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Etiquette

Cash in Lieu of Gifts... on Invitation?

As I live with my husband to be, and we will be footing a portion of the wedding/honeymoon bill, we really do not want any of the traditional wedding gifts. We just don't have a need for them, whereas we do have a need for money.

Do you think its rude to put a line "Cash in Lieu of Gifts" on the invitations?
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Re: Cash in Lieu of Gifts... on Invitation?

  • edited June 2012
    It is rude to request cash gifts on your invitation. A lot of people now live with their significant others & have for awhile so they have all the items they need but it is still rude to ask. If you want cash, dont register, people will get the the hint. Also, turn down any showers that are offered to you. Your bridal party may also spread it around when people ask them what you both want. 

    Edit; Gifts shouldnt be expected. 

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    Blue_Bird
  • Yup! Very rude. You shouldn't mention ANY sort of gifts, cash or otherwise, on the invitation.


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  • That's the surest way to end up with a monagrammed toaster and a crocheted toilet paper cover. People get pissed off when they see a presumptious demand for cash in a wedding invitation. Don't do it.
    Blue_Bird
  • In Response to Cash in Lieu of Gifts... on Invitation?:
    As I live with my husband to be, and we will be footing a portion of the wedding/honeymoon bill, we really do not want any of the traditional wedding gifts. We just don't have a need for them, whereas we do have a need for money. Do you think its rude to put a line "Cash in Lieu of Gifts" on the invitations?
    Posted by Amy9319
    Lots of people nowadays pay for their own weddings and honeymoons, so you're not special or unique there. You can't expect your guests to fund either of those things, or hope to make back what you spent in cash gifts.

    Asking for cash is rude. It's actually rude to ask for gifts/mention your registry on your invitation to begin with. Don't register, turn down showers, as they're gift giving occassions, not cash giving occassions.
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    Blue_Bird
  • My future inlaws attended a wedding last weekend and on the invitations it said "cash and gift cards only, please." There was A LOT of a talk. It is rude, indeed.
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  • In Response to Cash in Lieu of Gifts... on Invitation?:
    Do you think its rude to put a line "Cash in Lieu of Gifts" on the invitations?
    Posted by Amy9319
    Uh.  Yeah.
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  • Yes, very. It is rude to mention anything about gifts on an invitation. 

  • In Response to Re:Cash in Lieu of Gifts... on Invitation?:
    In Response to Re:Cash in Lieu of Gifts... on Invitation?: Me too, but I'd send them loose instead of rolled.
    Posted by StageManager14

    Funny enough I normally give cash as a gift.  It's because that is what I want to give.  I get offended went it's suggested on an invite.
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  • On what planet do people honestly think it's ok to even ask this question?  I mean, is there somewhere in this universe that I don't know about where it's ok to demand gifts of money from people you are supposed to care about? 
    Blue_Bird
  • We usually give cash too, but if I received a blatant request for it in an invitation I'd probably go buy something from a store with no return policy.
    brielleinlove
  • YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS never mention gifts of any kind on an invitation. If you prefer cash or a honeymoon, there are lots of registry options for these. I'm in a wedding and they registered for their honeymoon to New Orleans. 

    On the "additional information" card included in your invitation, list your wedding website. It is appropriate to list your registries here.
  • ootmother2ootmother2
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    edited June 2012
    I almost always give cash at weddings, an item off the registry for the shower.

    Anyone who tell me they want money gets a box of rolled pennies

    oops, didn't see Lyndas' reply
  • Oh boy.  Kelnash, you should lurk before giving etiquette advice.

    Honeymoon registries are even worse than asking for cash.  Guests think they are buying the couple a hangliding tour or whatever, but really they're giving cash.  With a percentage taken out by the honeymoon registry company.

    brielleinlove
  • FI and I got an invite to a wedding (that also listed his parents on the same invite...) stating "cash gifts preferred as we start our life together".  I was so offended by it, I didn't RSVP (yeah, I was that sort of B) and didn't send a gift.
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
  • In Response to Re:Cash in Lieu of Gifts... on Invitation?:
    In Response to Re:Cash in Lieu of Gifts... on Invitation?: What does listing his parents on the invite have to do with anything?
    Posted by StageManager14

    Instead of sending the invite seperately to the parents, they put 4 on one. 

    And to the OP, as the PP said, asking for cash is horribly rude.
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  • Don't do it. Seriously, nothing good will come of it.

    FI and I got an invite to a wedding that's happening a few weeks after ours. The invitation was very fancy and then when I untied the ribbon and read everything, not only is the reception a picnic on the lawn of the chuch (we are asked to bring our own lawn chairs and games), but inside there was also a small card that listed where the bride and groom were registered, if anyone was interested.

    I get that the couple getting married wanted something easy and relaxed, so while the whole picnic thing wasn't a big deal, the formality of the invitation it was printed on threw me off.

    The registry information just irked me. I get that not all brides want a shower, or are thrown one. However, the need to put the registry stuff in with the actual invite was super tacky to me. Others who have already received their invites are already talking about it.

    Also, I don't get the problem with the parents on the invitation. If they are hosting, shouldn't they be there? My parents are paying for a bulk of the wedding, including the reception. My invites say  "Mr. and Mrs. firstname lastname request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter..." 
  • Lol, good thing I never put that on my invitations! Mom wanted me to say "we are not registered at this time but will gratefully accept Home Depot or Cabelas gift cards to help renovate our home and fill our freezer". Disaster averted!

