That one friend...

queenofhearts481

Ok, I have this friend I've known about six years, and I'm hands-down the best friend she's got- she's not necessarily mine.  And while I love her, she's crazy jealous of my other girlfriends.  When I decided on my bridal party, she didn't make the cut, and now she's throwing a huge fit, threatening to get up during the ceremony and "take her rightful place" as my maid of honor.  Not only would that really tick me off, but it would be incredibly offensive to my MoH.  This chick really will make a huge scene, and the worst part is that I wasn't even INVITED to her wedding, or even told that she was getting married!  I'm seriously considering asking her to not to attend. 

How can I handle this diplomatically and still save the friendship?

entropicbeauty

This sort of sounds like MUD, buuuut....if you really don't consider her a good friend, ask yourself if you even want her there. If you want her there then you should sit down with her and explain how hurt you would be if she were to make a scene.

As many on the boards have said, weddings are not tit for tat, so just because you weren't invited to hers doesn't mean you need to intentionally exclude her from yours because of that. You should invite anyone and everyone who you sincerely want to be there to witness your marriage.

dumdumfroggie

Have you sent her an STD or told her she was invited yet?  If you have, you have to invite her, unless you're wanting to completely end the friendship.

Personally, I'd ignore her.  It would take some major cajones to storm the altar and I doubt she'd do it unless shes's BSC.

SunriseAmber

Wow. I agree that this kind of sounds like MUD. But in case it isn't -

I wouldn't trust her not to make a scene. Has she had irrational behaivor like this in the past? Do you think she would REALLY stand up by you during your wedding when you've asked her not to? Then if you think that she woul do any of these things or has a past of being BSC then I would uninvite her. I might get flammed for this but it's my opinion.

And if you uninvite her then there probably won't be a friendship after the fact.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]I'm hands-down the best friend she's got... I wasn't even INVITED to her wedding, or even told that she was getting married! 
Posted by queenofhearts481[/QUOTE]

<div>Say what?</div><div>
</div><div>My inclination is that someone who threatens to do that is not my friend, and doesn't get an invite, STDs be hanged.  Now may also be the time to find out if your venue has security or staff who could escort her out, or to arrange for such staff if necessary.</div>

bruna29

Well, you're not getting married until November. So I would give her some time to cool off away from you. 

You shouldn't have even sent STDs yet, and you definitely shouldn't have sent invites. If you verbally told her she was invited, then you're stuck, but if you haven't then just don't invite her to the wedding.

I agree with dumdumfroggie and think you should just ignore her for now. She'll take some time to cool down and will probably get over it.

ashleyvanderhoof

Ok ladies, I'm fairly new to TK boards and I've never used any other boards. What the heck is MUD?!

bruna29

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_one-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:053d9336-d083-49c1-ab05-54b5b37d1e3dPost:c6b4405a-fe16-4032-bd21-0e8510d88139">Re: That one friend...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok ladies, I'm fairly new to TK boards and I've never used any other boards. What the heck is MUD?!
Posted by ashleyvanderhoof[/QUOTE]
MUD = Made Up Drama

amandamarielynn

I don't care who it is, someone's wedding is supposed to be about those two people. Not anyone else's BS dramas. Here's a tip- YOU'RE NOT THE BEST FRIEND SHE'S GOT. If you WERE, then she would have invited you to HER wedding. As far as her threatening to make a huge scene, not only uninvite her, but make sure every security person has a photo of her so they know who to throw out when they show up. I don't care if she was invited and Save-the-Dates sent. Drama is rampant enough in weddings, you don't need BSC Sally showing up to crap on your cake (as they say where I'm from).

I won't lie to you, it's hard... I have a family member I get along really well with (despite our differences) known for turning EVERYTHING into a gay pride protest. I'm very religious and my religious community will be there. While *I* love him and find some of his shenanigans for what they are (just trying to be funny half the time), others will probably take offense and start picking fights. So, while he's going to go to brunch with us the day after the reception, he's not coming to the wedding or the reception. He was mad as Hell at first, but after a week he understood why. And he admits that he can't control himself sometimes.

