North Carolina

Honeymoon Registry

My FI and I have been "living in sin" for over two years now, and we bought a house together last year. We'll both be 30 by the time we get married (May 7th), and have accumulated a lot of stuff and household items.  We really don't need anything, so we decided not to register the traditional way.  We want to set up a honeymoon registry (we're going to Ireland and Scotland in September).  The way it works is people give "gifts" (i.e., money) to our travel agent towards our honeymoon.  He then in turn tells us who gave a "gift", but not how much they gave.

I have some older friends who expressed their dislike for the idea.  I understand how some might think it's tacky to give money, but I would never know how much.  Also, when you register for gifts at Target and people buy them for you, you know how much they spent.

(My FI's people think it's a great idea, but they're all from Boston, which is where he's from, and they give actual money in cards as gifts.)

So my question is this...As fellow Southern ladies, do you think it's taboo or tacky to have a honeymoon registry rather than a traditional registry?
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Re: Honeymoon Registry

  • NcsuPsychNcsuPsych member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    As a MOD, I'll try to stay neutral.
    With that said though, I've heard a lot of cons towards the registry because of the fact that you may not know exactly how much someone gave.  Apparently a lot of the sites that host these types of registries also take a portion of the 'donations' so you're really not getting the full bang for your buck. 

    Also, if you don't know how much someone gave you (or what they gave you), how will you be able to properly thank them for the gift?

    I won't say it's good or bad, but I will say, look into ALL of the little details and fine print prior to setting something like this up. If you'd like more information on them, I will recommend you swing by the 'gifts and registry' board. There's a sticky at the top of the forum that has some tidbits about it.


    My personal opinion on this: I wouldn't do it. As a guest, hypothetically, I wouldn't feel comfortable 'paying' for someone else's honeymoon. Especially since I haven't gone on my own yet. But everyone has their own opinions and different things work for different people.

    Good luck either way! :)
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  • uneek1323uneek1323 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    That was a great MOD answer!

    I'm not a MOD sooooo....

    Please don't do it. Are there household items you can upgrade? Also, you can make a small registry and hope that peole will end up giving you cash instead. But don't ask for cash towards a HM or a house.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think it's tacky. I also live with my FI, I cannot wait to register for new household things!!
  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm posting before reading the other responses.

    I hate honeymoon registries.  I think they're ridiculous.  It's like people are saying "please help send us on a vacation that we can't afford on our own, and that you probably couldn't afford either".  So yes, I think they're tacky.  People who want to give you money are going to do it whether you have a honeymoon registry or not. 

    It's not about knowing how much someone spent on you, it's about knowing that someone took the time to think of you and care enough to buy you a gift to celebrate your marriage.

    If there's really nothing you could use, then just don't have a registry. 
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for your opinions, Ladies.  I don't think I'll register in general.  I don't want to register just for the sake of registering. 
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  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think that's a good choice.  People will probably ask where you're registered, and some may still buy you a physical gift, but I bet many will get the hint that you don't need another blender or toaster.


  • jennieweaver1jennieweaver1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you don't want to register in general and have decided against doing a honeymoon registry (which I agree, can verge on the tacky side) You might consider offering the alternative of donating to a charity you and your FI may hold close to your heart. I think I heard on here somewhere of someone having guests drop pennies into the jar representing the charity of their choice, or something similar to that. Sorry that was vague, but maybe the person will read this and speak up! :) Just an idea.
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  • Beth0882Beth0882 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you don't register, be prepared to get gifts that are not in your taste at all and that you will end up taking back (if you can even figure out whre they came from).  A lot ofp eople don't like giving money, but also won't want to come to a wedding empty handed. 

    As for honeymoon registry, I would never feel wierd "buying" something off of one for someone's wedding.  IF they would rather have a wonderful honeymoon than lots of material stuff, who am I to say that is wrong?  I really don't see how its tacky.  If a honeymoon registry is tacky, I feel that a regular registry saying "buy me stuff" is just as tacky.   BUT I am from Colorado, not the "south" so that may be the "cultural differences" showing.  Also, DH and I don't really buy each other presents for special occasions -- we go out and do something fun, because we like to gather "experiences" rather than "stuff", so that may also be influencing my perception of the honeymoon registry.

