non participating bridal party

IdoIdo2014

First I will apologize for this being long, any typos, etc, I'm on my nook, the touchpad has a mind of its own! Lol

My wedding is in March 2014 and while yes it is a while away, however each month is very crucial to the planning and purchasing of items for the wedding. We have a fairly tight budget but if its broken down over time, we can pull everything together.

My mother passed away in 2006 and my dad lives three hours away, fiance works two jobs, i work, so needless to say I am kind of on my own here. Fiance helps in his spare time but, i was counting on my bridal party. It seems like no one wants to do anything. Ive even emailed them asking if they still want to participate bc it seems like they are all busy, everyone is still in. I understand that everyone has a life outside of my wedding, im just asking for a little help once in awhile,shoot, even pretend to be a little excited. Its getting to a point where i dont want to plan anymore and am not excited about any of this. I dont mean to sound like im whining, ijust needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

hyechica81

i would take a few minutes to take a breather  my wedding is in june of 2014 planning can be stressfull only 3 of my brides mades live in ct my sister Moh and  2 of my cousins the rest of them all live in pa and one lives in ca.  i am going to have a wicked time trying to get people together to dress shop my plan is to go with my sister someplace and the 2 local cousins try on dresses find 4 dresses desingers that we like, send an email out to each bridesmade with the designers style numbers, have them go to a local place that has everything, and then see what they think and then narrow it down.  

i would give your bridesmades a little break did you pick out dresses yet, if not make it a fun day get together to dress shop be mindfull of the budget of everyone don't get to crazy with expensive dresses, find out what everyone can afford and go from there. if the majorty of people can dish out up to 150 stay in that range remember they also have to buy shoes, get their hair done and other stuff.  maybe all go out after the shopping to get your toes done go to a nice inexpensive resturant for appz and drinks 

have u got your dress yet people tell me its to early to get a dress but i am a planner and i have started looking, but found nothing i loved. 

find a day you and ur fiance can just spend together planning your wedding, 

i have my venue and i got this package deal that includes cake dj and centerpeices for 86 a person including tax and tip 

IdoIdo2014

Hey! Thanks for replying : well lets see here... I've several attempts to try to get them together, that was a bust, im buying one og their dresses bc she is making our cake, I'm a relatively cheap person so I've tried to keep it within reason. Their gift is their hair and makeup and jewelry. I haven't found my dress yet. I really dont want to go alone and fiance doesnt want to see the dress. Im a planner too...Im just doing what i can by myself at this point. Our venue is so pretty! It is 250 forthewhole day and is at a state park. It has a gorgeous lake by the area we are getting married at. It even come with tables, chairs, the lodge has a full kitchen heating and ac, restrooms, its so rustic and romantic! I love it! Id love to spend a day with the girls that are lical and do dress shopping but its just a mess.sigh

NinaTony

It is still early.  I found most people in the my bridal party weren't really interested in the wedding until about 6 months before.  I would take care of the important things first like finding a venue, photographer, and other things that are most important to you that book up fast.  Do this with your FI, if you can.   I'm sure once it gets closer to the wedding, people will start to step up.  Don't stress too much, a lot can change in a year and a half.  Also, most people want to participate they just don't know how.  Tell them exactly what you need their help with.   And give them a time frame.  For example, tell them in November you would like to have a girls day to to go dress shopping.  I think this will make them more excited about your big day.  Lastly, tell them how you feel.  They may not even be aware of your feelings.  

Good Luck!

HeadsGal

What exactly are you expecting your party to do at this point? 

I agree with above advice, plan a 'girl date' and do something fun.  Use it as an opportunity to talk about everyone's budgets, set up dates and timelines while everyone (and their calender) is together (dress shopping, favor making, whatever you have on your to-do list)  clue them in on where you are in your planning and what you need from them, and why it is so important to you to be pro-active now even though the date is far off.

Good luck

rkw0717

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_non-participating-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:02888b19-2020-4617-953a-c9bb04a36c41Post:6ba6b258-a656-4cb9-812b-eb8f444c638e">Re: non participating bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]i would take a few minutes to take a breather  my wedding is in june of 2014 planning can be stressfull only 3 of my brides mades live in ct my sister Moh and  2 of my cousins the rest of them all live in pa and one lives in ca.  i am going to have a wicked time trying to get people together to dress shop my plan is to go with my sister someplace and the 2 local cousins try on dresses find 4 dresses desingers that we like, send an email out to each bridesmade with the designers style numbers, have them go to a local place that has everything, and then see what they think and then narrow it down.   i would give your bridesmades a little break did you pick out dresses yet, if not make it a fun day get together to dress shop be mindfull of the budget of everyone don't get to crazy with expensive dresses, find out what everyone can afford and go from there. if the majorty of people can dish out up to 150 stay in that range remember they also have to buy shoes, get their hair done and other stuff.  maybe all go out after the shopping to get your toes done go to a nice inexpensive resturant for appz and drinks  have u got your dress yet people tell me its to early to get a dress but i am a planner and i have started looking, but found nothing i loved.  find a day you and ur fiance can just spend together planning your wedding,  i have my venue and i got this package deal that includes cake dj and centerpeices for 86 a person including tax and tip 
Posted by hyechica81[/QUOTE]

I am in a similiar situation with my MOH. Long story short, she went MIA pretty much ever since she accepted and the other 2 BM's have offered/help way more than she has. Picking out dresses was a nightmare (she didn't care what I liked/wanted if it wasn't something she liked and didn't think looked good on her) not to mention I had been lied to about weekends she was telling me she would be doing one thing (visiting her sick mom) and then tagged at the lake.