DrymallaWedding

Oh good lord....

bruna29

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_one-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:053d9336-d083-49c1-ab05-54b5b37d1e3dPost:f740e57b-d86b-488d-a5b6-294cbaed3bab">Re: That one friend...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't care who it is, someone's wedding is supposed to be about those two people. Not anyone else's BS dramas. Here's a tip- YOU'RE NOT THE BEST FRIEND SHE'S GOT. If you WERE, then she would have invited you to HER wedding. As far as her threatening to make a huge scene, not only uninvite her, but make sure every security person has a photo of her so they know who to throw out when they show up. I don't care if she was invited and Save-the-Dates sent. Drama is rampant enough in weddings, you don't need BSC Sally showing up to crap on your cake (as they say where I'm from). I won't lie to you, it's hard... I have a family member I get along really well with (despite our differences) known for turning EVERYTHING into a gay pride protest. I'm very religious and my religious community will be there. While *I* love him and find some of his shenanigans for what they are (just trying to be funny half the time), others will probably take offense and start picking fights. So, while he's going to go to brunch with us the day after the reception, he's not coming to the wedding or the reception. He was mad as Hell at first, but after a week he understood why. And he admits that he can't control himself sometimes.
Posted by amandamarielynn[/QUOTE]
This is terrible advice. Do not listen to this, OP.

tiffielynn91

Ok WOW. This sounds like one of the girls i was friends with since kindergarten and she didnt make the cut for my bridal party, due to some recent events , and the threw a fit because she wasnt my MOH. Right now i would just ignor her and give her time to cool off shes just upset that she isnt in the bridal party. if her threats are real and she does try to make a scene at the wedding there will be plenty of people there who will not let this happen. make the ushers aware of the issue and if the does make a scene they will be there to fix it. Dont worry just enjoy your day and let the meaingless drauma go. 

Jandiloks

She's not a true friend if she's willing to ruin your special day. Give her some time to cool off and maybe she'll come around. If not, you may wanna tell her she's not welcome if she's willing to sabotage your friendship in that petty manner. 

amandamarielynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_one-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:053d9336-d083-49c1-ab05-54b5b37d1e3dPost:9b79abf0-443d-4def-8c15-5ad0fcc10780">Re: That one friend...</a>:
[QUOTE]AmandaMarieLynn: How is uninviting her and having security toss her not creating drama? OP: If you've already invited her, you're stuck, but I would put the ushers on notice. If she does create a scene at the ceremony, they can *kindly* escort her out. Chances are she's just being dramatic and won't actually cause a scene. Most people like this are all talk.
Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]

Considering most security starts AT THE DOOR... If she is forced to remain OUTSIDE then there is no drama INSIDE.

You people may think I gave terrible advice, but doing anything less has led to disaster in other friends' weddings. And the one person I've seen actually follow that lead... Beautiful wedding, no drama, crazy chick tried to get in and failed leading to her BS drama being kept off ELSEWHERE.

Just because something sounds "mean" or "insensitive" to someone's feelings doesn't make it wrong. Welcome to life.

amandamarielynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_one-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:053d9336-d083-49c1-ab05-54b5b37d1e3dPost:ff40b44e-7120-485f-a718-28f4ec0d9fd8">Re: That one friend...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: That one friend... : This is terrible advice. Do not listen to this, OP.
Posted by justdance93[/QUOTE]

Feel free to think it's terrible advice but of all the times I've seen this situation, it's the only one that's worked.

prettyfacegal

I would tell her that she is invited, BUT any rudeness or public  ouburst would not be tolerated and that security or ushers would politely escort her out of the ceremony or receptions. Just let her know on the front end. Let her be the BIG girl and decide nd you just give her  little help.