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Happy Tuesday

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Re: Happy Tuesday

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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:115826d7-f792-4200-981b-06d7953d679f">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : but I also really appreciate that he respects his mom and is so close to her... so i guess it is a trade off.  right?
    Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, that's definitely where I'm stuck. I know he loves her and I'm glad that she has him to rely on because lord knows no one else in their house is going to step up, but it bothers me because I just worry about what's gonna happen when we move out and he has to start building his own life as opposed to living his mother's.
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    km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:894a4fb1-84ec-40d7-813f-b69e476df187">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am trying my hardest to not gripe to FI about his mother so much because I know that he doesn't see in her the same crap that everyone else sees, but when it comes to him getting pissy with me because he's mad at his mom just makes me unbelievably mad. He can't bear to get mad at a woman who flat out told me that <strong>she didn't think her son could get his GPA up enough to graduate </strong>from school. I won't tell him she said that because I think it would just totally break his confidence, but the fact that the woman has no faith in her own kids really pisses me off.
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    NOT Cool!
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
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    We've had a lot of good talks lately about him knowing he's gonna have to step out on his own once we're married, but that doesn't stop her from driving him and subsequently me crazy in the meantime.

    Like I've said before though, I do love his mom. She is sweet as can be, but she is manipulative as anything. Her oldest daughter and I have both learned how to stop the manipulations. FI has not.
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:7a9ad7ee-462f-4b85-bda2-454e5d4077be">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : NOT Cool!
    Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I was so livid, I couldn't see straight for a few hours after that.
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    km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:0712a345-4de8-41fa-b354-d26480225b24">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]We've had a lot of good talks lately about him knowing he's gonna have to step out on his own once we're married, but that doesn't stop her from driving him and subsequently me crazy in the meantime. Like I've said before though, I do love his mom. She is sweet as can be, but she is manipulative as anything. Her oldest daughter and I have both learned how to stop the manipulations. FI has not.
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    well hopefully in time (and with seperation and a new family to focus on) he will learn...
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
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    Okay, I gotta go find my positive hat after blowing my top about FMIL.

    *sighs*
     
    Okay, 8 posts away from Bronze.
    45 minutes away from the end of the work day.
    4.5 days until christmas.
    All will be well.
    Breathe.

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    km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:573ad579-c052-42fb-92ae-f5c845dcf679">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, I gotta go find my positive hat after blowing my top about FMIL. *sighs*   Okay, 8 posts away from Bronze. 45 minutes away from the end of the work day. 4.5 days until christmas. All will be well. Breathe.
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    I like happy too!!  SO glad the work day is almost over (although I haven't done didly squat so I will have to do some work at home..)

    It WILL be worth it if we both exit newbie world today
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:e13c8958-39e7-4162-adcb-65e0d896218f">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're only NINE away! And I can kind of feel your pain. MIL and SIL are both so used to controlling H that I'm so thankful that we live 15 hours away now. They still try, but it's harder for their guilt, manipulation, etc. to make a dent from a distance.
    Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]

    FI doesn't want to take me away from my family so he's hoping to get a job locally, but honestly, I could stand to be away from my famliy for a while if it meant we could get away from his for a while. I think he needs that. He's 1100 miles away during the school year, but he still is their dependent so still does what they say. When he's an adult and married and living his own life, I'm hoping that moving away will enable him to cut the umbilical cord.
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
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    Okay, so on a happier note, I'm excited for Christmas.

    Although it means another unpaid holiday, it will mean a day off which will be nice. :)
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    km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:60d8ee2d-2317-4287-9a3e-18658961fe44">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : FI doesn't want to take me away from my family so he's hoping to get a job locally, but honestly, I could stand to be away from my famliy for a while if it meant we could get away from his for a while. I think he needs that. He's 1100 miles away during the school year, but he still is their dependent so still does what they say. When he's an adult and married and living his own life, I'm hoping that moving away will enable him to cut the umbilical cord.
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    how long have you two been together?
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
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    Ya know, I'm willing to bet this thread will die the minute I hit 501.

    I think there are like 4-5 of us left here.

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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:735fb901-c669-40a9-8eff-19a10ced3f5b">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : how long have you two been together?
    Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]

    Going on 8 years.