My wedding is in 19 days and I've planned and completed everything from start to finish on my own. I did hire a day of coordinator who will be helping me with setting everything up and the rehearsal/day of. My advice is to rely on no one but yourself. If you want certain things for your wedding then make it happen! You don't need anyone's help (although it is nice) but if there are truly some things you want for you wedding then do it and DO NOT rely on anyone to help you. Plan as though you are doing everything by yourself, so if it does end up being that way, you will have been prepared from the start. I know it's frustrating, I wasted several months earlier this year on wedding planning because MOH said she would help me and never did. I have managed to get everything done I wanted and that she was supposed to help with, but stressed out and rushed on some things since I had wasted valuable time waiting on her.

Communication with your bridal party is key and if they help you and everything works out then great! If not, plan as though you were doing it all yourself that way you can guarantee things get done. It's a stressful time as you well know, and not worth completely stressing yourself out over the BP/certain members not helping out. While frustrating, you have an amazing wedding to plan and other details to be stressing over instead. Best of luck to your for an awesome wedding!

tiffielynn91

My FI and i got engaged January of 2011 and set our date for october of 2012. no one has really pitched in till the last month or so and we are a little over 4 months out from the wedding. like other people said dont stress get your venue photographer. pick colors. do all that stuff you know the big things then decide on smaller things like your dress their dresses. center pieces. search for cool photos and give them to your photographer for ideas for engagment and wedding photos. find your under garmets. there are millions of things you can do by yourself. just keep a positive attitude. 

I understand that this process is harder because your mom isnt here, i lost my best friend 3 years ago and it makes the planning process much harder. just take it slow pick one thing to do in the month and get it done. like say ok this month im going to pick our limo/ transportation and just focus on that. 

i hope this helps. keep your head up and dont stress and if you feel like not planning then dont just enjoy being engaged because trust me it goes way to fast

Kate61487

Planning the wedding isn't your BPs problem, it's yours.  If you're already feeling burnt out with a year and 8 months to go then you're probably over-doing it, big time.  You FI should be helping you pick and book your major vendors (venue, caterer, florist, photographer, and dj).  Anything beyond that is extra, especially this far out.

I agree that a girls day is a nice idea, but don't talk about your wedding AT ALL.  You should not even THINK about picking BMs dresses for another year.  Girls can gain or lose weight; gain or lose a job, etc.  Do you realize how long a year and 8 months is?  They could potentially get pregnant and have TWO children before your wedding.

Step back from the wedding planning and remember that these girls are your FRIENDS.  What's going on in their lives? have you asked recently?  Take some time with your girls as an opportunity to step back from wedding planning and forget about it for a few hours.  You can't plan your wedding 24/7 for the next 1.5 years or you'll go nuts.

msuprincess04

I agree with the above. Walk away from the planning for a while. A long while. Stop talking about the wedding. It's two years away. And while you are excited, no one else really cares about a party two years away. It's just the way it is. Your FI needs to help you with things if you can't handle it alone. It's his wedding too. It's NOT your BMs wedding. Remember that. They are your friends you invited to share your day, not put to work for two years. It doesn't work that way.

As for getting them together for dresses, they need to order their dress only about 6 months before the event. So they've got at least a year before they have to care about that too. They could lose weight, gain weight, get pregnant, have a baby, lose an arm in a fishing accident. Anything could happen that could dramatically change their bodies over two years. So, I can see why they aren't intersted.

As for your wedding dress, ask someone else to go with you. You can ask anyone, not just a BM if you don't want to go alone. But, there's something to be said for going alone, you don't have to deal with anyone else's opinion. It's just you, what makes you feel beautiful.

Stop trying to host BM get togethers and events. Again, just leave them out of it for the next year. If they offer help or ask what's new with it, then great, tell them all about it. Till then, just do what you did BEFORE you got engaged. Hang out, chit chat, and be a friend. They'll return it.

cinderellasjc

I agree with PP.  you should try to do the things you can do by yourself now.  We got engaged with 15 months to plan, and we booked the big stuff together around the 13 month mark.  We picked stuff up along the way, but now is the first time my bridal party has seemed the least bit interested, and that is at the 2.5 mark.  You want them to enjoy the process as much as you are, and they won't if they are planning for over a year. 

things like your venue, florist, cake, dj., photographer,etc are things you and your FI should be doing.... not the bridal party. 

It is a very stressful time.... planning a wedding, but if you space things out, and breathe.... you will be fine!!! some of the girls on here have given me the best advice while planning!!! don't be afraid to ask for suggestions.  Good Luck!!!

anglyn

Do you have have any other friends/relatives that can help? I had some friends that lived closer that really wanted to help. They weren't in the bridal party but they helped just as much. You don't have to be limited to just the bridal party. 

IdoIdo2014

Well a little update, i again reached out the girls and explained them how i was feeling and also to my hubby to be...i explained that i could not do this aline and would love everyone to be included. Im not asking for them to plan the wedding, i just need help with certain projects that are to large for one person. So a few girls said that hadnt realized that i was hurting so much without my mom and they said that was a huge bonding moment from the start for them. They told me that they will be my "mom" through all of this and infact this friday two girls are coming over to have some wine and divulge into some bridal mags to see what i like for ideas! Plus some bride day on tlc lol