Interracial Weddings

Do you fit in/get along with FI's family?

Not really talking about race. Do you feel like they are family? Why or why not? As much as FI's family likes me (and I like them), they will forever think I'm "weird" because I don't like pets. They just don't comprehend that some people don't care for pets. They are also different from my family as my family LOVES to dance and play card/board games non-stop. I like that his family is very relaxed and quiet and they are very close-knit.

Re: Do you fit in/get along with FI's family?

  • Since we're long distance I've not gotten to interact with his parents a great deal, only on the phone. His mom is very sweet. The first time we got on the phone she assured me that she's been praying for me, that I'm the first girlfriend he's ever had she's approved of, and that she'll do whatever she can to help me get to India. She wants us married soon and is eager to have a daughter...

    That said, I know from him she's super, super obsessively clean... and I'm a hopeless slob who try as I might never can keep a room clean for more than five minutes. So we'll see how that goes...

    His dad and I have only talked once, though it was a lengthy conversation. I could tell he seemed to respect me and I think he liked me okay... but he's far more cautious about me.  He's not really an express his emotions type of guy though, so I think it's possible I won't know how he feels for months after we do meet in person.

    As for Ryan and my parents, they both think he's a nice guy but "don't feel like they really know him". Mom and Ryan have talked a lot and he can definitely make her laugh. They're a lot alike, except Ryan is a much more outgoing person. 

    Dad and Ryan...? I really don't know how that will go. I think he will dfeinitely like him in the end, but I'm not sure how it will go... part of this is because I don't really understand Dad myself. :)
    My blog
    image
    "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
  • Oh, one big difference in our relationships is Ryan's parents (esp his mom) are all for us getting married soon. My paernts are trying to urge us to take more time that we're convinced we don't need. Not only are we 100% certain, we have been for like a year already.

    Consequently I always feel like Ryan's having to prove himself when he talks to my paernts, where as his paernts are really just trying to get to know me. I feel bad for him, but I love my pearnts and I know in the end they'll embrace him. But he's having to work harder for the kind of acceptance his parents gave me right off.  (I think part of this is the son v. daughter dynamic though)
    My blog
    image
    "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
  • My FI has bascially acclimated to my family quickly. He is quite shy & reserved, but my family is pretty big & loud. They are very loving and diverse, so he was just sucked right in. He comes over my house & comes to family functions. He says that he really feels like he is a part of my family.

    For me, it's quite different. Like PP, his parents are thousands of miles away & speak French. I don't. So we can't really communicate past pleasantries. I think this is harder for him than it is for me. He wants me to be part of his family as much as he is in mine. It doesn't bother me as much. I understand that it's not because we dont' want it, it's just the language/geographic barrier. 

    I already knew his brother & SIL who live here & am not a fan of them. I'm fine with the way it is. Two weeks before the wedding I'll be meeting his mom for the first time since we're dating. Should be interesting!
  • We get along just great, and I feel like I'm family but that makes me really insecure sometimes because I'm really afraid to mess up. I fit in just fine and we exchange birthday and holiday cards - we go to their houses for major holidays as opposed to staying at home. I don't know why I'm so petrified - it's a great feeling to be a part of this wonderful family.
    Vacation White Knot
  • mizutamababymizutamababy member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited March 2012
    I don't really feel like DH's family is my family personal relationship-wise.  That said, they treat me well enough.  DH doesn't get along with his family that well and we very seldom visit even though they only live a couple of hours away.

    His mother is a very strange woman.  To give you an example, she stranded us at the airport the day we were flying out for the wedding without even a call or message.  We waited two hours for her before we finally got ahold of her, and she basically said she just didn't feel like getting on a plane all of a sudden.  When we've gone over and spent the night, she likes to make me get up at some ridiculous time at like 5 or 6 a.m. to spend time with her until DH gets up from sleeping in.

    I've only met DH's father two times.  The first time was at DH's grandfather's funeral and the second time was when we went to announce we wanted to get married.  He seems like an easy going guy and he's easy to talk to, and he even lent DH some money when we got into an accident, but in general there's not much of a relationship there.

