I am afraid to get a dress

lilames79

I gained 50lbs within a year back in 2007.. since that I put on 20 more on.. only lost those 20 again.. I've been diagnosed with PCOS and haven't been able to lose this weight.  It has been frustrating to even buy clothing.  I am pear shaped but I am also short (5'0") and my torso is nonexistant!  I hate going shopping for clothes and end up being an emotional mess because pants never fit and if I go to Lane Brant, they fit my hips but are too baggy in the bum and legs. I am between at 12&14.  If I do to other stores they are too tight at the crotch etc. and pull at the hips due to the size of them.

Everyone keeps asking if and when I am going dress shopping..
I don't know.  I am dreading it.  Wedding is June 2013.  My parents go to FL (I live in Ontario, Canada.. on the other side of Detroit, MI) from Oct-April.. so I guess it will have to be soon.  my Mother has always been very critical of my body (when I was a size 8 looking for prom dresses back in the 90's, I was told to get sleeves to cover my chubby arms etc.).  I don't want this special moment to be ruined my emotional abuse or the experience of nothing fitting.

Am I the only one that feels this way?

[Deleted User]

Honey don't feel that way I have a apple shape and look pregant so I wear summer dresses all the time cuz my stomache sticks out..I was scared to go looking for dress and my wedding is also june 2013 but my bestie made a appt behind my back at davids bridal I was upset but happy she did it cuz i don't know when I was going to do it I told my consultant my fears and she told me don't worry and to my surprise she picked out some dresses that had my mouth open I didn't pick out a dress cuz i'm going for something different and exotic but i'm longer afraid to try on dresses...so just be like nike and do it and u will be surprised at the out come just talk to ur consultant and she will take care of u not to mention most shop go up to size 30 I'm a 14 in close in my dress i'm a sexy 18 lol! 

lilames79

I'm dreading my Mother's comments.. no matter what.. I do seek her approval when it comes to this.. she hasn't been as involved with my wedding as my dad.. and she's always had me on a diet growing up.. when I was tiny.  Now I'm actually chubby and I can't imagine this day   I won't be able to handle it lol
Maybe I should wait until Oct and just see if I drop any more.. (nutritionist has me on gluten free, dairy free fo my pcos).

I'm glad that you had a good experience.. it gives me hope.

I went to my venue and they had a bridal show.. I went to the area where there were dresses.. the saleswoman ran to a girl who was about an 8.. and barely approached me.  It tore my heart because I know why she didn't.

annieravensfan528

I felt the same way. Being 5'10 and a size 18, my biggest fear was looking like a giant But honestly it wasn't bad at all! Once you find your dress, you will feel beautiful! Forcing myself to try something on was the hardest part. GL.

reppunzel

Could you take a bridesmaid or friend with you rather than your mother?  I know it's often a mother-daughter thing, but in this case, it might be better for you both if she doesn't go.  I'm so sorry. 

Make an appointment and go somewhere that stocks a range of sizes.  A good bridal consultant can make a world of difference!

WaffleyGoodness

I am a bit chubby too, but if you get a GOOD consulatant than you should find the perfect dress. I was told to get a ballgown dress (though it's not me at all!) because it hides body shape the best, but I found a dress that fits me perfect . It is a fit and flare so it's my sleek look without showing off my problem areas. Rouching (sp?) can flatter so well. And getting the right spanx and undergarmets. 

Sometimes consultants can be a little heartless so don't let them get to you. If you get one that makes you feel too big then just come back another day, or go to a different store. 

kikirst33

I agree with PP - see if you can go with a firend or BM first. That will help you find the shape and style of dress that compliments you best before you go out shopping with your Mom. Don't forget that the dress will be altered to fit you - so you don't have to worry about it not fitting right.  

I had great success in finding dresses to try on at Davids Bridal - not sure if they have them in Canada.  I would call around to your local bridal stores to find out if they carry plus size dress samples and how many they carry.  

G2SoccerTaz

I was nervous to go dress shopping also. I also did get really frustrated with David's Bridal because they did not understand what I pictured. However, a local bridal shop had the perfect dress for me and my counsultent was amazing.

oh, I would recommend going with a corset back.

