Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Plus-Sized
Plus-Sized
New Discussion
Options

Plus Size Wedding/Nightmare

ashleipyleashleipyle
First Comment
in Plus-Sized
Ok, so maybe not nightmare, but here it goes.

I love my fiance with all my heart, but I totally dislike the idea of having a wedding.

Not because I don't want to get married, but because everything about a wedding is going to be a struggle and in truth, I am not a center of attention all eyes on me person.

I despise clothes shopping, and i know wedding dresses arent going to be any better. Looking at wedding dresses online makes me want to cry because I feel like I will never be as beautiful or do the dress justice.

That is not even the worst of it, his family hates me, which is why I agreed to the wedding in the first place, if we eloped it would make things worse. 

And I have no idea what I am doing, and it seems with every decision I make, its the wrong one because I get back lash from it. 

I dunno what to do, maybe the bad parts I am over reacting about, maybe not. I just know that even with my wedding 18 months away, I should not feel this bad.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Plus Size Wedding/Nightmare

  • Options
    timsflower81timsflower81
    First Comment
    Why does his family "hate" you?   Your fiance should stick up for you and you two should decide TOGETHER the type of wedding you want.  Eloping doesnt necessarily mean running off to vegas in secret and doing some cheesy thing.  No one says you have wear a traditional wedding gown or even that you have to wear white.  My first wedding was everything my ex's parents and my mom wanted and nothing that I wanted.  I hated everything about the day and regretted it immensely.  At the end of the day, what is important is that you are married to the love of your life.   Don't let others dictate how you get married, its about you and future husband starting a life together as husband as wife.. that is what's important.    Your fiance will think you are beautiful no matter what and I'm sure you will be the most beautiful bride in the world to him because you are HIS bride.   Weddings are supposed to be happy and exciting, not filled with dread and worry.   
    My Wedding Pinterest Boards

    image
    br> Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Jlp818Jlp818 member
    Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited August 2012
    What tims said!
    Plus:
      18 months is a long time.  So many things change over almost two years!  You have plenty of time to make your wedding exactly what you both want. 
    I get that not all women like to shop but you will be surprised how many styles of dresses there are out there!  Dresses look different in person than they do on size 2 models!  You need to try them on to see how they look on your body!  If you are not comfortable wearing white or ivory, you could pick your favorite color and go with that!  You WILL be a beautiful bride no matter what you choose. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ashleipyleashleipyle
    First Comment
    the general consenses with his family not liking me is because my fiance is very passive, and over the course of his life, his family has gotten into the pattern of taking advantage of him, and not just with little stuff. He lived on his parents property and in addition to rent, he was also required to do 2 pages of chores (including dog walking, lawn mowing and litter box cleaning) as well as work in his dads shop 4 nights a week-for free.

    When we got together, I put a stop to it. We bought a house and moved off their land and I got my fiance to start sticking up for himself and stop letting people use him.

    To his family, I took away their slave/lap dog.

    My fiance is 25 and we are happy. I love him, and i will not stand by for anyone to treat him poorly.

    His family also dislikes that I am of a different faith and that were living together before marriage.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    cemetreesccemetreesc member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    im right there with you on hating being the center of attention. i went back and forth so many times on having a wedding/ not having one.. eloping, courthouse, vegas... just taking the money for the wedding and buying all the gifts that were on the registries and taking a vacation. honestly, i'm still undecided. i mean, i have deposits everywhere *LOL* and my mind still wants to just scrap it.. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    smartn2sexy08smartn2sexy08
    First Comment
    I am the same as far as not liking a lot of eyes on me. My first marriage we eloped. However after looking back, I realize I wish I had a regular wedding. Thats what I am doing this time. However, we are not having the conventional guest list. We are having a small intimate wedding. We are mainly having close friends, very little family will be there on either of our sides. Our parents, his sister, and a couple of other relatives for both of us. A lot of people have said we are weird because we aren't inviting the  whole lot of our families. What it comes down to is we want a stress free day as much as possible. We aren't inviting anyone that will increase our stress levels. Some may not like it, but its our wedding. If they want something different they need to have a wedding.
    ?We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.? ~ Buddha
    Report Reply
  • Options
    bluebelle23bluebelle23 member
    First Comment
    I'm a little worried about the whole "center of attention" at an emotional event thing too. I'm gonna cry and look retarded in front of everyone who knows us.  I want to elope, but my bf really wants a family wedding.  We'll see... ugh. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    elio23elio23 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    bluebelle, I was worried about being an emotional mess at my wedding too.  I mean, I cry a lot! Not in a bad way but I cried like a baby at my college and high school graduation, other weddings, new babies, Disney movies...you get the picture.  But on the day of my wedding I was surprisingly calm and happy.  i didn't shed one tear...I just wore a huge smile the entire day.  So don't worry about it too much, seeing everyone gathered in one place to celebrate you and your husband will make you more happy than anything else.  Good luck :)
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ashleipyleashleipyle
    First Comment
    my biggest issue is not that I super hate attention, i just dont like being the center of it.