    Otherwise, I have nothing useful to say!

  • pkontkpkontk
    500 Comments
    member
    People know that cash is always an acceptable gift, and since gift information does not belong on wedding invitations, that is a double no.

    My FI really wants cash - we're saving for a down payment on a home.  He said we should find a web site where people can just directly send us money.  I said hell to the no, people will give us cash because they know to, or because they asked if we would prefer it to physical gifts. 
  • You shouldn't put it on the invite. Tell your parents that you're hoping for cash, and they can pass the word on if people want to know where you are registered.
  • It is rude to ask anyone for gifts or money... Always.
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  • bdehoopbdehoop
    First Comment
    member
    The ONLY time it is not rude is IF the bride or groom are in the military and are moving/getting deployed/stationed AFTER the wedding.  A tasteful request for cash in lieu of gifts due to expected military deployment is acceptable!  It is RUDE and thoughtless for invitees (assumed friends and family) to maliciously, purposefully give terrible gifts because they are offended.  Where's the grace?, the compassion? for a new couple starting out especially if they are moving soon due to military demands.  Military newlyweds NEED cash not crap to move when they are deployed/stationed.  Get over it! 
    Knottie924921
  • edited May 2013
    First of all, this thread is almost a year old. Secondly, there is no way to "tasteful" way to request cash. Everyone uses money, and everyone knows it is a great gift. It is never acceptable to ask for cash. It's never ok to include registry information in a wedding invite either, in case you were going to say "asking for stuff is no different".

    ETA: grammar
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  • In Response to Re:Cash in Lieu of Gifts... on Invitation?:
    FI and I got an invite to a wedding that also listed his parents on the same invite... stating quot;cash gifts preferred as we start our life togetherquot;.nbsp; I was so offended by it, I didn't RSVP yeah, I was that sort of B and didn't send a gift. Posted by annmarie714
    What does listing his parents on the invite have to do with anything?

    I think what she meant was they ALL got the same invite together..as in one invite for her AND her parents...
  • Amy9319 said:
    As I live with my husband to be, and we will be footing a portion of the wedding/honeymoon bill, we really do not want any of the traditional wedding gifts. We just don't have a need for them, whereas we do have a need for money.

    Do you think its rude to put a line "Cash in Lieu of Gifts" on the invitations?
    Yes, it's rude.  In fact, if I saw that, I'd probably buy you a gift from some random store that you couldn't return.  Oops, must've missed that part of the invitation, so sorry!
  • bdehoop said:
    The ONLY time it is not rude is IF the bride or groom are in the military and are moving/getting deployed/stationed AFTER the wedding.  A tasteful request for cash in lieu of gifts due to expected military deployment is acceptable!  It is RUDE and thoughtless for invitees (assumed friends and family) to maliciously, purposefully give terrible gifts because they are offended.  Where's the grace?, the compassion? for a new couple starting out especially if they are moving soon due to military demands.  Military newlyweds NEED cash not crap to move when they are deployed/stationed.  Get over it! 
    Still rude.  You can't dictate what people give.  The good news is, most people are probably aware of the deployment and would probably give cash anyways.
    FizzySipsimimbles
  • Don't say anything about gifts on or in the same envelop as the invite.  It is very rude.  You can put a reference to a wedding website or blog on the invite, expecially if looks nice or on a seperate small paper i.e. "For hotel and other information please see our wedding website <link>" A website is a more appropriate place to put links to registries or explanations about deployments or other special cases.  Remember that hopefully all of your guests love you enough to put a little effort into figuring out a useful gift for you, if that is what they want to do.
  • Jen4948Jen4948
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
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    Amy9319 said:
    As I live with my husband to be, and we will be footing a portion of the wedding/honeymoon bill, we really do not want any of the traditional wedding gifts. We just don't have a need for them, whereas we do have a need for money.

    Do you think its rude to put a line "Cash in Lieu of Gifts" on the invitations?
    Yes, very rude.  Regardless of what you need, it is not acceptable to "expect" your guests to give you gifts and try to pre-empt it-it comes off as very grabby.
  • Jen4948Jen4948
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    bdehoop said:
    The ONLY time it is not rude is IF the bride or groom are in the military and are moving/getting deployed/stationed AFTER the wedding.  A tasteful request for cash in lieu of gifts due to expected military deployment is acceptable!  It is RUDE and thoughtless for invitees (assumed friends and family) to maliciously, purposefully give terrible gifts because they are offended.  Where's the grace?, the compassion? for a new couple starting out especially if they are moving soon due to military demands.  Military newlyweds NEED cash not crap to move when they are deployed/stationed.  Get over it! 
    Sorry, but being in the military does not mitigate the rudeness of asking for gifts.  Military people need to find a way to deal with anything they are given, which can include discreetly donating it or otherwise disposing of it.  But telling others to "get over it" and not give them gifts is not acceptable.
    FizzySipsRetreadBridepolly212
  • bdehoop said:
    The ONLY time it is not rude is IF the bride or groom are in the military and are moving/getting deployed/stationed AFTER the wedding.  A tasteful request for cash in lieu of gifts due to expected military deployment is acceptable!  It is RUDE and thoughtless for invitees (assumed friends and family) to maliciously, purposefully give terrible gifts because they are offended.  Where's the grace?, the compassion? for a new couple starting out especially if they are moving soon due to military demands.  Military newlyweds NEED cash not crap to move when they are deployed/stationed.  Get over it! 
    No.
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    FizzySipsRetreadBrideimimbles
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