    We dated through high school. I think that's another part of the problem. He's not really made that transition to adult from student. Not that he has to just yet, but his mom has always done everything for him because she didn't want him to mess up and he didn't want to mess up. But those kinds of experiences are how I learned to do things. I filled out my own college applications and paperwork. I had to walk my rent check to the office every month. Granted my parents helped me a lot growing up. I didn't have to pay for anything until I graduated, but they taught me the responsibility of knowing how to for when I have to. FMIL just insisted on doing everything for them. And it made her happy, so FI let her.
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    km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:4b61ab6c-da6a-4bd6-88ba-bf512b422359">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : Going on 8 years. We dated through high school. I think that's another part of the problem. He's not really made that transition to adult from student. Not that he has to just yet, but his mom has always done everything for him because she didn't want him to mess up and he didn't want to mess up. But those kinds of experiences are how I learned to do things. I filled out my own college applications and paperwork. I had to walk my rent check to the office every month. Granted my parents helped me a lot growing up. I didn't have to pay for anything until I graduated, but they taught me the responsibility of knowing how to for when I have to. FMIL just insisted on doing everything for them. And it made her happy, so FI let her.
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    well that makes sense. it will all work out - i am sure...
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:f0d8a45b-d388-4419-ba7e-c6fc6da394af">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : Getting married both helped and hurt more than just him moving away. It helped in that he has space when he needs it. But at the same time, they both started showing almost a desperation to control him. Once his mom called and told him he needs to make his own decisions without thinking about how I feel because I was causing him to lose his identity (I wasn't.). His sister called and got so upset that he didn't like how she thinks we should decorate our new house that she accused us of not being good Christians. Crap like that from two ladies desperate to keep control.
    Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I'm just hoping by that point that he'll be able to see how crazy it is. I still obey my parents because they still support me. When I'm fully supporting myself and no longer under their control at all, I am hoping that my example of making my own decisions will help him to understand that he needs to make his.
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    becka717becka717 member
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    3 more you can do it!

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    km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:374d6402-0893-4dff-8de1-9b035ea9c372">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : Yeah, I'm just hoping by that point that he'll be able to see how crazy it is. I still obey my parents because they still support me. When I'm fully supporting myself and no longer under their control at all, I am hoping that my example of making my own decisions will help him to understand that he needs to make his.
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    it sounds like you can at least discuss your concerns with him, so that is a good start...
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
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    It's rough going. I try not to bring it up to him because I don't want him to feel like I'm attacking his parents.

    I don't want to bring it up to my mom because she's very judgemental and already has a dislike for my FMIL.

    the MaM board will tell me to leave him.

    It's nice to have people who understand. :) venting helps a great deal. I'm just hoping that no longer being under her financial or household control will help him be his own person.
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
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    Yeah, we've had a good run of being able to talk lately. Openly about issues. It's still rough going, but it's definitely helping.
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
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    Okay, now if you ladies will excuse me. ;)
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    km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:825e7227-cdab-482b-a5b9-0053597afa5b">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's rough going. I try not to bring it up to him because I don't want him to feel like I'm attacking his parents. I don't want to bring it up to my mom because she's very judgemental and already has a dislike for my FMIL. the MaM board will tell me to leave him. It's nice to have people who understand. :) venting helps a great deal. I'm just hoping that no longer being under her financial or household control will help him be his own person.
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    if you ever need to vent - I am a good listener (or in this case reader??)  you can always PM if that makes it easier...

    Sending good juju your way!!!
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    km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:cdea1687-8844-44b4-88a4-bda4370cec80">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, now if you ladies will excuse me. ;)
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    I dont know what the etiquette is on this (so I apologize in advance if I am doing something wrong) but...

    WOOOOOHOOOO YEA  HOORAY  YIPPIE HAPPY DANCE@!!!!   you made it :)
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    heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:e634cb1e-a07f-4e92-87e4-b6a555536854">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : I dont know what the etiquette is on this (so I apologize in advance if I am doing something wrong) but... WOOOOOHOOOO YEA  HOORAY  YIPPIE HAPPY DANCE@!!!!   you made it :)
    Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]

    Haha, that works!

    FINALLY!

    Yay! no longer a noob.
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    km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:096e3780-bd93-4569-9856-ede447314c1b">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : Haha, that works! FINALLY! Yay! no longer a noob.
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    awesome!!  it has been fun !! Congrats - and really dont stress... good things happen to good people- i believe you guys will work it all out (with hard work of course).  I really have to run... Going to go home and actually do some work now!!   have a great night!
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    becka717becka717 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_happy-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:090ccad5-00e2-4c09-952f-e54a5a7f8b37Post:096e3780-bd93-4569-9856-ede447314c1b">Re: Happy Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy Tuesday : Haha, that works! FINALLY! Yay! no longer a noob.
    Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    Congrats!  Yea!!!

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