Black Tie or Cocktail Attire?

312boba

My fiance and I are wondering if it is more appropriate to have guests where cocktail attire i/o black tie since we will not be having a formal sit down dinner (having station/buffet style meal service).  Is it bad etiquette to invite guests with "black tie" if we are doing buffet dinner or does it not really matter???

alixzafiris

Definitely cocktail.

laurenclaire1386

I might be wrong on this, but black tie to me=seated dinner. I'd be like "wtf" if I bought a formal dress to go to a black tie wedding, then got to the reception and had to fix my own plate.

EmmaBride2B

I like buffets better than plated meals. That said, if you're having a buffet it shows you don't know what a true "black tie" event entails. So yeah, it would be bad etiquette, sorry.

goheels05

If you ask your guests to go black tie (tuxes and formal gowns), you need to pull out all the stops on your wedding--the best food, top shelf liquor, real champagne, etc.  If you have doubts on whether it is black tie, it probably isn't.

Just a warning, this has been a hot-button topic lately, so don't be surprised if the responses get heated.

ExpatPumpkin

Cocktail.  Black-tie means plated dinner, live music, passed hors d'oeuvres, premium open bar, elaborate decor, etc.  

sarah0725

If you are having guests wear black tie, which is expensive for them, everything about your wedding better be swanky as well: a fancy gown for you, wedding and reception in the evening, live band rather than DJ, really delicious food in a swanky hotel or country club setting, limos, engraved invitations, the whole nine yards. If that doesn't describe your wedding, then your wedding is not black tie.

Other people can probably explain it better, but all of the parts of your wedding need to be the same level of formality.

mocha beans

If you invite guests black tie, you should be sure that they are likely to have black tie attire.    If it's not common in your circle, I wouldn't do it.  Also, unless your venue has a specific dress code, it's generally frowned upon to dictate guests' attire in the first place.

PsyDet 2155

I think cocktail attire is better suited for what you've explained.

opalsky007

Don't take this the wrong, way, but a black-tie wedding is kind of a diick move unless most of your guests already own that sort of attire. It costs a lot to rent or buy formalwear, so unless you move in social circles where these types of event are common, you're basically charging people to come to your wedding.

Just let people decide what to wear themselves. You don't need to specify "cocktail attire" on the invitation either, they should take the hint from the formality of the invitation.

AmoroAgain

Black tie would be uh... a Platinum wedding.

This is definitely one of those questions where... if you have to ask, you already know the answer!

Also, you do NOT mention attire to guests except on a website as a "Hey, in case you're wondering" or unless it's mandatory for your venue.

tlv204

I've always wanted to go to a black tie event. Since I really doubt anyone I know can afford a black tie wedding, I guess we'll just have to get rich and go to fundraising events.  Confession: Really I just want an excuse to buy another formal gown.

I also like buffets better, but they generally are less formal, at least where things like dress is concerned.  What if a person spends $300 on a formal dress just for your wedding, then spills alfredo sauce all over it because of the buffet? I'm clumsy, it would happen.  At least if a waiter spills something on my expensive dress I can blame someone else

And ditto PP who said don't put anything about it on the invitation, people will dress correctly. 

aMrsin09

To me, a buffet would be semi-formal, a sit down dinner is formal, and as mentioned above, a black tie is platinum, top notch everything.

banana468

Ditto PPs.

What you want to plan isn't a black tie event.  Guests can be dressed in great cocktail attire depending on the time of the event, but this isn't black tie at all.

312boba

WOW!  Thanks to everyone who responded and for confirming what we were already thinking.  Your comments are much appreciated!