Can I do something right this week?

melntaitt

I've been meeting some issues head on this entire week with both FI and my family and I swear nobody is happy.

FI's family wants to host a shower with just his side - which I suppose is fine, but my family lives in Barbados so it's not like they can host a shower for me. My MOH (who is my cousin and only relative nearby) is not invited and neither are my friends so it's me and the in-laws.

I asked my mother to look through the vows to make sure they were gramatically correct and she freaked because they weren't religious. I gently let her down that I'm not religious at all and that won't be necessary - she's still freaking out and looking for a bible somewhere.

Both MOB and MOG have officially decided that the other's traditions at the wedding are odd so we're going to have a conversation with the respective parents about being considerate of each other's customs and traditions at the wedding.

I don't think we ever had the hard part of an interracial relationship before today so now we have to figure it out...

Any suggestions?

littleluckypenny

Blending different ideas and traditions can be difficult....I feel your pain. I saw your vent on the June board too, and because your family is not local, can't your IL even consider inviting your cousin and a few friends? My FMIL is talking about throwing me a shower as well, which I know will be excrutiatingly uncomfortable, because I don't have family OR friends closeby. I do believe talking with both sides, you should be able to come to some type of compromises, and the bottom line is you and FI should be happy.

melntaitt

No they won't even consider my cousin attending; it was like a "throw your own shower" type of deal. I want them both to be happy but I just have to find that middle ground...I really wish it was easier.

7E&G7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_can-something-right-this-week?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:8c816f62-5214-42fb-a66a-2a0ff058af45Post:57a62d28-ab82-4ddd-aed6-7a673b746d3b">Re: Can I do something right this week?</a>:
[QUOTE]Blending different ideas and traditions can be difficult....I feel your pain. I saw your vent on the June board too, and because your family is not local, can't your IL even consider inviting your cousin and a few friends? My FMIL is talking about throwing me a shower as well, which I know will be excruciatingly uncomfortable, because I don't have family OR friends closeby<font color="#000000"><strong>. I do believe talking with both sides, you should be able to come to some type of compromises, and the bottom line is you and FI should be happy.
</strong></font>Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

This. I would talk with both families but also make a point that the wedding while bringing the two families together is about you and FI becoming one and respecting what you want.

melntaitt

Thanks 7E&G7; I will.

One thing though, FI and I aren't from the most diverse stock so I think we're still a shocker to each other's families. He's from Cooperstown which has a minority population of about less than 1% and I'm from Barbados that has a caucasian population of about less than 1%.

The handfasting to them is a very "disturbing" tradition which they think originates from witchcraft; it's a staple in our weddings so we're doing it. My mother thinks that the overall ceremony needs to be religious and we're just not religious...I guess I was mistaken about her not respecting the in-laws - she doesn't respect my choice to be non-religious.

I guess we'll see, right?

littleluckypenny

Melntaitt, this is just getting eerie now.... My FI is from Cooperstown as well, and I'm from the Caribbean (Virgin Islands), with the same "no diversity" issues. You also get married the day before I do, and we're both in upstate NY!

melntaitt

littleluckypenny that is eerie!

That's also pretty damn awesome!

Elizabeth80

I'm really surprised they would not invite your MOH. But I'm also wondering if they did not realize you wanted her to be invited. I might gently say something or I would just deal with it and attend the shower. Though not necessarily her duty I do hope your MOH throws you a shower with friends.

With the vows..unless they are paying for them you should be able to word them as you wish. I'm religious and plan to have that language in my vows but to each their own..not my wedding:-) *This applies to your traditions as well. I think its awesome that you're adding them to the wedding!!!

FI's family wants to host a shower with just his side - which I suppose is fine, but my family lives in Barbados so it's not like they can host a shower for me. My MOH (who is my cousin and only relative nearby) is not invited and neither are my friends so it's me and the in-laws. I asked my mother to look through the vows to make sure they were gramatically correct and she freaked because they weren't religious. I gently let her down that I'm not religious at all and that won't be necessary - she's still freaking out and looking for a bible somewhere. Both MOB and MOG have officially decided that the other's traditions at the wedding are odd so we're going to have a conversation with the respective parents about being considerate of each other's customs and traditions at the wedding. I don't think we ever had the hard part of an interracial relationship before today so now we have to figure it out... Any suggestions?
Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

mizutamababy

I would have your FI deal with FMIL.

Maybe he can politely let her know that you feel a little disappointed/hurt that your side of the family is unable to participate in your shower.