Conflicts

melntaitt

Hi ladies; have you experienced any cultural conflicts with your FIs family? Ours have been pretty small so far - who hosts which party, which mother gives which present, etc.

Our biggest conflict so far has been the decision to not have the bridal party host the pre-wedding parties. In my family, this is a no-brainer since the mother and women in the bride's family host the showers, etc. FI's mother wants the women in her family to host and initially caused some major conflict. It's all settled now since my crazy nightmare of  a MOH backed out of all planning never to return, but misunderstandings can be the source of alot of conflict!

What's your biggest cultural conflict?

littleluckypenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_conflicts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:0e1e919c-f2d5-484c-8745-81aa3204c129Post:d04acfe3-20af-440d-8a0e-8eebb28324f0">Conflicts</a>:
[QUOTE]FI's mother wants the women in her family to host and initially caused some major conflict. It's all settled now since my crazy nightmare of  a MOH backed out of all planning never to return, but misunderstandings can be the source of alot of conflict!
Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

I'm glad that got resolved!  What happened exactly that it was a misunderstanding?  Being nosy ;)

To reply to your post, so far, we have not any conflicts, which I think is because both families have been pretty hands-off in planning.  No one has really asked about or expected anything.  I think it's because on both sides, there hasn't been a wedding in years, so most don't know what to expect anyway.

But for me, the only conflict I may face is the dollar dance.  FI's family does this, which I didn't even know what it was until FI explained it to me as it was a completely foreign concept; now I know what it is and I don't agree with it, and I can almost guarantee my family won't like it either, so I think FI's family will be pretty upset that I don't want one.

The other (as a Caribbean girl you can relate) will be the difference in music.  I think I'll play more "American" music earlier in the reception and have more Caribbean selections towards the end, as we love to dance! 

mizutamababy

No real conflicts for the wedding other than DH's mother wasn't big on us doing it overseas.  Then she agreed to go and without out any notice on the day of stood us up at the airport.  Cultural differences aside, she's just a strange woman in general.

I think the biggest conflict we had was an "etiquette" conflict.  We didn't register because registries are considered tacky in Japanese culture and it would have been difficult/insanely expensive to carry any U.S. registry items back with us.  Japanese wedding common sense is to give money at the reception and the amount is generally 10,000 yen, 30,000 yen or 50,000 yen based on relationship with the person/couple getting married.  So we requested any gifts be small or monetary if people felt like they must give.  E board had a field day with it that we were horrible people etc., etc.  I personally don't see the difference between asking for money or registry items because either way someone's spending money if they give, or spending nothing if they choose not to give.

RyansBelovedBride

Our families haven't met yet. I'd love them to talk on hte phone, but they have to choose it of course. Not that they're against each other. They just haven't done it.

melntaitt

@mizutama - it's a cultural thing so please don't expect the E board to understand. They have a major issue beyond anything cookie cutter and black and white.

@littleluckypenny- the music thing is going to be an issue already, I can tell, but, meh, what's to do?

I feel your pain too about the dollar dance; before I moved to NY, I had never seen it and I don't have an issue with letting it go.

Elizabeth80

No cultural differences as of yet. I'm sure once families get together at the showers and wedding reception that it may get interesting! My family is the kind of family that says what others might not say. And my first shower and his Mom's first meeting with our extended fam will be at the Lingerie Shower. That is sure to be interesting!!

Other then that I think there will be some awkwardness but my friends are super cool and will be at all of the pre wedding and wedding day events so they will be what brings both cultures together as they are a mixed bag of cultures themselves.

mizutamababy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_conflicts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:0e1e919c-f2d5-484c-8745-81aa3204c129Post:53ed6c91-64a7-4f4b-9267-ba3db8b96095">Re: Conflicts</a>:
[QUOTE]@mizutama - it's a cultural thing so please don't expect the E board to understand. They have a major issue beyond anything cookie cutter and black and white.[/QUOTE]

Oh no, I don't and I'm well aware of how E works LOL.  At the same time, I have no problem calling E posters out on their ethnocentricism when, for example, some American bride flames a UK bride for doing a tiered reception/cash bar despite it complying with etiquette norm in the UK.

mtrosales

No serious conflict here. But the thing I'm most concerned about is the music for our reception!
I have a big family who loves to dance -- but to mostly Mexican music. My fiance's family is entirely white. We've talked it over with our DJ a little... but just creating a cohesive flow of music is what's worrying me!