    My best friend had 2 registries-one honeymoon, one traditional, so people could choose. 
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  • edited December 2011
    This is a really interesting thread.  my FI and I are in the same boat - have the house & all the fixin's already and don't want to upgrade a lot of stuff because 1) Our current stuff works just fine and 2) I'd feel awful throwing out the stuff that we spent our hard earned money on to buy in the first place. So we too have discussed the HM registry.

    I've only asked one friend about the idea and she actually really liked it. But I can see both sides of issue and agree that you're essentially asking for money and that's tacky.

    As Beth said above - What about offering two registries; one from someplace classic like Macy's and a second for the HM?  That way, if my guests think the HM registry is tacky, they've got another choice and don't have to do something they don't agree with. I kind of see it as a generational issue where my younger friends would support the HM registry but my older relatives would rather go the traditional route.

    Thoughts? I think this is a really interesting discussion of everyone's opinions!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_honeymoon-registry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:5047807c-e6db-4ee9-93a6-547613dacfaaPost:5f975c2b-5f16-4c5d-953b-034edbdf55b6">Re: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is a really interesting thread.  my FI and I are in the same boat - have the house & all the fixin's already and don't want to upgrade a lot of stuff because 1) Our current stuff works just fine and 2) I'd feel awful throwing out the stuff that we spent our hard earned money on to buy in the first place. So we too have discussed the HM registry. I've only asked one friend about the idea and she actually really liked it. But I can see both sides of issue and agree that you're essentially asking for money and that's tacky. As Beth said above - What about offering two registries; one from someplace classic like Macy's and a second for the HM?  That way, if my guests think the HM registry is tacky, they've got another choice and don't have to do something they don't agree with.<strong> I kind of see it as a generational issue where my younger friends would support the HM registry but my older relatives would rather go the traditional route</strong>. Thoughts? I think this is a really interesting discussion of everyone's opinions!
    Posted by HillShmill[/QUOTE]
    I have friends who are older than I am and some younger, and I have found  that to be pretty accurate.  I like the idea of having two registries.  That way people can choose.  I am still unsure which to do or if I should do both.  I need to go ahead and decide though, I only have two more months.
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  • NcsuPsychNcsuPsych member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I would honestly not do the honeymoon register. As stated above by pp's, you could end up losing $ this way because of 'fees' that could be invovled. I would really just do one small registry and leave it at that. 

    But that's just my opinion :)
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  • edited December 2011
    My fiance and I have already registered our honeymoon. We are in the same situation as you. We have a house together and it's completely furnished. We are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves and therefore decided to register our honeymoon. (we're going on a cruise) We have only heard good things from our family and friends about the idea....however, we are having a small wedding with only close friends and family. Therefore, they understand our situation and may be more open to the idea of giving a gift towards your honeymoon.
    However, it's not just a giant money pool they're giving to. You can select things that you want to do on your honeymoon, such as swimming with dolphins or a couples' massage. Then people can give gifts towards certain items.

    I do advise if you go with registering your honeymoon though, you learn from us. Be sure to call and talk to them about exactly when and how you can use the money you were given. We were planning on using the gift money to pay directly for the cruise...but as it turns out, we can't touch the money until we are actually on the cruise...meaning we have had to pay for everything upfront first. Then we'll get cruise ship dollars on the ship and a big check at the end from whatever we didn't use.

    Hope that helps! Good luck!
  • alliegator8alliegator8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know I am the odd ball out here, but my husband and I did a honeyfund, and it went over really well!  Our family and friends loved it.  They would write little messages with it. For example, our friend purchased part of our car rental and wrote zoom zoom to your future together! 

    We had been living together 2 years before we got married and had a lot of stuff already.  We set up two registries: 1 at bed, bath, and beyond for those who wanted to get us something and 1 with honeyfund.  To be honest, most people either gave us a check or a honeyfund contribution.  We ended up having to go buy most of the stuff off our BB&B registry after the wedding.  We didn't have a lot on it to begin with.  I was not about to ask for new silverwear when the nice set I have works just fine.  I didn't want to feel like someone's gift was going to waste.

    I think most people were going to give us money anyway, and this was an easy way to do that while still feeling like they were giving us a gift.  I think if you are interested in doing it, set up 2 registries.  If someone doesn't like the idea of doing a honeymoon fund, then they can get you a gift off another registry.

    We used Honeyfund and really liked it. They don't take a % of the gift.  you can see our honeyfund page: http://www.honeyfund.com/wedding/alysonandnathan
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