and ask your sister if she'd like to participate.  

hbatchel2

My MIL and her sisters had a shower for me. I don't see the problem with it.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-grooms-family-throw-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a591a4-ddad-46b4-8694-c0d6934b25dcPost:394b46a6-b804-41a5-8030-a29901a2311d">Re: Should groom's family throw a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]My MIL and her sisters had a shower for me. I don't see the problem with it.
Posted by hbatchel2[/QUOTE]

<div>There's no PROBLEM with them offering to host.  It just shouldn't be expected that the MOG's siblings will host a shower for the bride (especially if they've never met or aren't close).    </div>

tenofcups4me

I would have thought they'd want to do something for you son given what you did for their kids' weddings. But if they haven't mentioned it by now, I would move forward assuming they're not going to offer. It's fine if you want to throw the shower yourself.

FWIW, my mother did make a shower for my male cousin's wife. She threw one for his older sister when she got married and so of course would do the same for him. But that's the way my family is -- you do for one, you do for the other.

kennazebrowsky

My FI family is throwing me a lingerie shower. If you want to have a shower For your FDI I say go for it

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-grooms-family-throw-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a591a4-ddad-46b4-8694-c0d6934b25dcPost:cbf54792-3f54-4a99-86d4-6a3cc93604c4">Re: Should groom's family throw a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]You could always host and ask your sister if she'd like to participate.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

This.

mfurtado12780

Isn't it the BM's that usually host? and it is still 3 months away, maybe they are having one and taking care of all the details.  Did you even ask anyone on her side of the family? 

On another note did you ask them if they wanted a shower? maybe they don't want one, maybe your FDIL thought that having a shower was too much for for wedding party to contribute to on top of a wedding.  Its not all about party after party.

acaponi87

My FMIL is throwing us one and she is really excited about it! We're very happy that we'll have one on his side.

staceycaine

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-grooms-family-throw-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a591a4-ddad-46b4-8694-c0d6934b25dcPost:6c5f5b9f-8948-4221-be81-4158fffd8de7">Re: Should groom's family throw a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]If it was your DAUGHTER getting married, then I could see your sisters hosting a party for her.  But I honestly can't imagine your sisters throwing a shower for your FDIL.    However, there's no reason that YOU can't host a party for your FDIL.  
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

Really? My figure aunts-in-law mentioned throwing a shower. It's still far too far in advance, so I didn't really say anything one way or the other, but they kept saying how "cute" it would be to make this for the shower and that for the shower. I assumed that meant they would be involved in throwing it, but who knows?

Hilraythebride

I would not expect or suggest they throw the shower.  If they want to do it, they will mention it.  I went to Thanksgiving dinner at my FI's Aunt's house (this was the second time we met them first time was just when they were coming through town and we got cheesesteaks).  She opened up their home to us for about a week and we had a great time,  I really enjoyed having Thanksgiving dinner there and it was really sweet when we went around the table and read what we wrote what we were thankful for.  Almost all of them said they were thankful for the new addition to their family (me!), it was so sweet as I said the same thing!!!

Anyway after Thanksgiving dinner we started talking wedding and his Aunt said she would be honored to throw me the shower.  She said it would be like an Auntie shower for me (FI has about 5 Aunts).  

This was so sweet of them but they sure didn't have to offer it.  I mad it clear in the beginning that this would be my one and only shower because my family is very small.  I would not mention it as it is a big responsability to take on and also a big expense.  

Hilraythebride

Add to above:  I didn't think it was strange for her to offer this as this is kind of her personality, she is a SAH mom and loves party planning and the like so when  she offered it just seemed natural to me that she would want to do this for me.  Plus his family has and continues to be super accepting of loving of me from the moment I meet them I am part of the family.  

Plus my FI was always a little trouble maker so they are glad that he was able to find someone who can keep him in line HAHA!

toothpastechica

Friends of my FIL's are offering to throw me a shower, it struck me as odd since i dont really know them (have only met the lady who offered once) It feels a bit gift grabby to me to have a shower thats made up entirely of people I hardly know (all invited to the wedding, but all on thier side, since my mom wants to throw me a shower and they are not people I would have invited to it). I have agreed to it on the condition my FI can be there (jack and jill shower) because I feel like it would be really awkward otherwise.