opinions ~ civil ceremony this year and traditional wedding next year?

irishangel0413

ok so as some of you may or may not know - FH's dad was diagnosed with lung cancer back in August. We toyed with the idea of moving the wedding up at that point, but decided to leave everything alone as he was having surgery to remove part of his lung on Sept 6 and we did not know what the prognosis would be ..... fast forward to present ~ he has stage 3A lung cancer and they removed 2/3 of his right lung. Since the surgery, he has not been able to bounce back very well so the doctors have done a bunch of tests and we just found out he has a sizeable tumor on his liver. The prognosis is not very good - FH and I want him to be there for our wedding, but rather than trying to move everything up for the big ceremony/reception that none of us would probably enjoy at this point, we were thinking about having a civil ceremony this year on Nov 24 (yes we know it is Thanksgiving but we are hoping we can pull a few strings in town since the ceremony would be quick) and use the Thanksgiving holiday to celebrate with immediate family and keep the church ceremony and reception as planned for Nov 24, 2012 so our celebration would be on our 1 year anniversary ............ opinions and thoughts??????????

NJhousewife22

It's a tough call for sure. If it were me, I think I would just try to fit as much of the weding elements I could/wanted for the 2012 date into the November 24  date and forego a 2012 fullout wedding event. I know you said you didn't feel anyone would enjoy it now, but I think people WOULD like something to celebrate and it would make it even more special knowing FI dad was there.

 I dont' think I'd do a 2012 event as well thoughI think all I would think about on that day was why my dad wasn't there and not truly enjoy it.

So sorry for the situation. Hugs to you and FI for sure.

JoBell123

So sorry you're in this situation.  While I usually am not in favor of the "get married quietly then have a big wedding later" this is a different story.

I say do it, but have a vow renewal next year with the party.  And advertise it as a 1 year anniversary/vow renewal.  True, it's not an actual wedding, but I think people will understand.

My cousin eloped for some strange reason and my aunt threw her a party to celebrate about 8 months later.  She didn't wear a bridal gown or anything, but everyone knew they had gotten married previously and were still there to have fun and had a good time.

eleven29

I would definitely do it - small family thing this year, and big party as planned next year.  But as PPs said, "advertise" it next year as a vow-renewal, NOT a wedding, as you will already be married.  Hugs to you and your family!

DoubleAS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_opinions-civil-ceremony-this-year-traditional-wedding-next-year?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:da559b30-eb3f-4b5a-9840-ca7a57d0c0d5Post:13772b11-fc53-4952-9575-838419220384">Re: opinions ~ civil ceremony this year and traditional wedding next year?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>So sorry you're in this situation.  While I usually am not in favor of the "get married quietly then have a big wedding later" this is a different story.</strong>
Posted by JoBell123[/QUOTE]

This... I typically loathe the idea but this is a <strong>totally</strong> different scenario.  I am sorry that you're in a bind.  Good luck, I am sure you both will make the right call.

mbcdefg

Sorry about FFIL.

I would talk to your priest. You probably can't do an actual wedding ceremony if you're already civilly married, but you can do a convalidation ceremony that legitimizes your marriage in the eyes of the Church. Explain the situation to your priest and see what he can do ... perhaps he will even marry you in a small ceremony with your FFIL present, and then do a bigger convalidation ceremony on your original date.