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Having a wedding/ reception but already married***CLOSED***

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Re: Having a wedding/ reception but already married***CLOSED***

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    mocurry01 said:
    Who cares what other people on here think. They are not invited nor should you care what they think. I know someone who got married in a small ceremony just so her dying father could walk her down the aisle. Then had a wedding and a reception at a later date. I didn't see anything wrong with it nor was I offended going to the wedding and reception knowing that they were already married!
    Then don't post here.  That includes you.  The fact that you don't see anything wrong with it and was not offended does not alter etiquette or the fact that lying about when one is "married" is offensive to people.
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    medalofhonormedalofhonor member
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    edited October 2013

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited October 2013
    rideout1223 said:
    This is all very intense. My husband I are having our wedding this upcoming December. We had to marry before he left. He is in the army. He is now back and has leave so we are going to have the wedding. We always planned on having a real wedding with all the bells and whistles, but the military called for a quick JOP wedding. If we didn't marry before he left then I wouldn't of had any rights to him or been able to move with him. I don't think people should judge or be mean to others for still wanting to have the wedding they have always wanted. Sometimes circumstances get in the way. I will admit this wedding isn't just for my family and friends, but for us as well. I want the pictures to hang up, I want the first dance, I want us to be celebrated. Our friends and family know we are married, but I haven't heard one negative comment. We have been legally married since March and are still going to have our ceremony this December so no one should feel bad or care what others are doing. This doesn't affect you. 
    My father was serving in the Air Force when he and my mom got married, and he was not able to get leave to attend the wedding they were planning where they lived.  They canceled those plans, and my mother and grandparents traveled to where he was stationed and they got married there.  It was not the wedding they dreamed of, but it was their wedding.  It was not necessary to have a big blowout with the friends and family back home for them to consider themselves "married" in every respect.  And that was 44 years ago.

    So no, I don't agree that every couple is "entitled to the wedding of their dreams."  Sometimes life doesn't allow for a big white wedding with a huge party afterwards.  But, if they have a smaller/quiet/civil/whatever ceremony without a big party afterwards or any other element of their dreams are not present, they are "married" and are not entitled to any do-overs just because the ceremony they had wasn't satisfying enough.  You get one: even if it's not the "wedding of your dreams," it is your wedding. 

    Military service, health issues, insurance, work issues, immigration issues, legal issues, or "life" do not excuse pretending that the legal ceremony didn't happen and you are not "married," especially if you are claiming legal benefits while pretending you are not "married."  That's lying, not only to your loved ones but the government, insurance company, employer, and whoever else is footing the bill for those benefits.  And "not hearing one negative comment" from your loved ones doesn't mean they aren't making them outside your hearing or even just thinking them.
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    nicolelee202nicolelee202 member
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    I know 3 couples that have done this in the past year for various reasons. One couple had 3 weddings Courthouse, Church, and The Hamptons. No one was offended doing this. People have to do what is best for them. He wanted to get married in a church and she wanted to get married outside. The only way their pastor would do the ceremony outside is if they married in the church first. So they married by the state first. Because he lost his healthcare. Then the church so they could be married by god, and out side a week later they renewed their vows. They had all the bells and whistles. Released doves, 2 different dresses, all the bridal parties before the second and third wedding, the whole nine yards.. I can't think of anything that they didn't do. But no one judged them for doing it. 
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    nicolelee202 said:
    I know 3 couples that have done this in the past year for various reasons. One couple had 3 weddings Courthouse, Church, and The Hamptons. No one was offended doing this. People have to do what is best for them. He wanted to get married in a church and she wanted to get married outside. The only way their pastor would do the ceremony outside is if they married in the church first. So they married by the state first. Because he lost his healthcare. Then the church so they could be married by god, and out side a week later they renewed their vows. They had all the bells and whistles. Released doves, 2 different dresses, all the bridal parties before the second and third wedding, the whole nine yards.. I can't think of anything that they didn't do. But no one judged them for doing it. 
    Are you sure about that?

    Honestly, that couple sounds like complete snobs.  Three weddings?  Who the hell needs three weddings?  Not to mention having three weddings is impossible.  What they had was one wedding and two lavish do-overs.  And I bet a hell of a lot of people judged them.

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    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
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    edited October 2013
    nicolelee202 said:
    I know 3 couples that have done this in the past year for various reasons. One couple had 3 weddings Courthouse, Church, and The Hamptons. No one was offended doing this. People have to do what is best for them. He wanted to get married in a church and she wanted to get married outside. The only way their pastor would do the ceremony outside is if they married in the church first. So they married by the state first. Because he lost his healthcare. Then the church so they could be married by god, and out side a week later they renewed their vows. They had all the bells and whistles. Released doves, 2 different dresses, all the bridal parties before the second and third wedding, the whole nine yards.. I can't think of anything that they didn't do. But no one judged them for doing it. 
    Ewwww.  These people sound like they are too immature to get married and really love attention.  Having three ceremonies is ridiculous, selfish, gift grabby, and super AWish.  

    An inability to compromise on a ceremony is not an excuse to have three.  It's an indication that you shouldn't get married.  Married people need to compromise all the time, if a couple doesn't get this or is incapable of this, they shouldn't get married.  What's going to happen if they have a child and she wants to call him "Ben" and he wants to call him "Charlie"?  Will they each just call him by the name that they like better?  

    ETA and unless you're a mindreader (and if you are, may I suggest using this power for the greater good), you have no way of knowing if anyone judged the couple.  You personally may not have, but that doesn't mean everyone else didn't.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    medalofhonor said:
    Wow... poor butterflymom. All you "ladies" are basically bashing her because she had a legal wedding for her own personal reasons (which is very common for military to do this btw)  and now wants to include her family to take part in saying special words to her partner (husband or not) and maybe wants the pictures with family and friends so they can all celebrate as a new family! You "ladies" should be ashamed of yourselves making her guilty and that she has done wrong by thinking this way. No wonder there are so many divorces these days. It's because of women like you who are so quick to judge, point fingers, and try to shame others for their own beliefs! Butterflymom I totally support your idea 100% and hope that you and your family have a blast at the 2nd part of your wedding together! (-bridal consultant of 6 years)
    Of course you would support a second wedding....you work in the industry!  The wedding industry does not care about etiquette, all that matters is making money.
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    APDSS22APDSS22 member
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    nicolelee202 said:
    I know 3 couples that have done this in the past year for various reasons. One couple had 3 weddings Courthouse, Church, and The Hamptons. No one was offended doing this. People have to do what is best for them. He wanted to get married in a church and she wanted to get married outside. The only way their pastor would do the ceremony outside is if they married in the church first. So they married by the state first. Because he lost his healthcare. Then the church so they could be married by god, and out side a week later they renewed their vows. They had all the bells and whistles. Released doves, 2 different dresses, all the bridal parties before the second and third wedding, the whole nine yards.. I can't think of anything that they didn't do. But no one judged them for doing it. 
    So they got divorced twice so they could have 3 different weddings because they didn't agree on how the wedding should look?
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    Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
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    Wow. Maybe someone should study the correlation between not understanding what a wedding is and divorce.



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    KatWAGKatWAG member
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    rideout1223 said:
    This is all very intense. My husband I are having our wedding this upcoming December. We had to marry before he left. He is in the army. He is now back and has leave so we are going to have the wedding. We always planned on having a real wedding with all the bells and whistles, but the military called for a quick JOP wedding. If we didn't marry before he left then I wouldn't of had any rights to him or been able to move with him. I don't think people should judge or be mean to others for still wanting to have the wedding they have always wanted. Sometimes circumstances get in the way. I will admit this wedding isn't just for my family and friends, but for us as well. I want the pictures to hang up, I want the first dance, I want us to be celebrated. Our friends and family know we are married, but I haven't heard one negative comment. We have been legally married since March and are still going to have our ceremony this December so no one should feel bad or care what others are doing. This doesn't affect you. 
    Really @rideout1223??? Were you forced? Did someone twist your arm and push you down the aisle? You wanted the benefits of being married in the military, so you made an adult decision. Time to own that decision and the consequences that stem from it.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    This is all very intense. My husband I are having our wedding this upcoming December. We had choose to marry before he left. He is in the army. He is now back and has leave so we are going to have the wedding. We always planned on having a real wedding with all the bells and whistles, but the military called for a quick JOP wedding. If we didn't marry before he left then I wouldn't of had any rights to him or been able to move with him. I don't think people should judge or be mean to others for still wanting to have the wedding they have always wanted. Sometimes circumstances get in the way. I will admit this wedding isn't just for my family and friends, but for us as well. I want the pictures to hang up, I want the first dance, I want us to be celebrated. Our friends and family know we are married, but I haven't heard one negative comment. We have been legally married since March and are still going to have our ceremony this December so no one should feel bad or care what others are doing. This doesn't affect you. 
    Fixed that for you

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    Jmonique1978Jmonique1978 member
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    Fran1985 said:

    My biggest, biggest pet peeve about these is when people say "It is not for me! Its for my parents they deserve to see their special child get married!" THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU WAIT FOR THEM?? My dh and I would've been ok eloping, but we are close to our families and we know it would upset them. So we weighed the pros and cons, and decided to do a full reception. Other people weigh their circumstances, and decide to do the elopement or courthouse because it works for them. If its important to you and your families to have a full white dress, reception, etc, then DO THAT. Don't tell me the reenactment is for your families who you couldn't bother to wait for in the first place. 


    How dare you judge! You do not know these women's situation!
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    Jmonique1978Jmonique1978 member
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    Instead of being rude why don't you thank this woman's husband for his service. People like you are the worst! You sit around judging everyone else yet in reality you are the bad ones!
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Jmonique1978 said:

    Instead of being rude why don't you thank this woman's husband for his service. People like you are the worst! You sit around judging everyone else yet in reality you are the bad ones!

    To whom are you talking? Exactly how are you planning to have a wedding without getting divorced first?
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    edited October 2013

    Jmonique1978 said:
    Wow I just came across these posts. I think it's hilarious the people who are claiming to know everything about etiquette show absolutely zero!!! How date you say what you say to these women. Guess what I'm married and I'm having a WEDDING! I am not a bible thumper that needs to go around telling everyone what they did was wrong.!!' Get off your high horses! Show some Class!!

    Based on your post count, I see you are new to these boards.  Before you start judging posters based on this one post, you might want to read the prerequisite.......


    There is a world of difference between weddings, vow renewals, at home receptions following private weddings, and PPD's.  One point, however, is unequivocal.  If you are currently married, you cannot have a wedding.  It has nothing to do with class, bibles, judging, or high horses.  
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    Jmonique1978 said:
    Wow I just came across these posts. I think it's hilarious the people who are claiming to know everything about etiquette show absolutely zero!!! How date you say what you say to these women. Guess what I'm married and I'm having a WEDDING! I am not a bible thumper that needs to go around telling everyone what they did was wrong.!!' Get off your high horses! Show some Class!!


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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Jmonique1978 said:
    My biggest, biggest pet peeve about these is when people say "It is not for me! Its for my parents they deserve to see their special child get married!" THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU WAIT FOR THEM?? My dh and I would've been ok eloping, but we are close to our families and we know it would upset them. So we weighed the pros and cons, and decided to do a full reception. Other people weigh their circumstances, and decide to do the elopement or courthouse because it works for them. If its important to you and your families to have a full white dress, reception, etc, then DO THAT. Don't tell me the reenactment is for your families who you couldn't bother to wait for in the first place. 

    How dare you judge! You do not know these women's situation!
    Here's what I know: If someone is married, it's literally not possible for them to have another wedding (unless they get divorced and remarried). They might CALL it a wedding, but a wedding is where people get married. If no one is getting married, there's no wedding. 

    So any personal situation doesn't matter. If someone is already married, it's not my OPINION that they can't have a wedding... it's just a fact. Not a mean fact either. Just a fact. 

    Now some couples who chose a fast/convenient courthouse wedding WANT to pretend like they're getting married again because they missed out on the experience of the white dress, walking down the aisle and all that. But they're not actually getting married (having a wedding). They're pretending. It's not mean to say that, it's just factual.
    *********************************************************************************

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