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Invites and Paper

Etiquette for plus ones on save the dates?

HI all,
I am going to be sending my save the dates out within the next week or so, but was wondering what the etiquette was for addressing the card to someone who is allowed to bring a guest. For save the dates since they're obviously less formal than the actual invites, do you simply just address it to the person and not include mention of a guest at all? Or should I still put Ms. X and Guest?
Thanks In Advance!
J
My travel and cooking blog

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Maui, November 2011

Re: Etiquette for plus ones on save the dates?

  • I'm not sure on the 'etiquette' but on my STDs I'll just invite it to Ms. X with no 'and guest'. I'll just put the 'and guest' on the invite.
  • You still need to indicte the guest so that they can make arrangements. 

    With STDs and invitations, if you know the guest's name, you should use it.  You should try to avoid using the generic "& Guest" at all costs because some people get really offended if you know the person's name and just put "& Guest" instead. 
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  • I probably wouldn't list his/her guest or say +1.  Since guest lists tend ot grow anyway, you don't want to invite extra people early on then find out that your mother is back on good terms with all those cousins and wants to invite them...putting the total count way over what can fit in your space.  It's easier to add later than subtract.
  • I didn't put "& guest" or "+ 1" on mine and it was fine - guests are generally smart enough to infer both parties of a couple are invited or, if single, they can bring a guest unless you've stated otherwise beforehand.  Save it for the formal invitations.
  • In Response to Re: Etiquette for plus ones on save the dates?:
    I didn't put "& guest" or "+ 1" on mine and it was fine - guests are generally smart enough to infer both parties of a couple are invited or, if single, they can bring a guest unless you've stated otherwise beforehand.  Save it for the formal invitations.
    Posted by DezirayM
    That's actually the worst thing to assume.  You would be surprised how many people post on these boards terribly offended that they were invited but their significant other wasn't, because the bride assumed it would just be known.  It's tacky and rude.  You need to list both names on the invitations.
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  • it's not tacky or rude to NOT put 'and guest' or 'plus one'. It's a save the date for goodness sake. It's not an actual invitation, it's just a card letting people know what date your wedding is.
  • Right but if you don't let them know ahead of time that they can bring a date, how are they supposed to make their travel and hotel arrangements?  I mean, if you disagree with me fine, but you're just going to create more confusion for your guests by being stubborn and not including their significant other's name on the save the date.  I'm not talking about a random "& Guest", I'm just talking about when you know the guest has a GF/BF then you should go ahead and put that person's name.
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  • Do people actually make travel plans 6 months in advance?  If invites are sent 8 weeks before the wedding, that should be plenty of time to book hotel, etc.  IMO, unless you would still the other person if he/she was not a part of the couple, don't list them on the STD.  What if the couple broke up?

    I think it's hard to generalize this sort of thing...  

  • Do people actually make travel plans 6 months in advance?  If invites are sent 8 weeks before the wedding, that should be plenty of time to book hotel, etc.  IMO, unless you would still the other person if he/she was not a part of the couple, don't list them on the STD.  What if the couple broke up? I think it's hard to generalize this sort of thing...  
    Posted by jenn.daniel
    Some people do, to get better prices.  Others may not have everything paid for 6 months in advance, but with the way the economy is at the moment, it's better for them to know early whether or not they will be paying for one or two guests to travel.
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  • Ditto danieliza again. Guests should never assume they can bring a guest, THAT is definitely rude. Guests are only invited if their name or "and guest" at the least is written on the envelope. That's how people end up bringing uninvited extras and people run out of space.

    That being said, I had 2 or 3 single friends who developed relationships between STDs and invites, so they didnt' get an and guest on the save the date, but did on the invite. None of those had to travel, so it worked out fine.
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  • People buying plane tickets usually do buy them more than just 8 weeks in advance.  I know I always look for the best prices if I'm flying somewhere, so if I already know the date because I got a save the date, I would definitely start looking for plane tickets right away.
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  • For my save the dates I would put the SO name. 
    Like Mr. Joe Smith, and Ms. Jane Doe.  If I knew they were single I just put
    Mr. Joe Smith.  I didn't want single people to just bring someone I didn't know to my wedding.  Whoever the STD or invitation is addressed to that's who those people should assume is invited.  They shouldn't assume that they can bring a random person, or there niece or nephew.  Just as an example.  At all costs try to avoid the and Guest on your invitations.  If you know the SO name just put it.

    Also I had people who lived on the other side of the country, and yes they started figuring out there travel plan 6 months before my wedding.
  • For the STDs, if the person has a SO, you find out that person's name and put it.  If they are single but you are still inviting them to bring a date of their choice, enclose a note saying that they are welcome to bring a date.

    Before you send the invitations, call and find out if they are bringing a date and what their name is.
  • Besides the buying plane tickets and reserving hotel rooms in advance, many people need to ask for vacation well in advance of the event, especially if it is for several days.  My MOH has to put in her vacation request now for Sept 2010.  That's another good reason to include all who wil be invited on the STD.  The more travel or planning involved, the longer people will need warning.
  • I didn't put "& guest" or "+ 1" on mine and it was fine - guests are generally smart enough to infer both parties of a couple are invited or, if single, they can bring a guest unless you've stated otherwise beforehand.  Save it for the formal invitations.
    This is horrible, HORRIBLE advice.  Then you have NO IDEA how many people you've  *actually* invited to your wedding, and your guests don't know for sure WHO is actually invited.

    It is very wrong for anyone to assume that someone is invited who is NOT on the STD/invite.  And you are very likely to offend someone if they think their DH/FI/SO is not invited when they should be.

    If you know the SO, then put them on the STD.  If you know you are going to give someone a guest, put it on the STD, and if at all possible, find out the guest's name rather than using " and Guest".  It's much more personal and friendly.

    In response to another person about travel arrangements: If I'm coming from out of town, then yes, ABSOLUTELY, I need more than 8 weeks to make travel arrangements.  I'm on a tight budget and want to find the best airfare and hotel rates possible. So you can't assume that 8 weeks is enough for all of your guest list, especially if one half the invited couple doesn't KNOW they are invited!
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  • 1) Yes, I'm the kind of person who books flights for Christmas in July or August.

    2) If we got an invitation with only FI's name it, I would assume I wasn't invited and I'd be PISSED.

    3) When you start planning your guest list 8-12 months out, you don't know if someone you're inviting will be in a serious relationship, living together or engaged by the time invitations go out. FI and I went from dating long distance to living together in 7 months. You should always plan to invite +1s and make sure you have room. Or what if you're inviting someone who won't know anyone else? It's kind to allow them to bring a date. You don't have to include the date on the STD at that point, and when invitations do go out you can make that decision. But if someone is in a relationship and only gets an STD addressed to one? You'd better believe you and your immediate family will be getting some phone calls from confused and offended guests.
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  • There is still a big difference between STDs and invitations.  Yes, any +1 (in the form of a name, not “and guest”) should be on the invitation.  Since spouses/ FIs/live-in SOs should def be invited to the wedding, yes, I think they should go on the STD.  I’m just trying to say that unless you are absolutely positive you’re going to allow a +1, don’t include it yet.  You can invite people when you send invitations, but you can’t uninvited after an STD has been received.  I tend to

    I can’t fly b/c of medical reasons, so I had no idea people books flights so early for weddings.  In my experience couples haven’t reserved blocks of rooms so far in advance, and we booked after we received an invitation.  That’s going to depend a lot on location and time of year.

  • Yes, many people need to book in advance.  So, if you're certain that you're inviting them with a guest, you need to let them know that.  If you're certain to be inviting your friend but are unsure of whether you'll be giving them a plus one, then you would just send the STD to the friend at this point.  We had that happen for a few guests, but they were all local.  We gave them the STD more so that they knew not to plan to go away the weekend of our wedding (if they preferred to attend our wedding, anyway).  We'll note whether or not they're getting a guest at the time of the invite.
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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
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