Having a wedding/ reception but already married***CLOSED***

MobKaz

Molly&Domenic said:

I don't really care if someone wants to have a second wedding. It really doesn't affect me, though I'd be put off if I were expected to send a gift both times. My close friend made the decision to get married at the court house, because of her own personal reasons. It was not the wedding we had talked about her having since we were in middle school, but it was what she chose in the end. She wore a pretty off-white dress and they did pictures in the courthouse. Those are the pictures she has in her home. She said she sometimes wishes she had waited, but that she would never consider a second wedding. She said that day in the courthouse will always be the day she became a wife, and it's precious on its own. She feels that any other ceremony would make her marriage invalidated. Every couple makes their own choice. I am choosing to wait and have the wedding I wanted, and my friend is enjoying planning as my MOH. I don't judge anyone else's choice, unless it directly affects me. Other people do judge though, and you open yourself to criticism having a second wedding. Many guests may secretly feel the same way as the posters here.

That is one of the points we try to emphasize.  Guests with good manners will more often than not take the high road, and never reveal their true feelings.  One of the biggest issues, however, is not the theatrical wedding itself.  Many of these PPD's occur with the guests NOT knowing the truth about the first wedding.  They attend a wedding, often at considerable cost, with the misconception that they are attending the one and only wedding.  I don't honestly know how anyone can justify the farce AND the deceit.

Reaganliam6

It's really sad to see people act this way. I have read every single comment here for my own personal interest in computer mediated communication, and entertainment. There's no need to be misanthropes. I just want to say to the author of the original post, do not worry about the negative comments, you can do whatever you want. If people don't want to go, then they can choose not to attend. I got married in a civil ceremony 4 years ago in another country because my husband was from there and I made the choice to go be with him. We had a very very small and quick ceremony and a reception in the house with people only from his side. I knew about half the people. None of my friends or family were there. Yes, I made that choice! All along we planned to have a big reception, wedding, vow renewal, party, celebration, whatever you want to call it! Now 4 years later we are living in Los Angeles and finally have the funds to be able to have the big celebration with all of our friends and family. We are doing a vow renewal, I am wearing the white dress, having bridesmaids, and a big reception ( 60 people, not that big) We are doing this because it is important to us and it's what we both want. Everyone is excited and people are flying from Canada to be here. There's nothing wrong with celebrating your marriage again. I don't know the exact wording of the invitation, but ours will not mention the "marriage of" or "united", it will simply say something like, "please join us as we renew our wedding vows ... Cocktail hour and reception to follow" etc . I hope this helps a little.

Sammyantha13

Sorry to open up an old thread again, but I'm just curious as to how this turned out for Butterflymom11...I am doing the same thing.  We had a civil ceremony in October, with only our parents and a public notary there to marry us.  (Husband is military, hence why we got married.)  But going in to that, we discussed it and decided that we still did want to have an actual marriage celebration.  We want to get the experience to celebrate with all of our friends and family, just like everyone else gets, and we didn't have the means to do it last October due to my husband being in military training, so that is why we just did the civil ceremony.  This October we will be having our "marriage celebration" and we plan on doing a sort of vow renewal using the same vows from our civil ceremony.  We understand that we are already married and can't replicate getting married again, but we still want the food and dancing and all of that--my husband wants it just as much as I do!  I don't understand why this makes people so angry...but to each his own.  In my opinion you invite who you want to and if someone has a problem with it, they won't come.  Oh well, their choice.  We have talked with all of our friends and family members about this, they all know we're married already (and we already sent out save-the-dates for this October) and we haven't heard one negative comment back on what we're doing.  Everyone is very excited to get to see us presented together and to celebrate with us, especially since we have family spread out all over the country that we only get to see once every few years.  Life is about sharing experiences with the people you love and doing what makes you happy!

CMGragain

No one will object to your having a vow renewal.  Just keep the words "wedding" and "bride" out of your vocabulary. 
Here is a good website for planning a vow renewal.  No wedding dress or bridesmaids.  Dinner, alcohol and dancing are just fine!

 http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html

ebev85

How did you end up writing your invitation? I am celebrating my marriage/wedding/ceremony/vows in a similar way. Having trouble coming up with the wording as it will be our sharing of vows with our family and friends. 

CMGragain

ebev85, please read this entire thread.  It is a bad idea.  Go back to the invitations board and read my last post.  I really want to help you.

uvaana

So if they called it a "wedding celebrating" would you be OK with it?

CMGragain

This is an old thread.  What is it that you want to do?  Start a new thread, give details, and we can try to advise you.  Most Knotties are not OK with re-do weddings.  Properly done vow renewals are OK.

shellatre

Screw these stupid bitches who think, just because they are doing it the 'right' way, that they are better. Attitudes like that are disgusting. Times have changed. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand those who are doing it the old fashioned way because of their religious beliefs... and I respect people for that. But, if you're gonna be one of those brides that I just wanna run over with my truck, you need to get the hell out of here. You do what makes you happy! I'm doing the same. You know why, because I can! Half of these women are gonna end up probably getting divorced. So screw them. YOU go have the BEST WEDDING you can have. Screw everyone else. All that matters is that you're happy and that's it.

southernbelle0915

shellatre said:

Screw these stupid bitches who think, just because they are doing it the 'right' way, that they are better. Attitudes like that are disgusting. Times have changed. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand those who are doing it the old fashioned way because of their religious beliefs... and I respect people for that. But, if you're gonna be one of those brides that I just wanna run over with my truck, you need to get the hell out of here. You do what makes you happy! I'm doing the same. You know why, because I can! Half of these women are gonna end up probably getting divorced. So screw them. YOU go have the BEST WEDDING you can have. Screw everyone else. All that matters is that you're happy and that's it.

Thank you so much for dredging up an old thread to say this. You're adorable. I'm going to leave this here for you because it's sounds like you may have trouble controlling your anger: http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx

@knotporscha - Not sure that calling posters bitches and saying she wants to "run over (us) with a truck" fits with the community TOS...

MairePoppy

Dear Everybody, especially new members, this thread was started over four years ago. There is no need to report anyone in this thread. If there were any TOS violations, the warnings were issued in a timely manner. 
Please note, this thread is closed.