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_i-am-afraid-to-get-a-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:d66087da-f570-47f5-88e4-9160a721a585Post:79f56b9d-441e-4d00-a976-359b67d8523a">I am afraid to get a dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I gained 50lbs within a year back in 2007.. since that I put on 20 more on.. only lost those 20 again.. I've been diagnosed with PCOS and haven't been able to lose this weight.  It has been frustrating to even buy clothing.  I am pear shaped but I am also short (5'0") and my torso is nonexistant!  I hate going shopping for clothes and end up being an emotional mess because pants never fit and if I go to Lane Brant, they fit my hips but are too baggy in the bum and legs. I am between at 12&14.  If I do to other stores they are too tight at the crotch etc. and pull at the hips due to the size of them. Everyone keeps asking if and when I am going dress shopping.. I don't know.  I am dreading it.  Wedding is June 2013.  My parents go to FL (I live in Ontario, Canada.. on the other side of Detroit, MI) from Oct-April.. so I guess it will have to be soon.  my Mother has always been very critical of my body (when I was a size 8 looking for prom dresses back in the 90's, I was told to get sleeves to cover my chubby arms etc.).  I don't want this special moment to be ruined my emotional abuse or the experience of nothing fitting. Am I the only one that feels this way?
Posted by lilames79[/QUOTE]

I am so sorry you feel that way. You should enjoy your body, everyone's body is different and they are all BEAUTIFUL!!! I could not imagine my mother talking about me like that or making me feel that way. I honestly would probably not invite her to dress shopping at all. This should be a day to celebrate you, your body, and that dress that is going to make you look SEXY! :D

Do you have any friends who would like to go with you? Have only people there who you know will be supportive. If you know your mother is not going to be supportive then really think about if you want her there or not. If it is that you dont want to hurt her feeling try saying you just were out having fun with some friends and ended up finding the one and you want to keep it a surprise till the wedding. I hope you enjoy your dress shopping.

Good luck!!!

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_i-am-afraid-to-get-a-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:d66087da-f570-47f5-88e4-9160a721a585Post:79f56b9d-441e-4d00-a976-359b67d8523a">I am afraid to get a dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I gained 50lbs within a year back in 2007.. since that I put on 20 more on.. only lost those 20 again.. I've been diagnosed with PCOS and haven't been able to lose this weight.  It has been frustrating to even buy clothing.  I am pear shaped but I am also short (5'0") and my torso is nonexistant!  I hate going shopping for clothes and end up being an emotional mess because pants never fit and if I go to Lane Brant, they fit my hips but are too baggy in the bum and legs. I am between at 12&14.  If I do to other stores they are too tight at the crotch etc. and pull at the hips due to the size of them. Everyone keeps asking if and when I am going dress shopping.. I don't know.  I am dreading it.  Wedding is June 2013.  My parents go to FL (I live in Ontario, Canada.. on the other side of Detroit, MI) from Oct-April.. so I guess it will have to be soon.  my Mother has always been very critical of my body (when I was a size 8 looking for prom dresses back in the 90's, I was told to get sleeves to cover my chubby arms etc.).  I don't want this special moment to be ruined my emotional abuse or the experience of nothing fitting. Am I the only one that feels this way?
Posted by lilames79[/QUOTE]

I am so sorry you feel that way. You should enjoy your body, everyone's body is different and they are all BEAUTIFUL!!! I could not imagine my mother talking about me like that or making me feel that way. I honestly would probably not invite her to dress shopping at all. This should be a day to celebrate you, your body, and that dress that is going to make you look SEXY! :D

Do you have any friends who would like to go with you? Have only people there who you know will be supportive. If you know your mother is not going to be supportive then really think about if you want her there or not. If it is that you dont want to hurt her feeling try saying you just were out having fun with some friends and ended up finding the one and you want to keep it a surprise till the wedding. I hope you enjoy your dress shopping.

Good luck!!!

amandamarielynn

I have the same issues. I go to a pelvic pain center here in Phoenix and just found out I have to have ANOTHER surgery, which mean I could be in pain during my wedding. And the hormones? I'm only 5'4" and weigh 250lbs. I wear a size 22-24 dress. I felt so bad about it, but I went out to try on some dresses and there was NO dress shop that made me feel bad. Even when they knew I was just getting ideas for shapes and couldn't really get anything at their shop because I have to wear religious clothing, they still helped. And a lot of places will actually kick critical people out of their shops so girls can try on dresses in peace. So go to ONE dress shop and if she's critical, then tell her when you go to the next one AFTER you've already gone. That way she knows how easily you can exclude her if she keeps up the attitude. Yes, it's emotional warfare and passive aggressive, but sometimes it's all that will work.

Kate61487

ditto PP that you should not take your mom with you the first time. 

My grandmother can be very hurtful when she comments on clothing; not intentionally, she's trying to be helpful, but she's blunt and when you're already self conscious about something it cuts deep.  Because of that I didn't invite her to see the dress until I'd already picked it - I figured 1) she wouldn't be as blunt if she knew I was already locked in and 2) if I already loved it her comments wouldn't hurt as much.   I recommend you do that with your mother.  If her feelings are hurt that she missed that moment be honest with her; tell her that her comments hurt your feelings and make you feel less beautiful - it may help your future relationship.

cshuler

You are SEXY BEAUTIFUL!!! When you find the right dress, you will know it. It is truly time to get a dress so here are some tips. Do your homework. Use the Knot to get to all the dress designers websites. Decide on dresses that you like that YOU think you look good in and remember, very rarely will ANY dress will fit you exactly. That is what alterations are for. Your alterations will make your dress fit you like a glove. Do not worry about your arms, etc. It is really what you and how you think your FI will see you when you come down the aisle. Remember, this is you and your FI wedding and YOU should be happy. Happy Shopping!! Go SAY YES TO YOUR DRESS!!!!!

TorchyBlane

Why not skip dress shopping altogether?

You could find some pictures of dresses you like in a magazine or on pinterest and go directly to a tailor. The dress could be made in any material and color you want and it would be cut and sewn to fit you. 

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_i-am-afraid-to-get-a-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:d66087da-f570-47f5-88e4-9160a721a585Post:392b3d46-09d6-4b5c-bb9f-a743015b9907">Re: I am afraid to get a dress</a>:
[QUOTE]Why not skip dress shopping altogether? You could find some pictures of dresses you like in a magazine or on pinterest and go directly to a tailor. The dress could be made in any material and color you want and it would be cut and sewn to fit you. 
Posted by TorchyBlane[/QUOTE]

this isn't very good advice, honestly.  You never know what styles are going to look good on your body shape until you try them on.  I would at a minimum, try on some different styles to see what dresses/shapes look flattering on you.

Try calling salons ahead of time and make sure they have samples in your size.  Don't bother with any bridal salon that doesn't have a good selection of plus size samples.

zantster

Have you checked out Bombshell Bridal in St. Clair Shores, MI?  They speciallize in curvy brides and have received rave reviews.  Plus they are not a national chain so you'll probably get more personalized service.  Good luck!  Let us know how it goes.

searush

you should go to bridal store and try on all different dress styles, so you know which styles looks good on you. you wont know if you don't try it on. bring a friend or two that can give good advice. don't get stress and don't feel bad just because you are pluss  size. you can always vent it out or complain about the store if they treat you differently just because you wear a larger size  dress. good luck

lilames79

I will have ot check that out. thank you!!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_i-am-afraid-to-get-a-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:d66087da-f570-47f5-88e4-9160a721a585Post:f4183739-976b-4ceb-9709-8a044dd9fb4c">Re: I am afraid to get a dress</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you checked out Bombshell Bridal in St. Clair Shores, MI?  They speciallize in curvy brides and have received rave reviews.  Plus they are not a national chain so you'll probably get more personalized service.  Good luck!  Let us know how it goes.
Posted by zantster[/QUOTE]