    I have really low self esteme and shy away from large groups. I feel sometimes like weddings are for beautiful people and Im not why do i get to have one. 

    And i know logically thats not true, but i get into dark moods where I dont feel like i deserve it.

    I lvoe my fiance and I want to marry him. but most of the time i dont feel worthy.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    elio23elio23 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I know eloping is not something you want to do but have you thought about having a small wedding? With only your closest family and friends? If you feel shy around large groups I imagine it might be because you feel judged.  Your closest family and friends love you and are there to support you.  They won't judge you.  And about what you said:  "weddings are for beautiful people"...Every bride is beautiful.  There are amazing dresses that flatter plus-size figures and professional hair and makeup does wonders.  I don't think you should worry too much, everything will fall into place :)
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • Options
    EastSideBlondeEastSideBlonde member
    First Comment

    I suffer from a bunch of issues and public speaking causes me to freak out (studder the whole thing)  but i do it now and then with work and what not ... so for me I am going with a wedding of about 60 or less but My FI knows i am scared of "messing up" - he was so sweet and offered to take me to the court house in the morning and get married, he said we would not have to tell anyone and it would be our little secret so even if we fall on our faces or "mess up" it wont matter cause i would already be his wife and that is all that mattered....

    Maybe you can do a some small things to make it better and to calm yourself

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot!Visit The Knot!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_plus-size-weddingnightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:a43ea6a8-5103-4b9a-bb4a-96b4e201b7b0Post:18134552-9db1-48f2-8e5a-9c23fa7d9b35">Re: Plus Size Wedding/Nightmare</a>:
    [QUOTE]I suffer from a bunch of issues and public speaking causes me to freak out (studder the whole thing)  but i do it now and then with work and what not ... so for me I am going with a wedding of about 60 or less but My FI knows i am scared of "messing up" - <strong>he was so sweet and offered to take me to the court house in the morning and get married, he said we would not have to tell anyone and it would be our little secret so even if we fall on our faces or "mess up" it wont matter cause i would already be his wife</strong> and that is all that mattered.... Maybe you can do a some small things to make it better and to calm yourself
    Posted by EastSideBlonde[/QUOTE]

    So you would then have what is essentially a "fake" ceremony since you already married at the courthouse?  You must not think very highly of your friends and family to deceive them like that.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    EastSideBlondeEastSideBlonde member
    First Comment
    no not "FAKE" at all, but we are not doing it anyway 
    i still think it was cute that he wanted to make it easier on me... 
    i was just trying to offer a suggestion to think of ways to have a more relaxed day not to trick people... 
    no need to be hurtful and make me out to be deceptive

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot!Visit The Knot!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_plus-size-weddingnightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:a43ea6a8-5103-4b9a-bb4a-96b4e201b7b0Post:9836647f-07d1-449e-863f-1b5278432eee">Re: Plus Size Wedding/Nightmare</a>:
    [QUOTE]no not "FAKE" at all, but we are not doing it anyway  i still think it was cute that he wanted to make it easier on me...  i was just trying to offer a suggestion to think of ways to have a more relaxed day not to trick people...  no need to be hurtful and make me out to be deceptive
    Posted by EastSideBlonde[/QUOTE]

    Getting married before the ceremony with your guests and keeping it "your little secret" between you and your husband is tricking your guests and being deceitful.  What would you call it?  Honesty and integrity? 

    With that said, I'm glad you're not doing it.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    zizibetzizibet member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Take a look at this blog www,strutbridalsalon.com/blog
    This is the blog of a local plus-size wedding dress boutique and it's full of different plus size brides all looking beautiful.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    elio23elio23 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    EastSideBlone, your story reminds me of how Jim and Pam got married on the Office :) I, personally, don't see anything wrong with that.  Whatever makes you most comfortable.  For us it was having a best friend officiate.  We felt comfortable and confident.  I say that what's important is that your friends and family are there to celebrate the union with you;  it doesn't really matter when you sign the certificate.
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • Options
    EastSideBlondeEastSideBlonde member
    First Comment
    Thank you Elio
    i was upset all weekend over this and have decided to step back from commenting on the boards & just be happy
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot!Visit The Knot!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    elio23elio23 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Don't get discouraged, everyone has an opinion.  But at the end of the day that's all it is: an opinion.  You should continue helping future brides plan just as you have :)
    imageimage
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards