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Having a wedding/ reception but already married***CLOSED***

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Re: Having a wedding/ reception but already married***CLOSED***

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    baray1821baray1821 member
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    wed·ding

    /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ Show Spelled [wed-ing] Show IPA

    noun
    1.
    the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials.
    2.
    the anniversary of a marriage, or its celebration: They invited guests to their silver wedding.
    3.
    the act or an instance of blending or joining, especially opposite or contrasting elements: a perfect wedding of conservatism and liberalism.
    4.
    Business Slang. a merger.
     
    This is just my take on it...

    The marriage happens when the couple legally joins together. It doesn't matter where it takes place. The wedding is just a symbol for loved ones to witness and acknowledge the union that is or has taken place. For those of you who are religious, it's like getting saved. The day you accept Christ and the day you are symbolically baptized can (and often are) on different days. No one can say that it is fake or not the proper way.

    My marriage happened 7/20/13 and my wedding will happen 7/19/14. We do plan to call it a vowel renewal and our family and friends understand this. They are excited about the wedding we are planning. I think a lot of people are putting too much weight on the "wedding" and not enough on the marriage. I say everyone should do what they feel is best and if those around you don't want to be a part then by all means, let them stay home.

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    nicolelee202 said:
    I know 3 couples that have done this in the past year for various reasons. One couple had 3 weddings Courthouse, Church, and The Hamptons. No one was offended doing this. People have to do what is best for them. He wanted to get married in a church and she wanted to get married outside. The only way their pastor would do the ceremony outside is if they married in the church first. So they married by the state first. Because he lost his healthcare. Then the church so they could be married by god, and out side a week later they renewed their vows. They had all the bells and whistles. Released doves, 2 different dresses, all the bridal parties before the second and third wedding, the whole nine yards.. I can't think of anything that they didn't do. But no one judged them for doing it. 
    How do you know?  They may not have said anything, but silence does not equal approval.
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    Jmonique1978 said:
    Wow I just came across these posts. I think it's hilarious the people who are claiming to know everything about etiquette show absolutely zero!!! How date you say what you say to these women. Guess what I'm married and I'm having a WEDDING! I am not a bible thumper that needs to go around telling everyone what they did was wrong.!!' Get off your high horses! Show some Class!!

    You can't have a wedding. You're already married.
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    baray1821baray1821 member
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    Sorry I simply made a mistake. It should be vow renewal. Glad that was your only argument! :)

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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    NYCMercedes said:
    baray1821 said:

    Sorry I simply made a mistake. It should be vow renewal. Glad that was your only argument! :)


    Well, that's a poor assumption.
    image
    Mer, you crack me up!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    Thank you.
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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    edited October 2013
    baray1821 said:
     wed·ding /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ Show Spelled [wed-ing] Show IPA noun 1. the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials. 2. the anniversary of a marriage, or its celebration: They invited guests to their silver wedding. 3. the act or an instance of blending or joining, especially opposite or contrasting elements: a perfect wedding of conservatism and liberalism. 4. Business Slang. a merger.  This is just my take on it...The marriage happens when the couple legally joins together. It doesn't matter where it takes place. The wedding is just a symbol for loved ones to witness and acknowledge the union that is or has taken place. For those of you who are religious, it's like getting saved. The day you accept Christ and the day you are symbolically baptized can (and often are) on different days. No one can say that it is fake or not the proper way.My marriage happened 7/20/13 and my wedding will happen 7/19/14. We do plan to call it a vowel renewal and our family and friends understand this. They are excited about the wedding we are planning. I think a lot of people are putting too much weight on the "wedding" and not enough on the marriage. I say everyone should do what they feel is best and if those around you don't want to be a part then by all means, let them stay home.

    Actually, people who think they need a do-over are putting more emphasis on a     party than their marriage.

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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    I I'd so much rather spend my money on a badass honeymoon/vacation than a re-do ceremony...and you know, worry about my marriage rather than the party I never had. 
    image
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    KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'd suggest the terms for the first part of your day: vow renewal, vows, or recommitment ceremony
    For the later part/reception: reception or celebration

    Something like:
    Please join us as we renew our wedding vows at _____
    Celebration to follow at _________

    Or if you are a cheeky couple (and everyone is aware of your sense of humor):
    After a year of marriage we not only haven't killed each other, but we still love each other enough to do it again!  We would be honored to have you at our renewal!
    Follow that with the details for the venues and times. :-)

    Good luck with planning!


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    ohannabelleohannabelle member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its

    Rather than the dictionary, I would ask Miss Manners. Look- many people have, and here is what she says:

    "Dear Miss Manners: My sister and her husband are wanting to renew their vows for their 10-year anniversary. They never had a “wedding,” so I wanted to know if it is proper for them to have a real wedding with the dress, cake, bridesmaids and all?

     

    Dear Miss Manners: My oldest son just got married by the justice of the peace. They were planning a wedding next year, but they are now expecting and needed my daughter-in-law to have insurance.

    She wanted a real wedding, but my mother said it isn’t proper to have a ceremony after the baby is born. If it isn’t, then so be it—she and the baby are more important. Please advise me in this very important decision in my life.

    Gentle Readers: What struck Miss Manners was the apparent understanding, in this and similar letters she has received, of what constitutes a “real wedding.”

    That big white dresses and bridesmaids are associated with weddings is not surprising, although these are not essential. Many a bride has had a real and charming wedding wearing something more to her own taste, and not every one chooses to be attended by a bevy of female friends.

    But apparently the act of getting married is no longer considered an essential part of a “real wedding.” In such letters, the couple has already been married in a ceremony that, although legal, did not meet their definition of being real. A real wedding need be only a re-enactment of the actual ceremony, provided it is done lavishly.

    We are not talking about a civil ceremony followed, in short order, by a ceremonial religious blessing. Rather, these readers are making a distinction between the act of contracting marriage and that of putting on a showy entertainment, with the idea that the first is not the real thing unless accompanied by the second.

    Now, Miss Manners has no wish to be an old meanie who disapproves of celebrating marriages and anniversaries, however lavishly one wants and can afford. Parties in honor of a newly married couple can be held practically up until the time they start celebrating anniversaries.

    But for a married couple to pretend that they are getting married? And possibly to play with the feelings of their guests, who thought that they were witnessing people actually being married?

    Even that doesn’t bother Miss Manners as much as the sad realization that “real,” in regard to something as important as marriage, has come to mean extravagant and fake.

     

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    rideout1223 said:
    Y'all are some hateful women is all I have to say. I don't know who died and made any of you God and to tell people what they can and can't do. I am deceiving no one. EVERYONE knows we are married. My name is changed. It's even FB official lol. We did MAKE A CHOICE to marry before he left. I'm not denying that. Yes, I did want rights to him incase anything happened to him, I wanted to be the one that was called.After 6 years and being his fiance, I wanted to have say in things. If he would have been injured, I wanted to be notified. I love him way too much to take the chance of having no say or rights to him if something awful was to happen. I don't see why everyone is getting so bent out of shape. We want to have the pictures to hang around our home. I want to exchange personal vows. We aren't parading around like we aren't married. We aren't having a judge of priest present. We are exchanging our own vows to share with each other, our family, and friends then having a cocktail party after. If any of my friends or family care or are offended then they don't have to attend. I think y'all are very closed minded and must live a pretty easy life to not consider circumstances to ever get in the way of something. You don't have the right to judge others. You don't live their lives. This is supposed to be a site to exchange ideas and support. Get off your etiquette horse and again this doesn't affect you.
    Not gonna happen.  We respond because people ask questions-whether or not it affects us.  You don't want our responses, don't fucking ask. 
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    rideout1223rideout1223 member
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    A response is one thing, but it has just become hateful. You can have a difference of opinion and still be respectful of other's opinions and feelings. The initial question on here was an honest question about invites. If you didn't have an answer to help her then you shouldn't have responded.
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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    rideout1223 said:
    Y'all are some hateful women is all I have to say. I don't know who died and made any of you God and to tell people what they can and can't do. I am deceiving no one. EVERYONE knows we are married. My name is changed. It's even FB official lol. We did MAKE A CHOICE to marry before he left. I'm not denying that. Yes, I did want rights to him incase anything happened to him, I wanted to be the one that was called.After 6 years and being his fiance, I wanted to have say in things. If he would have been injured, I wanted to be notified. I love him way too much to take the chance of having no say or rights to him if something awful was to happen. I don't see why everyone is getting so bent out of shape. We want to have the pictures to hang around our home. I want to exchange personal vows. We aren't parading around like we aren't married. We aren't having a judge of priest present. We are exchanging our own vows to share with each other, our family, and friends then having a cocktail party after. If any of my friends or family care or are offended then they don't have to attend. I think y'all are very closed minded and must live a pretty easy life to not consider circumstances to ever get in the way of something. You don't have the right to judge others. You don't live their lives. This is supposed to be a site to exchange ideas and support. Get off your etiquette horse and again this doesn't affect you.
    Ugh. Just ugh. 
    image
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    rideout1223 said:
    A response is one thing, but it has just become hateful. You can have a difference of opinion and still be respectful of other's opinions and feelings. The initial question on here was an honest question about invites. If you didn't have an answer to help her then you shouldn't have responded.
    Given the tone of your post before this one, you are in no position to judge how anyone else should post.  Pot, meet kettle.
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    rideout1223rideout1223 member
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    I only got defensive bc I was attacked and called an embarrassment to military wives when I shared my side of things and said people shouldn't make others feel bad for wanting to have the ceremony. I'm not going to post anymore on here. It's turned into something so much more than it really is. Good day ladies and good luck with all wedding stuff! I'm off to mail invites to mine :)))
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited November 2013
    rideout1223 said:
    A response is one thing, but it has just become hateful. You can have a difference of opinion and still be respectful of other's opinions and feelings. The initial question on here was an honest question about invites. If you didn't have an answer to help her then you shouldn't have responded.
    We gave her an answer.  If you or she didn't like it, well, you do realize that if you ask questions in a public forum, you might not like the answers but you're not entitled to control them.  And if you or she had lurked a bit more before posting, one of you at least would have known that this forum as a group doesn't approve of what she wanted to do for etiquette reasons.  We're not here to validate bad ideas.
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    mariapazsoldanmariapazsoldan member
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    There are actually many cultures that do this as the norm, I am from Peru and  in that culture you first get married civilly and then religiously (in the church). Everyone in my family has done it this way my parents, aunts and uncles and even my cousins. This is how me and my fiancee decided to do our wedding as well. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    mariapazsoldan said:
    There are actually many cultures that do this as the norm, I am from Peru and  in that culture you first get married civilly and then religiously (in the church). Everyone in my family has done it this way my parents, aunts and uncles and even my cousins. This is how me and my fiancee decided to do our wedding as well. 
    But the OP is talking about doing it in a culture where this is not the norm.  In this instance it would not be acceptable.
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    nmh1012nmh1012 member
    First Comment
    SO much judgement! Who cares what other people decide to do!? Call it whatever you want! I know so many people who have done this. In fact, I am currently planning my "big" wedding. My husband and I chose to have a wedding for ourselves. Now we are having one for our friends and family. It's not fake and it's not a lie. All of my friends and family know that we are already married and are happy to have a celebration that they can join us in. Get over yourselves! 

