Maid of Honor drama

jezpez717

So here is some back story, I have 4 girls in my wedding party, 3 are friends from elementary school and my "Maid of Honor" is a girl ive known from college.  I would have had one of the girls from elementary school be the MOH, but she was the MOH in our other friends wedding.  My college friend had told me before she would do it but she seemed like it would be too overwhelming.

My solution to this problem, Both of them are my MOH, one live near me (the college girl) So I call her my southern california MOH, and the other lives in Northern California (where I grew up and where my parents live) and she is my nor cal MOH.

So between christmas and new years my FI, the So cal MOH and I went to northern california and met up with all 3 of the other bridal pary.  We did things like pick out the bridesmaids dresses, picked a weekend for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Which was all fine and went well.

Then we were sitting around and 2 girls were looking for shoes to wear with the dresses, and my main MOH, the so cal MOH goes " Thats it, this is too stressful, I cant do it anymore, being a maid of honor is too hard".... and all of us kinda look at her like um what? and ignore her and continue doing what we were doing. Im not sure if she was being sarcastic, or serious..

This was after a whole week of her kinda over stressing about the "role of the MOH"  when she has another girl helping with each party, all she really has to do is be there and do a speach.. im like GET OVER IT, im the one planning the whole wedding, why are u stressing out so much over stupid little stuff!

what should i do?

mamameech

Maybe she has other stuff going on in her life right now?  There could be something else bothering her and then the added stress at that moment just pushed her over the edge. I know it's happened to me many times that a little thing is what pushes me to my breaking point.
I'd say just chat with her - ask her how she's doing and if there is anything she'd like to talk about. Let her know that you're there for her too - a friendship goes both ways even when one is the bride and the other is the MOH.
I hope you guys can get to the bottom of it!!!

jezpez717

 She lives alone, all she does is work... the only thing that happened recently was this douchebag she used to date (who cheated on her and ened up married to that girl) started talking to her again, saying he wanted to be with her. Which i told her is the worst idea ever, he is still married. she deserves better  Blah

mamameech

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_maid-of-honor-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:92e4e3a4-5ebb-4a8a-b58f-306de7e769c4Post:e1eee811-9915-4df7-be15-e17da1383597">Re: Maid of Honor drama</a>:
[QUOTE] She lives alone, all she does is work... the only thing that happened recently was this douchebag she used to date (who cheated on her and ened up married to that girl) started talking to her again, saying he wanted to be with her. Which i told her is the worst idea ever, he is still married. she deserves better  Blah
Posted by jezpez717[/QUOTE]

that sort of stuff really brings a person down and changes behaviour - it's really sad and maybe she's really struggling :(

BMcLeodTeam

She very well may be having a hard time with that. I had a similar situation with my ex before FI and it was hard to be happy with anything else going on. Try talking to her as a friend with no wedding talk. She was your friend before, try to step away from the wedding and check on your friend.

jezpez717

We talked about it for like an hour, and she doesnt like talking about it with me, because all I say is, if he cheated on you before, why if you get back together would u not constantly think he would do it again, that is way to bad a way to start a relationship

I give her the whole you are so much better than him, you have your life together, he doesnt, you could do so much better, you deserve so much better, you desrve someone who knows from the begining that they want to be with you, not play games and go back and forth between other girls

i mainly just want to know.. should I just take this off her plate and say, you know what you seem like this is too much work for you, one of the other girls can be the maid of honor so you dont have to stress so much

AriesAngel86

I would give it some time... we all get stressed out from time to time. Like PP's said, just be supportive of her. Since there is so much time until the wedding I wouldn't worry about it right now. 

jezpez717

But if she this stressed out already, I dont want that nervous stressed energy near me closer to the day. I felt like the whole week I had to keep calming her down, I want it to be the other way around

morenachica110

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_maid-of-honor-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:92e4e3a4-5ebb-4a8a-b58f-306de7e769c4Post:277f0578-cee3-437e-beb7-0405706414f4">Re: Maid of Honor drama</a>:
[QUOTE]But if she this stressed out alre ad y, I dont want that nervous stressed energy near me closer to the day. I felt like the whole week I had to keep calming her down, I want it to be the other way around
Posted by jezpez717[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Well, I'm wondering. Is it more important to have her stand beside you at your wedding or just to have someone fill the "MOH" role? If she's important to you as a friend, take a minute and try to talk to her without bringing up WR stuff. I mean, if I was going through a rough relationship like she is, I wouldn't really want a wedding shoved in my face. Plus, you guys have time to take care of your wedding. Work on your friendship. Plus, let her know (without being snotty) that you just want her there for her support as a friend and it means something to you. The dress and all that othe rstuff isn't something to get so stressed about.</div>

BMcLeodTeam

If when I was going through that, a friend took away something positive in my life like being her MOH, I was see that as a huge personal slam and that would have made me more upset. I would just give her some time and space, you have PLENTY of time until the wedding.... I haven't even considered shower weekends and stuff, and I'm WAY ahead of many people here in my planning, the girls like to remind me of that everytime I freak out lol 

betsy1486

My (now ex) MOH was a really negative person in regards to my wedding. She eventually snapped and bowed out on her own and told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore. I miss being her friend but am really glad she's not constantly being negative about my wedding and half assing everything. If you decide to not have her be the MOH anymore, be prepared that you very well could lose her as a friend. My exMOH and I were friends for 10+ years so I didn't think I'd lose her as a friend, but that was what it came down to. There were other things going on in her life and she was really stressed out over her own relationships and work but she seemed to take that unhappiness out on me. She's in a better place in her life now, but unfortunately, is not interested in talking things out with me, even though I've tried. I would have a serious talk with her and see where her head is at before things get to the point where either of you snaps and things can't be repaired. Good luck!