New Jersey

Tuxedo prices/locations/Family Drama!

Hey Jersey girls,

I posted awhile ago about propper tuxedo ettiquette and now how some follow up and want some opinions. My fiance and I decided that my dad and his step father (who has been in his life since he was 12) should wear the same tuxedos as the wedding party. My mom is recently remarried and we decided he would wear a different suit/tuxedo then the wedding party.  My mom was upset by this and thought he should wear the same thing.    Last night we called my fiances step father and he does not want to wear the same tuxedo as the wedding party. He doesn't want to pay the money for it and would rather wear a business suit. My fiance got really upset by being rejected from him.

What are your thoughts?
What's wrong and right?

Also we have a price of about $140/tuxedo and a free one for the groom from Tuxedo Den in Howell.

Any thoughts on that? How's that price?

Thanks!

Emily

Re: Tuxedo prices/locations/Family Drama!

  • mbcdefgmbcdefg
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    I think you would save yourself a lot of unnecessary drama if you just stop telling the dads what to wear. They're not a part of the wedding party, so technically you don't have the right to tell them that they have to wear tuxes, or that they have to wear certain colors or styles.

    Business suits are fine. Unless someone takes a second look, a nice black business suit doesn't look all that much different from a basic tux, anyway. I think that your FI feeling like he was "rejected" over this is a bit overdramatic on his part ... maybe the step-father just feels more comfortable in his own suit, and/or doesn't see the point in paying money for a tux when he has a perfectly good suit in his closet already. I can see my own FFIL saying the same thing when we start thinking about tuxes.

    Just tell the dads, "FI and the groomsmen are wearing [style, color] and they're getting them from [store] for [price]. If you want to reserve a tux there as well, you're welcome to do so, otherwise just wear whatever you'd like." That way, they have an idea of the color scheme and the overall formality, and I assume that their wives/significant others can also help them out if they're clueless.

    Most adults will be smart enough to realize that the formality of the occasion calls for either a tux or a nice suit, so I doubt that you saying, "Wear what you want" will mean that they show up in jeans or something. So just leave it up to them, stop trying to dress them, and you'll save yourself a giant headache and the fighting.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Interesting...

    Want to add that my men are all wearing tan - thus the dads wearing black business suits WILL look a bit off. But I do hear what your saying.
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011

    Ah, well that makes a bit of difference then :) I thought you were talking about black tuxes.

    Still, I think there's only so far you can go with suggesting attire to parents without crossing into Bridezilla territory. Again, they're not really part of the wedding party, so you can't dictate what they wear.

    The best you can do is tell them what the groom and GMs are wearing, provide info for them to order similar clothes if they wish, and then leave it up to them. Maybe suggest that maybe they wear a tan or grey business suit that they already own.
     
    But in the end, if the step-dad ends up wearing a black suit, it won't be the end of the world. I get being frustrated that he won't just go with the flow, but IMO it's not something to fight over. It's not like he'll be in every single photo, and even if he's in a bunch who cares? The important thing is that he's there celebrating with you, and plus at least he's in a suit (as opposed to showing up in the aforementioned jeans Laughing)


    BTW, are they really tan "tuxes"? Or nice tan suits?

    image
  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl
    2500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Hmm... I would say that as long as his attire matches the formality of the event, it is fine that he's different.  In fact, I think it is almost better that he's different if the boys are wearing untraditional tuxes?  An older man may look strange in a tan tuxedo.  The mothers of the bride/groom don't have to (and in fact shouldn't) look anything like the bride or the bridesmaids, so I don't know why it would be different for the men.  

    I think it is fair to push him to wear a tux if you think he'll look too informal in a traditional suit -- but I would let him pick a more traditional tux if he wants, and if you do push for this  you should offer to pay to keep the peace (just like you would if you were forcing your bridesmaids to get their hair done).
    image
  • edited December 2011
    I guess a follow up question then is, my dad who is walking me down the aisle - he would then be the only one in the tan tuxedo.  Now is it weird since the other dad isn't wearing it? Or is it still ok?

    It is a tuxedo :)  Not a suit!
  • edited December 2011
    Can you post the pic of a tan tuxedo?  I've never seen one before.
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    I really don't think people are going to care.
    image
  • edited December 2011

    i def do not think there is anything wrong requesting your father and fil to wear certain tuxes.  i know that we did~ the dad's wore a slightly different vest and tie.  your wedding is a formal affair and in my eyes, i think parnets of the bride and groom should stand out from the guests. 

  • edited December 2011
    I felt that way too Erika, that's why it was like shocking to be rejected on the request.
  • edited December 2011
    i was thinking that maybe the dad's can wear the standard tux to cut down on the cost and jazz it up with a nice vest/tie combo.
  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl
    2500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable in a tan tux.  I could see an older man not liking that look on himself.  I'd negotiate for traditional tux.  And offer to pay if you're going to try to force him to wear one.
    image
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Tuxedo prices/locations/Family Drama!:
    i def do not think there is anything wrong requesting your father and fil to wear certain tuxes.  i know that we did~ the dad's wore a slightly different vest and tie.  your wedding is a formal affair and in my eyes, i think parnets of the bride and groom should stand out from the guests. 
    Posted by erikag23
    I don't think it's wrong to suggest specific outfits or even say something like, "We'd really like it if you wore X." But if the parents say no, then IMO it's bridezilla to keep insisting on it.

    I mean, that's assuming that they're going to be wearing something nice. If they wanted to show up to a fancy wedding in overalls and chewing on a piece of hay, then I could understand putting your foot down.
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards