Toasts??

guamibear

We plan on having our MOH and Best Man make toasts during the reception. We would like to say thank you to our families and friends before we cut the cake. 

Do both the Bride and groom speak at this point? Or is it one or the other? I'm not sure what the etiquette is here.

Thanks!

smokeybailey

I don't think you can go wrong either way.  You can thank your guests at any point.  However, keep in mind that it IS poor etiquette to "plan to have" your MOH and BM make a toast.  If they choose to make a toast then fine but you can't really force them to.

aerinpegadrak

We made our own toast after the BM and MOH spoke.  But ditto smokey that toasts aren't really something you assign.  We never talked to our honor attendants about the toast.

guamibear

Thanks! This is helpful.

Just to clarify, both the MOH and best man have agreed to make toasts at the reception alread. We made a point to ask in the event they might want to opt out or have time to prepare something. When I've been asked to make a toast at other weddings, I appreciated the heads up so I could think about what I'd like to say to the couple. It was also an honor to me to know that I was even considered to be someone to toast in their weddings.

smokeybailey

Hmmmmm, I was never asked, I just let them know that I was planning to do it.  My sister has already let me know that she won't be doing one at my wedding and one of my girlfriends said that she would like to.  If someone is giving you a heads up that they expect it, then they are asking you to do it.  A toast is given not requested.

It doesn't matter now, but it really is not good etiquette to inform someone that they will or to ask them to do a toast on your behalf.

guamibear

I disagree with that.  When I was asked about toasting, it was an offer on whether or not I would like to speak, but there was no pressure or implication that if I didn't there would be any ill feelings. There was a specific discussion to let me know that if I'd like to speak, the couple would be honored but it's by no means a requirement. I was happy to be asked, because I was close to them, but unsure if it was ok to volunteer or insist that I speak at their reception.

This was what my fiance and I did as well with our MOH and Best Man. It was an offer that the mic was open to them, but no pressure if they didn't want to or didn't feel comfortable talking in front of a group. I truly wouldn't have felt upset about them declining if they wanted.

junebug61103

My MOH & BM are both giving a toast. I asked them if they would like to and they both were already planning on giving one so I guess it worked out. I havent said anything to my dad & stepmom or FILs...I guess I should find out if they were planning on it or if they knew they were welcome to. And as far as us...Im prolly gonna have to leave that up to FI...I cried when I gave my speech as class secretary at my high school graduation so Im sure Ill be in no position.

And as far as wedding etiquette goes....sheeesh...i know nothing. Im kinda doing it alone (along with this board & theknot.com of course). I never realized how many wedding dos and donts there are. The way I see it (and this is JUST IMO only) things have changed since the "rules" were made...I think theres a little more wiggle room now!

smokeybailey

I don't see how anything has changed.  One doesn't ask another to honor or toast him.  It is up to the person to volunteer.  It's not that you are pressuring them; it's more that you are, in essence, saying, "Hey, are you planning on telling people how great fi and me are at our wedding?"  That's what makes it bad etiquette. 

If you feel that is outdated, then by all means have at it.  I'm sure your friends were not offended at all.  However, some people aren't offended by registry cards in a wedding invitation but that is considered to be bad etiquette as well.

junebug61103

Our DJ is having us fill out a form on the basics...1st dance song, grand entrances and there is a spot asking if there are going to be toasts made. Im not going to write.."Bad etiquette to ask, so we'll see". So I asked if they were planning on it and they both were already planning on it. Maybe im wrong but I really don't see why asking ahead of time if someone plans on doing a toast is bad etiquette. I think its more polite so that person knows they are welcome to give one and prepare themselves.

I also didnt have an inner envelope in our invites and we will be seeing each other before the ceramony. I meant it as things have changed in general, the way you plan and "execute" a wedding.

MVJP10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_toasts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:a9ecf1b7-a302-476b-9e61-e9ba295a3a66Post:e22cdeb9-79d3-425b-9688-2ad941967763">Re: Toasts??</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>And as far as wedding etiquette goes....sheeesh...i know nothing.</strong> Im kinda doing it alone (along with this board & theknot.com of course). I never realized how many wedding dos and donts there are. <strong>The way I see it (and this is JUST IMO only) things have changed since the "rules" were made...I think theres a little more wiggle room now!
</strong>Posted by junebug61103[/QUOTE]

Etiquette doesn't really change. Customs, traditions, etc change. There are things that are found to be more socially acceptible (such as honeymoon registries lol) than they once were, but etiquette has remained tried and true over the years.