    On the flip side, my family loves DH and has always readily accepted him.  My mom makes sure to never forget his birthday and mail a gift/card, always includes his favorite U.S. snacks when she mails care packages, and they now hang out together quite a bit when we visit.  DH told me after our wedding he really feels comfortable around my family and he's always sad to go back because he misses that in his own.

    We have yet to see any of DH's family since the wedding...  We keep talking about going but it's so rare when we have time off together that it feels like such a waste of it when we do.
  • I get along with FI family and he gets along with mine. That being said our families are very different and that causes some issues occasionally.

    My family is big and loud and everyone is involved in everyone else's business. While his family is small, quiet, and values personal privacy above all else.

    My FI doesn't care too much for my extended family because they are pushy and I think that he mostly tolerates my dad. Which is okay because that's the same for me. My dad, however, thinks my FI is the greatest guy in the world.  My FI loves my mom and they trade jokes and gifts all the time. He says that my mom is a warmer version of his mom.  Both of my parents are excited about us getting married.

    That being said I love his family but it was an adjustment from my own. They are very loving but distant people. His family loves me and welcomes me though and includes me in everything.
  • My FI gets along really great with my family. They definitely like him and he and my dad have some hobbies in common, which is really nice. As for ME, well, I don't really click with his mom, but the rest of the family is easy to get along with. His mom and I are like from different planets.

    For instance, she offered to throw me a shower and I gladly accepted, but then found out she was inviting almost 70 people and most of them I had never met, nor were they on our wedding guest list! She said it didn't matter b/c that's what her mom did for her and she's just following suit (she thinks everything that was done in her life is the way things should always be done!). I politely explained that I could not accept gitfs from people who weren't invited b/c it's rude and I declined the shower. Then she admitted that she couldn't afford it anyway, haha.

    And now we've been battling with her about adding more people to the guest list. She is under the impression that we can just add a few more here and there, no big deal. She insists there will be plenty of food b/c it has always "worked out" in all the weddings she has attended. Once again, I had to explain that it doesn't work like that for us. At "those" weddings, the people did not do RSVP's, they just bought enough food to cover everyone they invited plus extra and set up lots of extra seats (it's a cultural thing). I told her WE don't have that luxury. We cannot afford more food, we cannot afford to rent extra tables/chairs, and our venue will maxed out at ful capacity if everyone we invite shows up. So NO, FMIL, we can't add more people. Sorry.

    And yes, there will be assigned tables - not sure how she's going to handle that one.

    I try to be civil and just love her for who she is, but it's hard sometimes. Tongue out
  • In my case it's a little weird because FI's family feels more like family than my own parents do. And by that I mean my parents went through a nasty divorce when I was in high school so my father and I drifted apart until I was through college and my mom and I have had this tense relationship ever since. I love them but we're not as close as we used to be.

    FI's family are all farmers from North Dakota and Minnesota. They are actual cowboys. His grandparents own a farm that is 30,000 acres in ND and his aunts, uncles, brother, and some cousins live on that land to work the farm. His parents own 100 acres in Minnesota with cows, and an orchard. My introduction to the big farm was during a family reunion last year. The first day I was out there I was on a 4 wheeler rounding up calves to be branded. 

    I fit like a glove and his parents are so warm towards me. His brother and sister treat me like a fellow sibling giving me shi.t and it's awesome. I like their lifestyle up there and I like being outside and dealing with the animals. I have three dogs and a cat and my FI helps me show dogs. He used to show cows so I guess he graduated to dogs lol. 

    Now I'm feeling homesick for the midwest...:(
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Yes. It was hard at first with his mom but I liked and got along with his dad and sister right away.  my family loved him from the start.  After 13 years and 3 kids, his family is my own and I spend more time with his mom than he does and we live RIGHT next door to Fil's. LOL.  I pretty much hang around his family more because my family live so far away. BUT my mom and sisters and I and brothers too are super tight and really close so I miss them.  Not close to my father but he really respects Fi.  My grandparents, aunts and uncle all love him.  

    Our families are a little different (especially culrutally) but it works. This will be the first event so many of both our families will be at intermingling.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards