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trouble getting over it! (Long)

bethyalebethyale member
First Comment
in Maine
Hi Girls,   I don't post often and the last time I did it was about my fiance's cousin scheduling his wedding two weeks after ours in North Carolina.  Needless to say, I was pissed because they set theirs 2 months ago and ours has been set and known about for 16 months now.  So today we got their invitation and a bunch of response cards from his family declining.  I am in no way pissed at his family for not being able to come, the cousin is their brother.  However, I seem to be having a huge amount of trouble with my rage and disappointment with his cousin and his fiance.  My FI wants to drive down to their wedding two weeks after ours so we can see the family who couldn't make it to ours.  I know this is the mature thing to do but I think it's going to be really hard to be happy for them after they chose to be so inconsiderate of our feelings.  I feel like I'm crazy because every time we get a decline, I cry because I'm so mad at the cousin.  Any suggestions for handling my anger that don't include showing up to their wedding in a white dress in a car that is decorated with "JUST MARRIED", calling them up and telling them just what I think about what they are doing?  Ofcourse I'm kidding about the white dress and stuff!!  I don't know how to deal with it!!!!  Sorry for bitching
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Re: trouble getting over it! (Long)

  • MegnDevMegnDev
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can't imagine the huge range of emotions you must be feeling over all of this.  You have every righto be upset, but I think when it comes to attending your cousin-in-laws wedding you should take the high road.Go, smile, and have an amazing time introducing yourself as DH's wife. ( It's a cool feeling!) For those family members who weren't able to attend your wedding, let them know how happy you are to see them. When they ask, tell them what an amazing day your wedding day was, and tell them you're sorry they weren't there to share in the fun.  By being the bigger person you'll come off looking way better than the cousins who "just so happened" to plan their wedding so close to yours. Your idea of the white dress and decorated sign made me chuckle.......but trust me, by the you'll be over "wedding mode" and totally into being your DH's lovely wife!!!
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  • danieleandwaynedanieleandwayne member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp. Go to the wedding and look absolutely FABULOUS!! And be gracious to the family members who were forced to choose between your wedding and North Carolina wedding. Yes, it's the high road, but if it helps feed your "angry mode," just think of it as the best revenge! Kill 'em with kindness, and all that. If you're still feeling angry, I suggest venting-- to your family, to your FI, to whomever you feel you can vent to safely, without worrying about looking ugly. (Believe me, I vent only so much to my FI about his sister who drives me UP THE WALL at times and who happens to be one of my BMs!)Your wedding is going to be wonderful with the people who ARE coming, and I hope that goes a long way towards helping you deal with this disappointment, anger, and resentment.
    "Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky." -- Ranier Maria Rilke BabyFruit Ticker image Me:37 MH:38 TTC since Oct 2011 BFP/Beta#1: 13 6/20/12; Beta#2: 20 6/22/12; MC/Beta#3: 9 6/27/12 BFP#2/Beta#1: 9/21/12 S/PAIFW
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  • bethyalebethyale member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the support.  I would never wear a white dress to someone else's wedding because I would be livid if someone did it to me.  I was in such a bad space when I wrote this post and couldn't wrap my mind around anything.  Thank you so much for just repeating what I was trying to tell myself to do!!
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  • angelizaangeliza
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just wanted to say I'd be so upset if I was in your shoes too. I'm sure I would have thought of all the things you did to try to get back at them and then some. It's clear you're a perfectly reasonable person and you aren't going to take the low road so to speak and I commend you for that. Just focus on having the most amazing wedding that you possibly can and then the guests who attend both will tell the ones who missed yours that they missed out on the good wedding!! :)
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  • jgreg29jgreg29
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just wanted to say I agree with all the PP. Go, be gracious, and vent as much as you need ahead of time! The nice thing about going only two weeks after your wedding is that you may still be on a wedding/newlywed high, which will make seeing all your relatives easier because you'll be so happy to begin with. ;-) But, most importantly, enjoy YOUR wedding. And tell us all about it. :-)
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