    P.S. She was NOT asking opinions on if this was right or proper etiquette. SHe was just asking for advice on the wording of her invites. JEEZ!!
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    nmh1012nmh1012 member
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    Jen4948 said:
    rideout1223 said:
    Y'all are some hateful women is all I have to say. I don't know who died and made any of you God and to tell people what they can and can't do. I am deceiving no one. EVERYONE knows we are married. My name is changed. It's even FB official lol. We did MAKE A CHOICE to marry before he left. I'm not denying that. Yes, I did want rights to him incase anything happened to him, I wanted to be the one that was called.After 6 years and being his fiance, I wanted to have say in things. If he would have been injured, I wanted to be notified. I love him way too much to take the chance of having no say or rights to him if something awful was to happen. I don't see why everyone is getting so bent out of shape. We want to have the pictures to hang around our home. I want to exchange personal vows. We aren't parading around like we aren't married. We aren't having a judge of priest present. We are exchanging our own vows to share with each other, our family, and friends then having a cocktail party after. If any of my friends or family care or are offended then they don't have to attend. I think y'all are very closed minded and must live a pretty easy life to not consider circumstances to ever get in the way of something. You don't have the right to judge others. You don't live their lives. This is supposed to be a site to exchange ideas and support. Get off your etiquette horse and again this doesn't affect you.
    Not gonna happen.  We respond because people ask questions-whether or not it affects us.  You don't want our responses, don't fucking ask. 
    No one asked your opinion on having another wedding. She simply asked for help on wording her invitations. Learn to read. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2013
    nmh1012 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    rideout1223 said:
    Y'all are some hateful women is all I have to say. I don't know who died and made any of you God and to tell people what they can and can't do. I am deceiving no one. EVERYONE knows we are married. My name is changed. It's even FB official lol. We did MAKE A CHOICE to marry before he left. I'm not denying that. Yes, I did want rights to him incase anything happened to him, I wanted to be the one that was called.After 6 years and being his fiance, I wanted to have say in things. If he would have been injured, I wanted to be notified. I love him way too much to take the chance of having no say or rights to him if something awful was to happen. I don't see why everyone is getting so bent out of shape. We want to have the pictures to hang around our home. I want to exchange personal vows. We aren't parading around like we aren't married. We aren't having a judge of priest present. We are exchanging our own vows to share with each other, our family, and friends then having a cocktail party after. If any of my friends or family care or are offended then they don't have to attend. I think y'all are very closed minded and must live a pretty easy life to not consider circumstances to ever get in the way of something. You don't have the right to judge others. You don't live their lives. This is supposed to be a site to exchange ideas and support. Get off your etiquette horse and again this doesn't affect you.
    Not gonna happen.  We respond because people ask questions-whether or not it affects us.  You don't want our responses, don't fucking ask. 
    No one asked your opinion on having another wedding. She simply asked for help on wording her invitations. Learn to read.
    Sorry to have to tell you this, but it's not up to you or the OP or for that matter anyone else what we write here.  She's not entitled to get advice "only on what she asks about."  Everyone can say what they want about anything-and that's the case all over the Internet.  "I/she didn't ask for your opinion" has no place here or anywhere else on the Internet and makes whoever comes out with it sound selfish, spoiled, and immature.  Is that how you'd like us to see you?
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    nmh1012 said:

    SO much judgement! Who cares what other people decide to do!? Call it whatever you want! I know so many people who have done this. In fact, I am currently planning my "big" wedding. My husband and I chose to have a wedding for ourselves. Now we are having one for our friends and family. It's not fake and it's not a lie. All of my friends and family know that we are already married and are happy to have a celebration that they can join us in. Get over yourselves! 


    P.S. She was NOT asking opinions on if this was right or proper etiquette. SHe was just asking for advice on the wording of her invites. JEEZ!!
    I hate to be the one to tell you this but if you're already married what you are planning is not a wedding. A wedding is where people get married. Unless you are planning to get divorced and remarried, its not a wedding. If you are planning to pretend it's a wedding then yes...it IS fake (because nobody getting married).
    *********************************************************************************

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    nmh1012 said:
    SO much judgement! Who cares what other people decide to do!? Call it whatever you want! I know so many people who have done this. In fact, I am currently planning my "big" wedding. My husband and I chose to have a wedding for ourselves. Now we are having one for our friends and family. It's not fake and it's not a lie. All of my friends and family know that we are already married and are happy to have a celebration that they can join us in. Get over yourselves! 

    P.S. She was NOT asking opinions on if this was right or proper etiquette. SHe was just asking for advice on the wording of her invites. JEEZ!!
    Are you having a full blow ceremony during this "big" wedding of yours?  If so, then yes, that ceremony is fake because you aren't actually getting married during it.  You are just putting on a show for your friends and family.

    And if you or OP or anyone doesn't want opinions on certain things then either don't post those details or don't post at all.  Because even though that may not have been the question she asked that doesn't mean that we all don't have a right to state our opinion about what she is doing.

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    cfisher1989cfisher1989 member
    First Comment
    I can't believe how much anger is on this post about a wedding/vow renewal. Do what you want. I'll have waited 7 years to marry my fiancee, however I know several people that have had to move plans ahead. You probably have very good reasons as to why you got married at the court house instead of a real wedding, so do what you want. My sister married my brother in law because she got placed a half world away from him for 3 years because they are both in the Navy and she's still trying to get a wedding planned. I don't think it makes her selfish to actually have a real wedding after she's been married for so long. These people shunning your desire for real wedding aren't invited so ignore them. I say word your invitation as either wedding and/or vow renewal. Good luck with your wedding planning. 
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    Tharrin06Tharrin06 member
    First Comment
    My husband and i are doing the exact same thing, i think it is very disrespectful of people to tell you what is "right" in having a wedding. we had to get married quickly due to military reasons and now we are having a FULL BLOWN WEDDING, bridesmaids groomsmen, big dress, tux, cake the works !!! and advice/ help you can give will help, and i will certainly return the favor!!!!
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Tharrin06 said:
    My husband and i are doing the exact same thing, i think it is very disrespectful of people to tell you what is "right" in having a wedding. we had to get married quickly due to military reasons and now we are having a FULL BLOWN WEDDING, brideswife'smaidsfriends groomshusband'smenfriends, big dress, tux, cake the works !!! and advice/ help you can give will help, and i will certainly return the favor!!!!
    You didn't HAVE to get married for military reasons. You CHOSE to for the benefits. There are many military fiances who wait to get married instead of rushing into it for the benefits.

    Again, I don't want to be a party pooper, but what you're planning isn't a wedding. Nobody is getting married. I'm not being mean saying that. If no one is getting married, the event is not a wedding - simple fact. You will be dressing up and pretending to be a bride when you're actually a wife. I'm a wife too - and I would feel like an idiot prancing around in a big white dress pretending to be getting married AGAIN. 

    I'm sorry but you made the grown up decision to get married because you wanted the benefits of being a military spouse. That is wonderful - there's nothing wrong with it. BUT you gave up the big wedding. You can pretend all you want, but what you're planning IS fake and you run the risk of feeling absolutely ridiculous for pretending it's something it's not.
    *********************************************************************************

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